Too Clingy? Stop Neediness Now!

In Today's DISH:

* DRAMA OF THE WEEK: "I'm Too Clingy With
My Boyfriend - Can I Fix My Mistakes?"

* PAIGE'S DATING DISH TIP: "Stop Feeling Needy
and Turn a Troubled Relationship Around *TODAY*"

* SUCCESS STORY! "How I learned to Enjoy Myself
Without Clinging to My Boyfriend"

Hey Girlfriend,

Think about it...

In a perfect world, all girls would be born with the innate
ability to understand the opposite sex: what men think, why
they think it, and why they do the ridiculous things they do.

We would grow into self-assured women brimming with confidence,
possessing all of the knowledge and tools we could ever need
to find the man of our dreams and create a healthy, happy,
drama-free relationship with him.

UNFORTUNATELY, we're not living in a perfect world.

Most of us spend the majority of our dating lives wondering
what a guy is thinking, guessing at his feelings, hoping he'll
call when he says he will, and trying to analyze his every
action.

This confusion and guesswork can leave us feeling unsteady
and uncertain of ourselves. Looking for reassurance, we may
find ourselves clinging to our man, hoping that he will make
us feel secure in the relationship - and in ourselves.

We think that if we just hang around him enough, the uneasiness
will subside. (Not to mention the fact that if we always keep
an eye on him, there's no way he could possibly ever cheat!)

This is a big, fat mistake.

The security we women so desperately seek can only be found
one way: by building confidence within ourselves. But without
knowing any better, so many of us make this very mistake every
day.

Luckily, if you are ready to learn how to Date Without Drama,
you can replace those feelings of clinginess, neediness and
insecurity with self-reliance, confidence, and positivity.

And it doesn't matter if you're just starting out dating or
already IN a long-term relationship, it *IS* possible for the
CLINGY BEHAVIOR AND NEEDINESS TO STOP HERE.

Read on for the Drama of the Week, my Dating Dish Tip, and a
fabulous Success Story that will show you how!

* * * DRAMA OF THE WEEK: "I'm Too Clingy With
My Boyfriend - Can I Fix My Mistakes?" * * *

Here's an email I just received from a reader:

"Dear Paige,

I love your book. But I have been in a relationship a little
over a year so I'm wondering where to start putting your advice
to use since I have been doing all the bad habits for as long
as I can think of.

Tell me how do you start to separate your life when your whole
life has been with the other person for over a year?

All I want to do spend all my free time with him. We are going
from living with each other to living apart. We are trying the
dating thing. We both feel we have rushed into the relationship.
I have control issues, so I want to know everything he's doing
and thinking, and who's he's with at all times.

HOW DO I GET OVER THIS? I know I'm pushing him away. I don't
have a lot of friends or a lot of time to go out, I have a 3
year old son. PLEASE HELP ME.

Annabelle"

* * * DATING DISH TIP: Stop Feeling Needy & Turn
a Troubled Relationship Around *TODAY*" * * *

My Response:

"Hi Annabelle,

First of all, let me start out by encouraging you to believe
that every day is another chance to start all over again.

I understand how you may be feeling overwhelmed by the fact
that you have behaved a certain way or to quote you, repeated
'bad habits' over the past year, but if you're committed to
look at the things you don't like in your life and work on
them, you can absolutely start anew... RIGHT NOW.

And remember, you are not changing for a man, you're improving
FOR YOURSELF, so regardless of how you've acted toward him
in the past, it's all about how you choose to conduct your
life for yourself from this moment forward.

You've got a clean slate... so let's jump in!

Although my approach in 'Dating Without Drama' does cover the
steps to take to get into a healthy relationship from the
beginning, the principles behind what makes those steps work
can absolutely be applied to a long-term relationship.

For example, when I talk about 'The Secret to Dating Without
Drama' in Chapter 1 and explain how it's our instinct as women
to react emotionally rather than act rationally, this gets to
the very core of one of the most major problems in all
male/female relationships.

You said in your email to me that you 'have control issues'
and you 'want to know everything he's doing and thinking
and who he's with at all times.' If these worries are causing
you to call and check up on your boyfriend constantly or nag
him about what he's doing, then you are allowing yourself to
be ruled by your emotions.

The 'Dating Without Drama' way teaches you instead to pause,
breathe through the emotions, and then act from a rational
place. When you think rationally you can tell yourself, 'My
boyfriend is committed to me. Unless he decides to give me a
good reason NOT to trust him, I WILL trust him. Nothing I say
or do can CHANGE his actions anyway, especially nagging.'

Acting rationally means NOT picking up the phone when you want
to check up on him and not blurting out 'where the hell WERE
you?!?!' the instant he walks through the door. Rather than
giving into destructive behavior, you focus your energy on
constructive ways to build the relationship. By doing this
you will spare yourself that awful feeling of being out of
control.

Another example of how 'Dating Without Drama' can help you in
your long-term relationship is by working through the
confidence-building exercises. In Chapter 2 'I Hate to Break
it to You Jerry Maguire, But You Don't Complete Me,' I discuss
how important it is to complete yourself by keeping your life
busy and full with the things that you love.

In your email to me you said that you want to spend all of your
free time with your boyfriend. Now there are no judgments here,
because I'm sure every woman has felt this way about the man
she loves (myself included) at one time or another. But ACTING
on this can be very unhealthy.

I suspect that you are clinging to your boyfriend in hopes
that he will make you feel whole when, in reality, that is an
impossible feat to ask of him. You said you are 'pushing him
away,' and I'd be willing to bet this is the cause.

Annabelle, I am certain that you are a beautiful, smart, funny,
talented, exciting, fun woman with so much to offer this man
who is lucky enough to have you in his life. If you are feeling
insecure, trying to spend every waking moment with him will
NOT fix the problem.

In fact, it will only make it worse.

Please don't fall into the trap of relying 100% on another
person's actions to feel good about yourself as so many women
do. It's a dangerous game; one you're bound to lose.

As I say in Chapter 2:

'The best relationships occur when two whole people come
together out of a desire to share their full, happy lives
with one another. They are people who feel good about
themselves yet desire a partner to walk thorough this
world with and experience life together.

These are the relationships that succeed.

You can have that kind of relationship if you're willing to
focus on yourself.

To do this, you must make yourself a priority.

Take care of your health by eating well and exercising. Find
your spiritual path. See a therapist to work through
unresolved issues, if necessary. Do the things you love -
reading, dancing, writing, watching movies, traveling around
the world ...Connect with friends. Learn all you can. Always
be open to growth, be it intellectual, spiritual or emotional.
And listen to your heart's desire, your calling ...
and honor it.

Always make it a priority to DATE YOURSELF FIRST. Take
yourself to museums, check out that hot new restaurant that
just got written up in the Times, tackle that rock-climbing
wall at the gym that you've been equally terrified and
fascinated by. There's no room for desperation when you've
got a perfectly good date for every occasion ...you.

As you focus on your own happiness you will be amazed at the
transformation that starts to occur within you. You will feel
comfortable in your own skin, and [you won't approach your]
relationship from a place of need, but rather one of strength.
[Your boyfriend] will be drawn to your confidence and will do
anything just to be able to spend time with you.

And although you may start out with [the perfect relationship]
as your ultimate goal, in the end that will be just a happy
by-product of a healthier, more content you.'

And I know you mentioned that you have a hard time getting out
because you have a young son. You don't have to hit the town
to find things that fulfill you. Read, watch great movies,
take an online course in a subject that you love, spend some
fun quality time with your son, have your best girlfriend over
for some coffee and a great chat. Whatever you're interested
in and whatever brings you joy.

Don't forget to do the Path to Self-Actualization exercise
in Chapter 2 and reflect on your Personal Mantra/Positive
Affirmations in Chapter 5. These will help you focus on
the healthiest ways to get your needs met and allow you
to recognize - and embrace - your unique, beautiful
qualities!

By focusing on your own well-being and self-improvement, you
are bound to become healthier, happier and more confident.
I'd be willing to bet that your boyfriend will really sit up
and take notice of your newfound independence and improved
self-image. This could really help renew your relationship.

But even in the worst-case scenario, if things don't ultimately
work out for you and your man, you will be SO much better off.
You will feel good about YOURSELF and will have all the tools
you need to enjoy your own life with or without a man, and
when the time is right, you will be ready for a healthy
relationship to come into your life.

Best of luck to you Annabelle! Please keep me posted.
Paige"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

And then I heard back from Annabelle with this fabulous
SUCCESS STORY:

"Hi Paige,

Thank you for replying to my email. I read your response
and took your advice and guess what? You were right! I
finally made plans with my girlfriend, and actually kept them.
I didn't cancel like I usually do.

I had a great time, and it was without my boyfriend. I didn't
feel guilty for enjoying myself. The funny thing is I enjoyed
the night because of ME, not because I was trying to turn his
head. But because I felt like me again, enjoying being myself
with my friend.

I thank you again for all your insight. It is making my
co-dependence to independence a pretty easy transition.

I also know you're totally right about playing into my
emotions. I think at the time if I just give into them it will
make me feel better, when every time a makes me feel worse.
You would think I would have learned this my now, but hearing
you say it makes sense to me.

Again thank you so much Paige, I will keep you posted.

Annabelle"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

If you're reading this right now and
thinking, "Yes, Paige! I want to turn my dating disasters
and/or relationship rut into a success story," you're just
ONE STEP AWAY!

To get your instant download of my eBook "Dating Without
Drama" and be reading it in mere minutes, all you have to do
is use the link below:

http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com/datingdish/archive/download/

No kidding - it's that easy!

Have a great weekend and I'll DISH with you soon!

Your friend,

PS - Share the love! Forward this email to all of your friends
who want to ditch the drama!

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