Actor Ryan Reynolds recently went on record on the Jay Leno show about his split with Scarlett Johansson. Now, I’m not much of a gossip, but what he said got me to thinking. Ryan proclaimed that he may never want to get married again. Ryan told told “Details” magazine in May, “Anyone who gets divorced goes through a lot of pain…I don’t think I want to get married again.”
Like Ryan, I questioned relationships after my split as well. I felt like such a failure and I was ashamed that I wasn’t able to make my relationship work. My family supported me and stood by me the entire time, but it was still a very tough time. After about 6 months of self-reflection I decided to start dating. At the time I thought I was ready but I really wasn’t. I hadn’t yet completely gotten over the pain of my divorce and was still dealing with the process as well.
I learned a few lessons from my experiences after my divorce that I’d like to share.
Post-Divorce Lesson #1 – Wait to Date
As I mentioned, I waited approximately 6 months to date, but that wasn’t enough time for me. The amount of time each person needs to recover from a divorce or split varies and only you will know how much time is enough for you. Don’t be afraid to take more time if you’re not ready. It’s only fair to yourself and to those you meet.
Post-Divorce Lesson #2 – Don’t Over-React
I think that’s exactly what Ryan’s statement was when he proclaimed he may never marry again – an over-reaction. He was reacting in the moment, as many of us tend to do. Divorce is arguably a very low point (although, not always!) in our lives, but that doesn’t give us the excuse to say or do things we don’t mean. Keep your cool, keep a level head and let the initial emotions pass.
Post-Divorce Lesson #3 – Lean On Your Network
What is the best way to get over someone? Get under someone else. Wait, no! The best way to get over a breakup is to lean on your support network. Your friends and family will understand the pain and pressure you’re going through and will want to be there to help you. Just be sure to maintain somewhat of a balance, at least with all but your closest friends. Too much down in the dumps and your friends and family may be reluctant to be around you.
What do you think? The actor’s statement raised some questions for me – what about you? Is “…I don’t think I want to get married again.” reasonable to say, especially so soon after a split? How long should those that divorce wait before they put themselves ‘back out there’? Have you gone through a divorce? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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