“How do you get over the guy you can’t get over? There was this guy that I truly loved. He is with someone else now and too far away. I know I should give up and find someone who is right for me and I’m trying. But I can’t help myself, every now and then I hear from him, and there is this awful pain in my heart and this thought that we could have been so good together.
Can you help me please?”
Psychology:
a. Losing someone we love creates feelings akin to grieving, one of the most difficult pains we deal with in life.
b. It is human nature when we lose someone to begin to create an overly optimistic picture of who they were and the connection we had with them.
c. The pain of loss leads to inaction. Inaction creates an even greater focus on the loss, and so the pain cycle worsens…
What to do:
1. Break the pattern. Anytime you feel the pain do something new – go out, call a friend, even create a board of all the things that make you happy
2. Remember they are not right if they don’t give you the connection you need. The person who is really right for us is the person who adores us and wants to be with us
3. Create more options by meeting more people. This will show you how many great people there are out there, and that there are other amazing connections that await you.
Quick Love Life Happiness Tip:
There is always going to be some pain when we lose someone we love. But pain becomes suffering when we indulge in it. Pain is part of life, suffering is a choice.
See you next time, and don’t forget to leave a comment!
Your coach and friend,
Matthew
Have a burning dating question for Matthew? Click here to ask him.
