Self Esteem

How to Overcome Insecurity, Build Self Esteem &
Find True Love

Hey Girlfriend,

Have you ever thought:

"I'll do whatever it takes to make my boyfriend love me forever."

or how about:

"Once I know what he's looking for in a woman, I'll know how I should act."

or:

"I don't know what I'd do if my boyfriend left me."

If you can identify with any of the above statements, or have had similar thoughts, then this DISH is for you.

That's because we're talking about INSECURITY.

And I have great news for you - you CAN learn to overcome it!

In fact, all it takes is a shift in attitude. You actually have the power to feel more confident in yourself - and strengthen your relationship - TODAY.

It's much simpler than you think!

If you're ready to learn the 3 Steps to Overcome Insecurity (and find out how a reader just like you had an 'attitude adjustment' that made a major improvement in her dating life) then read on...

DRAMA OF THE WEEK:
"I Feel So Insecure!"

Here's a recent email from a reader:

"Dear Paige,

I just really need to know why I feel so insecure when I am not with my boyfriend... Is it because I have been hurt so many times that I can help but being insecure?

I don't want to feel this way. I know this man would never hurt me. I trust him and I really don't want to lose him.

What should I do?

-MaryBeth"

PAIGE'S DATING DISH TIP:
"The Cure for Insecurity"

My Response:

"Hi MaryBeth,

Thank you for reaching out to me and being so honest. It can be hard to admit when we're vulnerable.

First of all, please know that every single person feels insecure from time to time. It's a part of the human condition.

That being said, when these feelings control you or interfere with living a happy life, they become problematic.

The good news is that when we're willing to take a look at what's really going on with us and admit when something's not working, we have the greatest opportunity to grow. Take comfort in knowing that you are on your way already!

SO... You asked me why you feel insecure; if it's because you have been hurt in the past. I can't say for sure what the cause is for you personally, but some common reasons include a dysfunctional childhood, mind games in a previous unhealthy relationship, a distorted, low self-image, or poor self esteem.

But in my humble opinion, identifying the cause of your insecurity is not nearly as important as learning how to OVERCOME it.

As for how to do that, well, the answer is simple but the action is going to require a bit of work on your part.

To make it easier, I'm going to give you some step-by-step instructions:

STEP 1: Learn to separate yourself from your relationship and begin to enjoy doing things for YOU.

In your email to me you specified that you feel insecure when you're not with your boyfriend. If you only feel content when you are physically near him, this is a major issue that you need to face.

I suspect that you are clinging to your boyfriend in hopes that he will make you feel whole when, in reality, that is an impossible feat to ask of him.

Please know that you are a beautiful, smart, funny, talented, exciting, fun woman with so much to offer this man who is lucky enough to have you in his life. If you are feeling insecure, trying to figure out how to be a great girlfriend and spending every waking moment with him will NOT fix the problem.

In fact, it will only make it worse.

Please don't fall into the trap of relying 100% on another person's actions to feel good about yourself as so many women do. It's a dangerous game; one you're bound to lose.

In Chapter 2 of my eBook 'Dating Without Drama' I discuss how important it is to complete yourself by keeping your life busy and full with the things that you love.

By allowing yourself to spend time with friends, enjoy hobbies and interests, and focus on your career, you will begin to realize that you have a life of your own and that your every happiness does not depend on one man.

As I say in Chapter 2: 'As you focus on your own happiness you will be amazed at the transformation that starts to occur within you. You will feel comfortable in your own skin, and you won't approach your relationship from a place of need, but rather one of strength. Your boyfriend will be drawn to your confidence and will do anything just to be able to spend time with you.

And although you may start out with the perfect relationship as your ultimate goal, in the end that will be just a happy by-product of a healthier, more content you.'

STEP 2: Remember that YOU are an equal in your relationship. It's not all about what YOU can do for HIM, he's got to make you happy too!

In Chapter 5 of 'Dating Without Drama,' I say:

'Far too many women head out into the dating world filled with insecurity and need. They wonder why this seemingly great guy is even interested in THEM in the first place.

They seek encouragement, validation and praise to feel comfortable in their own skin. They wonder, 'what can I do to make this man like me/love me/think I'm wonderful/want to marry me...' etc.

This kind of thinking will doom a relationship before it even begins.

The truth is, without a healthy self-image, it's impossible to maintain a healthy relationship with another person. Not to mention the fact that men have an uncanny ability to sense neediness and insecurity, and nothing is a bigger attraction killer.

Why do we, as women, tend to forget that a relationship is a two-way street? We become so concerned with making someone like us or doing whatever we can to fit the mold of the 'perfect woman' a man is looking for, just so he'll want to be with us.

What are our priorities?

Don't OUR hopes and dreams matter too?

Have we really stopped to think whether this man has the qualities that WE'RE looking for in a relationship?

When we approach a new situation with an attitude that says, 'I'm a great person, and I have a lot to offer the man I choose to have a relationship with,' we automatically put ourselves on an equal plane with the other person.'

STEP 3: Learn the simple, straightforward and SANE approach to dating.

One surefire way to feel insecure in a relationship is to be a slave to your emotions, acting on your moods and feelings without taking a time-out to think things through.

In 'Dating Without Drama,' I teach you how to ACT rationally rather than always REACTING emotionally, which allows you to be present in your relationship without neediness or desperation.

Marybeth, by placing importance on your own well-being, improving your self-esteem, and adopting a more rational approach to dating, you are bound to become healthier, happier and more confident. You will find that your trust issues will begin to melt away, because you will believe in your own worth.

Even the worst-case scenario isn't a bad thing: if things ultimately don't work out for you and your man, you will still be SO much better off. You will feel good about YOURSELF and will have all the tools you need to enjoy your own life with or without a man, and when the time is right, you will be ready for a healthy relationship to come into your life.

Best of luck to you!"

Speaking of self-esteem... here's a great success story from a reader:

SELF-ESTEEM SUCCESS STORY:
"I'm Teaching Men to Respect Me By Respecting MYSELF."

"Thanks Paige.

Your words are just what I needed. I stated my case to my man as he was beginning to act disrespectful; I think he can't handle being with such a powerful woman, ergo, he gets power by trying to take my power through flirting with other women on front of my face and not following through with his words.

I told him that I wanted to have a conversation regarding ending our relationship, but he was only willing to do it when it was convenient for him. When I gave in and told him that I would meet him, he then changed his mind and said he needed to reschedule and that he was out to dinner. I think he was drinking and partying to be completely honest.

I am for healthy, whole relationships and his behavior and actions towards me are unacceptable. I called him and left a message telling him that I wanted to have the conversation that night as we had planned and if not then he was basically demonstrating to me how much he cared. He never called. Obviously, he does not care a whole lot.

It is taking tremendous strength to follow through with my words, but I am going to do it as I do not deserve to be treated in this way. I needed a little encouragement and your newsletters provide me with that extra push that I need. He is emotionally immature and I would be stunting my own growth by continuing to stay in this relationship.

It is seems unfortunate that I have to go through this kind of treatment, but I actually think it is a blessing in disguise because by being true to me and my needs and what I deserve, I am gaining self-esteem and confidence in knowing what I am worth and walking away from anyone who treats me anything less that that.

My favorite saying: 'We teach people how to treat us by the way in which we treat ourselves.' Bye honey. Caty don't play that~lol!

Thanks again.

Caty"

My Response:

"Hey Caty!

I wish there was a less-outdated phrase than 'you go girl!' but that pretty much sums up how I feel! You are the epitome of a 'Dating Without Drama' DIVA and I am so proud of you.

Stay strong... you are doing the right thing. By commanding respect for yourself and not settling for less, you will attract the kind of men who will cherish you and treat you the way that you deserve!

Keep me posted!"

If you experience feelings of insecurity or suspect that low self esteem might be hindering your ability to find or keep a good relationship, check out 'Dating Without Drama' today.

This action plan for healthy dating is the antidote to insecurity!

To get your copy instantly, just follow this link:
http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com/datingdish/archive/download/

Thanks for DISHING! Talk to you soon.

Your friend,