This just happened to me and I had to stop and think about why I was doing what I was doing. For some background, I had met a girl online at Match. Due to our schedules we weren’t able to go out for a good week after the initial messages. So, we started somewhat of an email relationship for the week really learning about each other.
We met and things started pretty well. But after the fourth date I felt something just wasn’t there while it seemed like she was starting to fall for me a bit. It was decided (after talking with friends) that I needed to end things quickly because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. A casual relationship wasn’t going to work as we both were looking for a serious relationship. But we had been having a good time.
In perfect dumping karma, I called her on the worst day possible. She could hear in my voice that something was wrong. As I asked her about her day I felt it was a bad time to add this on top of everything else she had going on, but she had suspected there might be a problem and my tone of voice lead to questions which then went to the breakup.
Afterwards I felt awful. Generally I do not like to hurt people’s feelings. So later she emailed me and I emailed her back. Then we exchanged a few texts. Honestly I just wanted her to feel better. Then after I knew she did, I felt a little better.
The next day I decided to text her again. That was when I realized my mistake. I was feeling lonely too. Sure, I initiated the breakup but that was because continuing with a relationship I didn’t think would work seemed like a bad idea. But at the same time, I did like her and we had fun together. So I missed the companionship. But by calling or messaging in a somewhat casual or neutral tone, I thought it would not send a mixed message. Really taking the time to think about it, any contact sends a mixed message. A lesson learned for me.
So in my case at first it was guilt and then it was loneliness. Being single when you want a relationship sucks. Even when people think they want out there are still things you miss. So a little casual contact can sometimes make me feel better. Of course now considering how it makes the woman feel, that is something I won’t do again.