Read an excerpt from Chapter 6: Post-Date Drama...

Waiting for the Phone to Ring

You had one of the most incredible dates of your life on Saturday night. You haven't stopped thinking about him since. 

Although you've seen enough guys to know how unpredictable they can be about calling, you still held out hope for the slight chance that you might hear from him next day.

“No biggie,” you thought, when the phone didn't ring on Sunday. “He's just playing it cool. He probably doesn't want to come on too strong...”

When you float into work on Monday morning, you still haven't wiped the big, goofy smile on your face. Even though you try your best to concentrate on the spreadsheet on your screen, the only thing on your mind is when is he gonna call me?

You go about your workday as best you can, all the while hoping that he'll call you tonight to lock down a date for next weekend...or maybe sooner!

You jump when your cell phone rings that night at 9:08 pm, but it's only your girlfriend calling (why else?) to see if he's called.

“Maybe I should give him a quick call... just a casual check in,” you think.  Then you reconsider... “Waitaminute...the three-day rule! If he's abiding by the classic guy three-day rule, that means he'll call me on Tuesday.” This gives you permission to relax...You sleep better than you have in a week.

But then, when Tuesday comes and goes with no phone call, you start to get nervous.

You go out for for a wine and whine session with the girls. After a few glasses of Pinot you think “Why not?” and start to dial his number...

You can call him, right?

WRONG!

Whatever you do, DON'T make the first phone call after a date. Even if you just leave a message saying, “Hey... I had a great time last weekend. Hope you're doing well... Talk to you soon,” it is the equivalent of saying “Hi. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since Saturday. I really like you. I hope you like me too! I've cleared my whole calendar this week – I don't want anything to get in the way of you possibly calling me or wanting to take me on another date. In fact, now that I've met you, I don't need to bother having my own life!”

Just because you can't call him doesn't mean you're not in control. In fact, if you allow him to do the calling, you're very much in the power position. You continue to live your life regardless of whether he contacts you. Then, if he does, you can decide whether you want to talk to him and see him again. If he hasn't called, you have the power to decide at exactly what point he's missed his chance with you.

So now it's Wednesday morning and while you're proud of the restraint you exercised by NOT calling, you still are yearning for contact with him. Is he just too busy? Is he playing games? Will I ever hear from him again? You wonder...

It's all you can think about. After all, you've got nothing to look forward to except another day at work, shackled to your computer. Which gives you an idea...

Beware the Ease of Email

“Aha...” you think. “Email! Of course!  I'll just shoot him a quick note to see how his week is going. What could it hurt?”

For one, it could hurt your chances for a second date.

My friend Marnie is the queen of the “impatient email.” After three days of not hearing from a guy, she'll compose a note along the lines of this:

Now there are a lot of subtle messages that Marnie is trying to get across in this 3-sentence email.

Let's look at what Marnie thinks she is communicating:

Now let's ask my friend Mike what he'd think if he got this email from a woman he'd been out with once but hadn't called yet.

Mike: “Seems a little desperate to me. And what's the deal with her bragging about her 'fabulous' week? Guys hate that word. It seems like she's trying to rub something in my face. Anyway, if I had a good time on our date I'd probably still call her, but this email certainly wouldn't help her case.”

When it comes to Internet communication, don't fool yourself. Emailing and Instant Messaging are as much of a no-no as calling. It doesn't matter that they're informal. Contact is contact, and it's even more tempting to type a quick message and hit “send” before you have time to think things thorough. As frustrating as it might be, it's a simple equation: The less you contact him, the more he’ll want you. No matter what the medium, do not to be the one to make the first contact after a date.