How To Keep A Guy From Putting You in the “Friend Zone”

Guys have it tougher when it comes to dating. Generally speaking, women expect us to take the lead, break the ice and do the pursuing.

In my own experience with relationships, I’ve always been the one to take the first step. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining.

It’s simply nature at work, and men are hardwired to seek the thrill of the chase. We’re goal-driven; in the back of their minds, guys know that what they want isn’t going to just fall into their laps.

But what if you’re interested in a guy who needs your help to get the ball rolling? I can only imagine how frustrating it is to have feelings for a man and not have them reciprocated.

Many a time have I heard women complain to me about getting stuck in the so-called Platonic Friend Zone.

I hate to say this, but once you’ve crossed over into that dreaded territory, it’ll be damn hard to convince your platonic friend to have romantic feelings for you.

In fact, you might be better off starting over with a new guy instead.

So avoiding this trap means planting the seeds of romance as early as possible to prevent him from perceiving you in a non-sexual light. But how do you do it without looking needy or desperate?

Let me show you the ways:

#1: Get Your Brain Involved

There’s a self-help course called “Mind Power” by John Kehoe which teaches people to discipline their minds and focus only on positive, constructive thoughts. Kehoe believes that with the right mindset, you can focus your efforts to surpass personal boundaries.

What does this have to do with your love life? Well, let me give you an example.

A millionaire had the attitude and mindset of a wealthy person even before he earned his money – not after. His thoughts and beliefs guided his actions and habits which brought him to where he is now.

In the same way, consciously telling yourself that you ARE attracted to your guy will influence your actions (e.g. giving verbal and non-verbal cues) and bring about sexual chemistry.

Men pick up on this natural vibe and will naturally trigger his desire to pursue someone who’s giving the right signals.

(Remember what I said about guys being hunters?)

In the pickup artist community (yes, there is such a thing), this is known as IOIs or indicators of interest. Whether it’s the way you flip your hair or how you speak, guys pick up on these subtle signals and perceive it as a green light to pursue a woman.

#2: Drop Hints In Your Conversation

As it is, some guys need a little more nudging for your message to hit home. But as I said earlier, you’ll risk scaring him off if you lay it too thick for him at the start. To quietly slip under his radar, try lacing your chatter with the romantic talk.

The trick to talking about romantic things without coming on too strong is by talking about another person you know (like a friend or co-worker) and describe a romantic situation they were involved in.

Once you’ve introduced a little context, give your own thoughts about the situation and ask him what he thinks.

It’s easier than it sounds. Consider this example:

Last week, my friend Janey went out on an out-of-town date with her new boyfriend and he took her to a cozy little mountain resort. He knew she loved the outdoors, so he spent a couple of weeks planning the whole thing as a surprise. It’s pretty cool when someone does stuff for their partner based on what she really likes. Have you experienced anything like that before?

Not complicated at all, right? Think of your own scenarios to get his mind in the right direction.

When you regularly have these kinds of conversations (read: not all the time!), your guy will start associating all those romantic notions with you.

Remember, he doesn’t have to fall for you right then and there – the intended effect is for him to picture you as a potential partner instead of writing you off as a harmless friend.

Personally speaking, most relationships start out with me thinking, “Hmm, let’s see where this goes…”

#3: Touch Him a Few Times

To really seal the deal, nothing speaks interest louder than a few instances of contact every now and then. In most cases, a guy is willing to make the effort to pursue a girl who is, at the very least, comfortable enough to tap his shoulder or touch his hand.

It doesn’t have to be all the time, but you should do it a couple of times whenever you meet to maintain a constant presence in his consciousness.

You know you’re making progress if he starts returning the favor and finding an excuse to touch you as well.

However, I’d like to wrap up things by advising you to temper these steps with a little restraint. Although you’re trying to get his attention, you don’t have to ride all your hopes for romance on one guy.

In fact, acting with a slight sense of detachment will actually work to your advantage because you’re relieving yourself (and him) of the pressure to be more than friends. Not only will you act relaxed around him, he won’t feel awkward or forced to reciprocate.

Just remember that there will be other opportunities out there if the guy you like doesn’t respond in the way you’d hoped. Dating isn’t a matter of life or death!

What have you done to attract a guy’s attention?  Do you have any tips of your own to share?  Share your story in the comments!