On-Again/Off-Again Relationships – Can They Ever Work Out?

Why do some couples seem to have more tumultuous relationships than others? That on-again/off-again relationship appeals to some, creating drama and excitement. For example, Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez have broken up and gotten back together several times. Celebrities have complicated lives with tremendous social and media pressures which can tax their romantic relationships more than most people.

But if you are reading this, you probably don’t have this type of external pressure. So, what is it about the guy you’ve already dated, that makes you want to go out with him again? Perhaps he is very good looking, wealthy, charming and fun or just plain hot. Let me ask you a few crucial questions to go a bit deeper:

  • What percentage of the time were you apart or fighting vs. getting along?
  • Is what broke the two of you up still active?
  • And lastly, what held the most attraction for you about him?

Think about the answers to these questions and be honest with yourself.  Working with dating coaching clients for over nine years, here’s what I have found. Most often, dating an ex is like watching reruns on TV. You already know what is going to happen because you’ve seen the show. Same thing is true about dating your ex again. I have a chapter in my book, MANifesting Mr. Right on this exact topic.

In other words, whatever the problems were that drove you apart in the past, chances are strong those things are still there and will cause trouble once more. This is especially true if you spend a lot of time arguing. Occasionally I encounter someone who got back together with an ex and it worked out  When this occurs – usually one or both of the people did a lot of personal growth and development work.

Here’s another interesting situation that often crops up with exes. This is especially true for women who haven’t been in a relationship for a while and are just getting back out there. I can’t tell you how many times a client’s ex will pop back on the scene almost magically.

As you increase your desire to find love and start taking steps, your intention sends signals out into the Universe. Your ex subconsciously picks up the shift in you and next thing you know, he calls, emails, bumps into you, etc.

If your ex comes back into your life, is that a sign you should be together? Not exactly. I encourage my clients who have invested time in healing and preparing to meet new men, to get out there and do it. Even though you may be tempted to check out the guy you already know, do what you can to resist. Instead, seek new opportunities to find love with a far better, more stable romantic partner.

Images courtesy: david_shankbone and Keith Allison