Are You Sabotaging a Good Thing?

Hey Girlfriend,

Has this ever happened to you:

An attractive guy approaches you (at a bar, a party, wherever) and
starts chatting you up.

He's nice, interesting, funny, and immediately you feel a spark for
him. He asks for your number, but the moment you give it to him you
think, "Well THAT was pointless. He'll never call."

But then a day or two later HE DOES CALL. Not only that, he asks
you out on a date.

You go out to a great restaurant, have a fascinating conversation,
and he ends the night with a kiss. (A really GOOD one at that!)

But instead of really letting yourself enjoy it, you translate
the kiss to mean a big KISS-OFF, as in, "See ya later...
I'll never hear from THIS GUY again."

Surprise, surprise! The next day your phone rings and it's HIM,
calling to tell you what an amazing time he had last night and
asking when he can see you for a second date.

But instead of dancing around your living room in celebration of
the fact that you met a GOOD GUY who is actually courting you, you
spiral into a tailspin.

You feel nervous. Unsettled. Everything is going just a little
TOO well...

Suddenly you're like: "WAITAMINUTE!!! Something MUST be WRONG
with this guy!"

Then you become determined to FIGURE OUT exactly what it is.

And if you can't FIND something that's actually wrong, well, you
may just end up INVENTING something disastrous in your head.

Nod your head if you've been there...

It's a sad state of affairs, but I think
that most of us women have had so many negative experiences
with men that we find it virtually impossible to believe it
when a relationship actually goes RIGHT.

It's like until there's a major FLAW with a guy (either an
emotional issue we need to 'fix,' a physical characteristic we need
to learn to get over, or an indifferent attitude toward us that
makes us think we need to CONVINCE this man that we're good enough
for him), we can't believe that he's for real.

In other words, when things are finally GOOD, we can actually end
up CREATING our own drama just so we can say, "Ahhh, OK.
*This* feels familiar."

I swear... it's like all the bad guys out there have ruined it for
the good guys!

When did we women become so cynical?

These days, we think a good man is like a unicorn...

We spend our childhood dreaming that we'll actually find one
someday...

...And then when FINALLY do we say, "Oh come on... This is just a
figment of my imagination. Unicorns (good men) don't really exist."

The truth is, there ARE good guys out there! Why should it be
so unbelievable to think that when one of them meets a
PHENOMENAL woman like you, he knows he needs to do whatever it
takes to keep you?

That he actually might WANT to call you just to hear your voice?

That he CAN'T WAIT for his next date with you... to get to know you
better and hopefully get another one of those amazing kisses he was
so lucky to receive last time?

HEY...it CAN happen. And it WILL happen to you when you learn to
Date Without Drama.

You just have to do a little work to open your heart, shake off
those years of bad experiences that may have made you cynical or
untrusting in any way, and get in the right frame of mind to
receive the healthy love that you truly do deserve!

Read on for a real-life example of this from a reader...

DRAMA OF THE WEEK:
"How Do I Know How He REALLY Feels?"

Here's an actual reader email:

"Hello Paige,

I read your book weeks ago and I really enjoyed it. However, I am
still desperate for your advice!

I met this very nice guy a few weeks ago.

We met in a bar, he was with his friend and I was having some
drinks with my sister. My sister started talking to someone and I
was standing in the bar alone. He came up and talked to me. I
noticed him the moment we walked into the bar and I was really
happy that he took the first step.

He offered to buy me a drink and I accepted. We got talking and it
turned out he was an investment banker/trader.

He asked me to dance, we started dancing and of course he kissed me!

We stayed out all night talking, and he helped me to get a taxi
home at 4:00 in the morning!

The next morning, Sunday, he texted me to say that he was very
happy to have met me and he hoped to see me again soon. I didn't
reply till Monday because I had another date on Sunday. I just
replied, 'hope to see you soon.'

The next weekend I was in Ibiza for my birthday and he was in
Barcelona for a bachelor party. He texted me 'let's meet up when we
both get back to London.'

So we did, there was no communication till Wednesday, when he
texted asking about my weekend in Ibiza and invited me for drinks
after work on Thursday. I couldn't stop smiling!

We had a drink on Thursday, it felt like a job interview, he
was asking lots of questions about me, but I thought maybe he
is interested. When we left the bar I got the idea that he
wanted to come back with me but I just said I'll walk home and
we said goodbye.

I believe this is the point where I started making mistakes.

When I got home I was wondering if I'd see him again so I called
him just to let him know I'd gotten home safe.

He just said 'goodnight, we'll talk soon.'

I was convinced that after that I'd never see him again but he
texted me on Saturday afternoon to ask me if I had plans and
if I wanted to have a drink.

I was out with a girlfriend so I called him after a couple of hours
on my way home to say 'yes, I can meet you tonight.'

The date was going fine, we were clicking, we'd both talked about
ourselves, he was holding my hand, etc.

We continued talking on the phone after this. He even called me to
ask me about a job interview that I'd had and he showed to be
interested in me. However, he hadn't asked me out again.

I waited for two weeks, and then not being able to control myself
any longer, I confronted him.

When I called him he was in St. Tropez, he said he was on a
business trip in Paris and that he had gone to St. Tropez for the
weekend. I told him that if he doesn't want to keep in touch that
is fine by me but I deserve an explanation.

He said that he wanted more than to keep in touch, but he was very
busy for the next four weeks because he had to go to his brother's
wedding in Spain and then on a roadshow in France and that he is
moving to a new flat the weekend after that. So we can meet 4 weeks
in the future.

I answered that I have my friend's wedding on that Saturday and we
shall see if we'll meet again. But then, he said that it is not a
problem with us and he is thinking about me and wants to meet me,
it is just that for the next month he doesn't have time for anyone
in his life.

He said that he cares about me and he wants to see me when he'll be
back. Finally, he asked me to trust him. I didn't say anything,
except for OK.

Half an hour after we'd closed the phone he texted me the
following. 'I want to keep seeing you!!! I care about you! OK???'
I only answered 'OK :-)' after a couple of hours.

It's been a week since this conversation and I don't know what I
should do. I think that he should be the one to call me but do I
have to wait 3 more weeks??

He had also asked me if I want to go on holiday. But we haven't
booked anything yet.

My friends are going on holiday soon. I don't have enough holiday
days at work to go both with my friends now and with him in
September if everything goes well.

If I don't go on holiday with my friends, I'll end up spending
a whole week alone with my parents in Greece. So what should
I do? Should I wait for three weeks without contacting him or
should I send him a text message saying that I also care about
him and I am looking forward to meeting him in three weeks?

I am impatient by nature and I really hate that I have to wait
so long without knowing. I would be so grateful if you could
advise me on this. The advice you give people is always so
brilliant.

Thank you so much.

Kind regards,
Marya
London, UK"

DATING DISH TIP:
"Don't Sabotage A Good Thing!"

My Response:

"Hi Marya,

Thanks for writing!

Ok, from what I can tell, it seems that this guy is REALLY
interested in you. He's has taken a lot of initiative to pursue
you, beginning with approaching you, making the first move to
kiss you, texting you the very next day after meeting you,
asking you for a second and third date, even remembering that
you had a job interview and checking in to see how it went.

In other words, he was doing EVERYTHING RIGHT.

Then, as you said in your email to me, "I believe this is the
point when I started making mistakes."

First of all, I will say that it sounds like you're being a
little too hard on yourself. I hardly think that letting him
know that you got home safely constitutes a mistake. After all,
it's true that most men like a challenge, but they also need
some encouragement along the way to know that the woman they're
pursuing is actually INTERESTED in them.

After all the calls, texts, and dates he asked you out on,
it seems fine to me that you called him. As long as you're
allowing him to take the lead, I don't see you jeopardizing the
excitement he feels in getting to know you better.

And secondly, based on the details you've provided me, it
seems like his interest in you never waned. The shift you felt
in the outlook of the relationship? I think that it may have been
all in your head!

I have a hunch I know what happened: You panicked.

You started feeling like things were too good to be true and
you just couldn't trust it.

Am I right?

You met a man who was attractive, attentive, kind, and - most
frightening of all - he REALLY seemed to like you. And, you
said it yourself: "I was convinced that I'd never see him again."

Although his behavior (and his text messages, for that matter)
has never said anything other than "I like you and I want to
keep seeing you," you still psyched yourself out.

Of course, not hearing from a guy for two weeks can be unsettling
for even the most self-assured woman, so I don't blame you for
getting worked up when he seemed to disappear.

However, at this point, when you contacted him you had already
made up your mind that something was wrong and he needed to be
confronted.

Instead of calling and confidently saying something like, "Hi,
how are you? Been a while since we talked so I wanted to say
hello," you acted out of fear and said, "if you don't want to
keep in touch that is fine by me but I deserve an explanation."

The truth is, people DO get busy, and while that doesn't excuse
his flaky behavior, his lack of contact may mean nothing more
than that he's got a lot going on. You two had just started
dating and didn't have a solidified commitment yet, so he may
not have been clear on what your expectations are in regards
to contact.

I still think he's interested, and at this point I recommend
giving him the benefit of the doubt...for now.

So that brings us to the present moment. Your guy in the midst
of his world travels through Paris, St. Tropez, Spain, France,
and wherever else his business and family obligations may take
him. (Lucky guy!)

And you're wondering what's going to happen next.

Well... I hate to break it to you, but whatever is going to
happen is what's going to happen!

Now, I don't mean for that to sound cheeky at all... It's just
that you admitted that you're impatient (no judgments - we all
can be, myself included). But there's nothing you can do to
FORCE things to work out a certain way. Either he'll be true
to his word and get in contact with you when he returns to
London and you'll resume seeing each other, or things will
fade out.

So in the meantime, until you know which outcome will happen,
I suggest taking care of YOURSELF!

It's spring... have fun. GO ON HOLIDAY WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS
(don't wait for him). It will take your mind off of the
situation and you'll have a great time. If you don't go and
instead wait for him and hope that things work out, you'll
feel nervous, needy, and if he doesn't take you away you'll
feel full of resentment and regret.

(I explain the importance of making your own needs a priority
in Chapter 2 of 'Dating Without Drama':

Truth is, your relationship with him can still develop without
going on holiday with him. In fact, you're still getting to
know one another so it may even be too soon to plan a getaway.
And it's certainly too soon to put all your other plans on hold
and wait for him!

When he returns hopefully everything will return to where you
were before he went away, you can continue to date, and maybe
even go on a weekend mini-break or something (you'll still get
quality time with him without having to take extra time off
from work).

And because you will have been utilizing your time away from
him to do things that YOU enjoy, you will feel more confident
and fulfilled and that will send a much more empowered vibe
to him.

I don't need to tell you that CONFIDENCE is a million times
sexier than neediness!

Keep me posted on how it goes, Marya... I'll be thinking of
you, hoping that you have a special date with your new man!"

If you're reading this right now and thinking, "Wow, Paige -
I can TOTALLY relate to this...

I want to learn how to stop SABOTAGING myself so I can
finally have the AMAZING dating life I want - and deserve,"
then you're in luck!

In my ebook "Dating Without Drama," you'll not only learn to
IDENTIFY THE SOURCE of your dating dilemmas... You'll also
discover how to OVERCOME the challenges you DO have and
learn healthy, confident behaviors that will help you become
a drama-free dater from this day forward!

To download your very own copy (and be reading every
piece of valuable advice in a matter of minutes) just follow
this link:
http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com/datingdish/archive/download/

Thanks for DISHING! I'll talk to you soon.

Your friend,

PS - Pass it on! Forward this article to all your friends who want
to ditch the drama in their dating lives too!

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