Should You Get Back Together With Him?

Hey Girlfriend,

Quick quiz...

Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions:

a) What can I do to make my boyfriend love me?

b) How can I make my Ex want me back?

c) I wonder if guys would like me more if I: lost 10 pounds / dyed my hair blonde / had a bigger chest / wore a perfect outfit every day, etc...

d) All of the above

If you answered a),b),c) or d), then you REALLY need to read this Dish.

That's because I'm going to show you how a seemingly MINOR shift in your thinking can improve your love life in a MAJOR way.

It's all about YOU so let's dig in!

DRAMA OF THE WEEK:
"Does My Ex Want to Get Back Together?"

Here's an email I received from a reader:

"Dear Paige,

Hi, my name is Katelyn, I am 21-year-old woman who is a little confused by a certain relationship.

I was seeing this guy for about 9 months. We met in a dating service; we were casually seeing each other for 5 months, then I moved in with him (I'll add that it was a long-distance relationship), and things were going good for three months.

Then he called it quits, or at least that's what it seemed he was doing at the time.

He started to IM me and e-mail me about two weeks after he broke it off. Then he finally called me out of the blue, and started to ask me if I was still in the dating service.

I said I was, and that I met a few people. He didn't sound very pleased.

So, he tried to call me again to get together, which we did, and he decided to take me to the restaurant we first met, which was sweet. Again, he asked if I was still a member of the dating service, and I said 'no,' which was the truth.

He told me that he met a few women, but he didn't say that they were great or that he was dating anybody. He did say that he wanted to meet me a couple times a month (keep in mind that he's long-distance), and that he didn't want me to wipe him off the map.

Oh, and to end it, when we were both in the car, he said a little joke to warm me up, and then patted my leg. He then asked me for a hug, so we got out of the car, and when we were hugging each other, he went in for a kiss. Not knowing that he would do that, my first reaction was to pull away.

Can you help me analyze this one, because that's all I do, but it's nice to have another woman's perspective!

What does this tell me? Does he want a second chance? Is he just trying to be friends with me? What do you think is going on in his mind, and what should I do? Please let me know your thoughts!

Thank you!
Katelyn"

PAIGE'S DATING DISH TIP:
"Never Mind What HE Wants, What Do YOU Want?"

"Hi Katelyn,

Thanks for writing!

Ok, I know how it feels to analyze a situation with a guy over and over... kinda agonizing and oddly exhilarating at the same time. But what we need to do is get you out of your own head and get you to take some proactive steps toward getting what YOU want and deserve out of this situation.

Now I know you wrote to me to see my take on what your guy is thinking, but let's redirect this for a minute and focus on you.

What do YOU want out of this relationship? You might be saying, 'Duh, Paige... I want to get back together with him, obviously!'

Are you sure?

Do you really want to give your precious heart to someone who isn't able to see what a phenomenal, special woman you are? (If he is capable of changing his mind on a dime... wanting you to move in, then breaking it off, then coming back into your life and giving you all kinds of mixed messages, then he's clearly not respecting you and your feelings.)

As I say in my eBook 'Dating Without Drama' :

'Why do we, as women, tend to forget that a relationship is a two way street? We become so concerned with making someone like us or doing whatever we can to fit the mold of the 'perfect woman' a man is looking for, just so he'll want to be with us.

What are our priorities?

Where do our hopes and dreams fit in?

Have we really stopped to think whether this man has the qualities that we're looking for in a relationship?

When we approach a situation with an attitude that says, 'I'm a great person, and I have a lot to offer the man I choose to have a relationship with,' we automatically put ourselves on an equal plane with the other person. We're not coming from a place of weakness or inferiority. We feel more confident and hopeful.'

So that's my assignment for you, Katelyn.

I want you to think about what it is YOU'RE looking for in a man with whom you'd have a committed relationship.

You could start with someone who respects you, who is capable of COMMUNICATING with you so you can discuss where your relationship is going (rather than him jerking you around by breaking it off out of the blue and then trying to get you back).

Do you know the qualities that make a man 'Boyfriend Material?' (The list is too long to include in this email, but they're in "Dating Without Drama"... Here's the link to download your copy if you haven't yet: http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com/datingdish/archive/download/

I realize that you are a smart, adult woman so there are no judgments here, but I strongly suggest that you do NOT move in with a man until you are certain that he fulfills your needs and that you have the level of commitment that you want out of the relationship. (That typically takes a lot longer than 5 months of casual dating.)

Once you start living together, things can get much more complicated and you don't have that foothold of independence that comes from living on your own.

As for what to say to him - if you really want to keep the door open to a possible future with him, here's what I recommend...

If he makes it clear that he's interested in getting back together, let him know that you are happy to keep in touch and see him once in a while, but that you are taking some time to figure out what YOU want out of a relationship, and the only way to do that is to continue to date other people (either on the dating site you were on before, through friends, or however you choose).

There are lots of ways that dating multiple people can work to your advantage, as I discuss in the "Dating is Like a Job Interview" section of my book (pg. 57).

Then make your expectations clear - say, 'I care for you a lot but I'm interested in a lasting relationship based on mutual respect, not some on-again, off-again thing. If you decide that you want the same with me, then we can discuss it. Otherwise, I need to move on.'

You need to be your #1 priority right now, girl! Instead of you asking yourself how you can get your ex back, guys need to be asking themselves, how can I get KATELYN?!

Good luck and please let me know how it works out for you!

Paige"

"Dating Without Drama" is changing lives! Here's the email I received back from Katelyn:

"Dear Paige,

I really want to thank you for responding to my issue!

I read and understood your advice, and you know what - you're absolutely right! I have to be #1, not them! But for some reason I tend to forget that concept, and instead I try to put other's needs on the front burner, and my needs on the back, and that's why I get frustrated and depressed!

I'm looking for that happy balance, where my needs are met equally. I always give more than my fair share, and it's not right!

As with him, I'll see how it goes, but he has to do the work and PROVE to me that he wants something serious!

Thank you!

- Katelyn"

Are you're sick of settling for less than you deserve?

Are you tired of worrying about what your GUY thinks and ignoring your own feelings?

Are ready for a REAL relationship based on what YOU want and need?

It doesn't matter if you're trying to make it work with an ex, determined to start off on the right foot with a great new guy you've started dating, or in search of a man who is truly worthy of a catch like you, "Dating Without Drama" has the answers you're looking for!

My eBook will give you the self-confidence you DESERVE...

The sneak-peek inside a guy's mind that you CRAVE...

...And the action plan you NEED to succeed at the dating game!

To get your copy of "Dating Without Drama" instantly, just click here.

Thanks for DISHING! I'll talk to you soon.

Your friend,

PS - Have a friend who can't let go of an Ex? Share the love by forwarding this article to her!