Imagine that you were headed to the beach. You had been planning this trip for several days. You pack up your bag, grab your towel and head out to the beach. On the way there all you can think about is how great the day is going to be.
The sun is shining and there’s not a cloud in the sky. You couldn’t ask for a more beautiful day. You excitedly pull into the parking lot, unload the car and find the nearest spot to lay down your stuff and spread out your towel.
You excitedly remove your external layers, revealing that new swimsuit you’ve been dying to wear. You hurriedly race to the ocean to experience the refreshing and invigorating effects of the ocean water and then out of the corner of your eyes you notice…the red flags!
As you slow your olympic sprint to the water down to a slow walk you notice that there is no one in the water… not a soul.
You don’t understand. It’s a beautiful day.
So you sashay over to the lifeguard stand and ask the lifeguard why the red flags are flying on such a gorgeous day.
The lifeguard then proceeds to tell you that there is an extreme undercurrent in the water and if you proceed further you will be putting yourself in jeopardy of being hurt.
What do you do? Do you ignore the red flags and take a chance?
If you had common sense, you will realize that the red flags were put there for your own protection. They were there to alert you to the unseen dangers ahead in the water.
Yes, there is a possibility that if you proceed into the ocean you may be ok, but the reality is taking a risk like that is not worth it. You simply have to find another beach where there are green flags and the environment is safe to go swimming.
So, what does this have to do with your boyfriend still talking to his ex. Well, more often than not when a boyfriend is talking to his ex it means one or more of them still has feelings for each other. And that’s a red flag!
Now Look, I’;m not saying that a person can not break up with an ex-flame and still be friends with them. It can happen. But when you understand the nature of human beings and how we are driven by our emotions my experience has shown me that it is next to impossible for a person to be friends with an ex if one or more of them still has feelings. And herein lies the problem.
Usually one of the two (the guy or the girl) still has feelings for the other so they think by holding on and being friends, one day their former mate will come to their senses and want them back.
This is the same reason why friends with benefits rarely works out either. Sooner or later one of the friends develops feelings for the other person and wants more than the occasional booty call.
I never quite understood why someone would want to be friends with someone who they used to be in a relationship with. How can you go from doing the horizontal mambo regularly and being intimate to simply going to the movies?
Now, don’t get me wrong there are some women that I have been involved with that I am friendly towards, but I’ve got no desire to hang out and talk to them regularly.
Why? Because I am so focused on my life and my relationship with my wife.
And here is another problem when your boyfriend is still talking to his exes. It will intensify any feelings of jealousy and insecurity you have. Unless you are a woman with iron clad self-confidence and incredible sense of self-esteem , any time your boyfriend gives even the slightest indication (justified or not) your insecurities and jealousy will come racing to the surface.
When you are with a guy he should show you by his words and actions that you are the number one woman in his life. That does not mean that you are the only woman but that you know that no matter what anyone else says or does you are the one who holds the key to his heart.
If you are with a man who repeatedly shows you that you are the number one woman in his life, even if he is friends with an ex it won’t matter, because you will know at the end of the day he will be with you.
But if your man isn’t showing you with his words and his actions that you are the most special and important woman in his life make sure you realize that this is a red flag. It is essential you proceed with caution because ignoring the red flags will probably lead to danger.
Image courtesy: rvw