Are You Falling for the #1 Love Lie?

Hey Girlfriend,

Throughout our lives, we're told a lot of lies about love. For example:

"True love means never having to say you're sorry."

"Love is blind."

And my personal pet peeve (I devote a whole chapter to debunking THIS myth in "Dating Without Drama")...

"You complete me."

(As if another human being can actually make an unfulfilled person become whole! Ridiculous!)

Whether they come in the form of song lyrics, romantic movie lines, or cliché quotes about true love passed down from generation to generation, these myths distort our thinking and cause us to develop unrealistic expectations of love.

And UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS is one of the biggest causes of DATING DRAMA.

Why?

Because it sets you up for MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT, which prevents you from developing - and enjoying - a real, healthy relationship.

I'm really excited about today's DISH because I'm going to reveal one of the BIGGEST love lies perpetuated by society today...

...and show you how NOT buying into that myth will make it easier to meet that special someone, improve your satisfaction with your current boyfriend, or even RESCUE YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

Ready to find out what it is?

Ok then...let's dig into the DISH!

DRAMA OF THE WEEK:
"I'm Not FEELING 'In Love' with my Boyfriend"

"Dear Paige,

I've been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now. It's been great but right now I'm feeling really distant from him. I love him, it's just that for some reason I've been feeling like I don't lately.

I WANT to love him, but I don't know how to regain that love back. Should I break up with him or what? I don't want to, I really don't want to, but if that's the way it has to be...

But if it's not the case, how soon will it be till I get that loving feeling back?

Thanks for reading this. A reply would be great.

Many thanks,
Lori"

PAIGE'S DATING DISH TIP:
"Love is a CHOICE, Not Always an Emotion."

"Dear Lori,

Thank you for reaching out and being so honest about your situation. There are a lot of women out there who can relate and whose love lives will benefit from reading this, so I'm sure they thank you too!

Now, you don't provide too many details about your relationship other than the fact that "it's been great," so I can only assume you're not experiencing any major problems. If you and your boyfriend were fighting or any kind of mistreatment was going on, I'm guessing you would have mentioned it in your email.

Which leads me to believe that you are suffering from unfulfilled expectations.

You see, Lori, it's not your fault...

...but you might be buying into one of the BIGGEST LOVE LIES that the world tells us.

Here's the lie: "When you're in love, you feel that butterflies-in- your-stomach, excited, happy, romantic, lovey-dovey feeling all the time. If that feeling goes away, something is WRONG."

When you accept this lie, no relationship of yours will ever stand a chance.

That's because a relationship between two human beings, each with their own flaws, is bound to have problems to work through and challenges to overcome.

Partners in a drama-free relationship don't place unrealistic expectations on love. (I'm sure John Gray himself would agree!)

I recently heard a wise saying: "unrealistic expectations are planned resentments."

In other words, when you expect something impossible from someone you love (e.g. perfection), you're bound to end up resenting them for letting you down.

So here's the TRUTH: Love is a CHOICE, not always an EMOTION.

I'm going to say it one more time because it's so darn important:

Love is a CHOICE, not always an EMOTION.

As I say in "Dating Without Drama" (Chapter 14, "How a Drama-Free Relationship Works"):

"In a relationship that lasts, each partner wakes up every day and actively CHOOSES to love their mate whether they feel the 'warm fuzzies' or not on that particular day.

Yes, of course there should be romance and passion and excitement, but not every moment is going to feel like a honeymoon in paradise. That's not the way life goes.

When you adjust your expectations accordingly, you'll find that your satisfaction with your relationship will increase.

Sure, you will get annoyed with one another. You WILL fight. You WILL struggle sometimes to figure out where the relationship is headed. But you'll realize that it's normal to do so and that knowledge will give you the strength you need to work through it rather than throw a hissy-fit (drama!) - or worse - throw in the towel."

I can speak from personal experience on this.

My husband is my favorite person in the world, and my relationship with him is better than any I've experienced in my life, and despite this fact, I still don't always feel that "loving feeling" (as you described it) every day.

When we first started dating, we were together non-stop. We couldn't get enough of each other. My heart skipped a beat every time he walked in the room. Every joke he told was hilarious, every thought he uttered was brilliant. In my eyes, he could do no wrong.

Now here we are several years later and life has gotten a little more, well, REAL.

Sometimes he just gets on my nerves (and I KNOW I get on his!). Sometimes we get in a silly disagreement and it takes a day to shake off that icky feeling (I call it a "fight hangover"). Sometimes I just need a break - a little alone time to read a book or meet my girlfriends for coffee, and that's ok.

That doesn't mean that I don't love him with every ounce of my being.

(The next time you find yourself asking, "Is it love," remember this: It IS possible to LOVE someone even when, at the moment, you don't LIKE them very much!)

When this happens, I know that those feelings of irritability or boredom will pass. And all it takes is connecting through a great conversation, a romantic date-night, or some other reminder of just how amazing our bond really is for that so "in love" feeling to come flooding back in.

One other important point that I want to bring up is that this "floating-on-Cloud-9" feeling that many of us associate with love is actually a result of a chemical released in our brains during the first few months (or years, depending on the scientific study you refer to) with a new partner.

This is called the "infatuation" phase. I explain it all in Chapter 11 of "Dating Without Drama" (It's really fascinating - check out "Getting Serious," page 116).

When you get into an established, long-term relationship with someone, a different chemical actually kicks in. One that makes you feel calmer, more secure and connected. This is a GOOD thing - it means that you can actually come down from your whirlwind of can't-sleep-can't-eat-all-I-can-think-about-is-HIM and begin to build a solid relationship based on who you really are as individuals and rooted in reality.

The downside is that those initial butterflies and excitement will subside quite a bit once you've hit this phase.

It's completely normal and, frankly, unavoidable.

The good news is that you can get a lot of that exciting feeling back. It just takes a little effort (on your part AND his!) Here are some romance tips:

Plan special dates. Take a little getaway (even a spur-of-the-moment weekend trip will do the trick). Do something spontaneous, like leaving a note in his briefcase that says "Come straight home tonight - I have a surprise for you" and greet him with a home cooked candlelight meal. If you're involved in an office romance, send him a flirty email during the day (just be sure to use your personal, not work, email account!). All of these things will help to bring the butterflies back ... and keep them lasting long after your special moment is over.

Lori, you ask me if I think you should break up with your boyfriend.

Unfortunately, I can't answer that for you.

You need to ask yourself 2 questions:

1. "Is this man truly right for me?" (For help, refer to the evaluation checklists in "Dating Without Drama" in Chapter 7 - "Is He Boyfriend Material?" and Chapter 17 "Is he 'The One?'")

- OR -

2. "Am I placing unrealistic expectations on love?"

If the answer is "No" to #1, then you probably should break it off so you are free to find someone you're more compatible with.

BUT, if you answer "Yes" to #2, I have a hunch that as soon as you stop focusing on why you're not feeling "in love" with your boyfriend and start putting some effort towards reconnecting with him, your problem will solve itself.

I hope this helps, Lori. Please write me back with an update and let us know how it all works out!"

If you're tired of the love LIES and are ready to learn the REAL TRUTH about relationships -- truth that will help you attain the fulfilling, satisfying, happy love life you've always wanted -- then you've come to the right place!

In my eBook "Dating Without Drama," I tell it like it REALLY is...

...AND provide concrete strategies to help you find the man of your dreams - or make it work with the one you already have!

But you don't have to take MY word for it. Here's what a reader had to say recently:

"Dear Paige,

THANK YOU for being the Ultimate Neutral Friend in always giving the BEST advice ever. I purchased your book a little over 6 months ago, and I'm a living example that this should be sold as a DATING BIBLE.

I started dating this truly nice person not long after I started listening to your advice. We were both ready and absolutely aware of what we wanted. We were lucky to find each other, our love is still growing.

You have been the biggest backbone for my blond brain to enjoy dating without feeling awkward or stressed, and to feel confident about what I should and should not do.

I took your advice in being my honest self and you helped me to understand how men think. (You still do). The toughest challenge is separating emotions and intellect! But it sure saves a lot of headaches!

Even though it has been 6 months I still feel the tickle in my belly when I think of him or when he is around. I don't want these moments to stop, no matter what future brings us. I want both of us to enjoy time we spend romantically together (or as a big happy family with all 4 kids we have between us!)

Thank you for your support! That's why I keep you around!

Cheers,
Zora Malmo
Sweden"

To get your very own copy of "Dating Without Drama" instantly (and start applying it to your life TODAY), go here.

Thanks for DISHING! I'll talk to you soon.

Your friend,

PS - Help your friends learn the truth about love! Forward them this article.