Dating Rules

What NOT to Do On a Date

Hey Girlfriend,

In this DISH I'm going to teach you the DOs and DON'Ts of a great date!

Whether you're a dating superstar already and want to double-check your instincts, you're new at this "dating thing" and need some guidelines, or you've been out of the game for a while and need to brush up on your skills...

I'm dishing out some valuable info you'll want to sink your teeth into!

But first, I have a (rather embarrassing) confession to make:

I'm kind of addicted to "The Bachelor."

For all my international dating divas out there, in case this so-called "reality" show isn't aired where you live, here's the concept in a nutshell:

25 girls flirt, scheme and catfight their way through a televised competition to win the "heart" of (and some BLING from) a man that they've only known for a few weeks.

Now I know what you must be thinking:

It's all a little, well, ANTI-Dating-Without-Drama.

But the truth is, even though the circumstances of "The Bachelor" are far from reality (living under the same roof with women who are competing for the same man while your entire courtship is filmed by dozens of cameras)...

...you can still learn a lot about what kinds of dating behaviors work - or, more often DON'T work - by watching the show!

For instance, last Monday, the remaining 12 bachelorettes were split up into 2 groups. Each had to do her best to win Lorenzo's (the Bachelor's) attention while on a group date with 5 other women.

Now, creating a lasting impression on a man can be difficult enough on a REGULAR first date, so I'm sure that adding the other girls to the mix only made things more challenging.

BUT STILL...

I could not believe some of the horrifying dating blunders these girls were making!

Here are some MAJOR First Date No-Nos that I observed various women make during just one episode:

• Listing all of her ex-boyfriends (even divulging which one "took her virginity")
• Making catty, judgmental, jealous comments about other women
• Bragging about her sexual prowess and how "kinky" she is
• Drinking WAY too much, slurring unintelligibly, then passing out during the date
• Snooping through his personal stuff (and getting caught!)
• Crying

... and perhaps the scariest of all:

• Announcing that she has a "love timeline"... That she NEEDS to "find someone immediately" so that she can be engaged within one year, married in two, and have kids in five.

Behavior like this would be enough to send ANY man running for the hills, even if he DIDN'T have 11 other girls waiting in the wings.

If only these women knew how to DATE WITHOUT DRAMA!

Lucky for you, YOU DO!

But let's face it: the first few dates can be STRESSFUL.

Even the smartest, savviest, most secure woman can crumble under the intense pressure of being out with a new man.

So how can a girl prepare herself for these all- important outings?

Well that's what this DRAMA OF THE WEEK is all about:

A woman who's returning to the "scene" after a long break is feeling a little rusty...

And in my DATING DISH TIP I help her prepare for her big night out by outlining some of the DO's and DON'Ts of a great first date!

They're gonna come in handy for you too, I promise!

So let's dig into the DISH!

DRAMA OF THE WEEK:
"I need tips for a first date!"

"Hi, Paige,

I just found your website, and am really interested in the advice you give about dating. It's already started helping me.

Here's my question: I'm going on a first date tonight, and I want everything to go well.

Is there anything that I can do to encourage him to be curious about me, but not give too much information, make things go smoothly, etc.?

I'm new to the dating scene after 25 years. I'll take any help or advice you care to give. Thanks!

Lynn"

PAIGE'S DATING DISH TIP:
"The Do's and Don'ts of a Great First Date"

My Response:

"Hi Lynn,

How exciting for you! In my humble opinion, there are few feelings in life quite as exhilarating as the 'butterflies- in-your-stomach, I-wonder-what-he'll-say, I-wonder-what- I-should say, I-hope-that-there's-a-spark, will-he-try-to- kiss-me' feeling of a first date.

Enjoy this moment!

But of course, along with this excitement comes a healthy dose of nerves.

The few short hours of a first date can make or break the possibility of your initial connection developing into a full-fledged relationship. These precious moments are some of the most important ones you and this man will share, because they provide your one opportunity to make a lasting impression and open the door to spending more time together.

Naturally, you want to get things right. You want to put your best foot forward so that he realizes how fabulous you are. You want to make sure he asks you on a SECOND date.

Because the first date is so important, I devote an entire chapter to it in my book, 'Dating Without Drama' (Chapter 5: Getting to - and Through - the First Date).

If you haven't checked it out yet, here's a 'quick fix' excerpt that will help you out with your date until you have a chance to read through my book:

'The first date can be a very loaded experience (and no, I don't mean with liquor). Both people are usually on their best behavior, while paying close attention to both the verbal and nonverbal cues that the other is giving off.

The connection that you share is still a very fragile one; one that can be broken by just one wrong move or inappropriate comment.

With that being said, there are certain behaviors that can make or break a first date. So learn 'em, love 'em, and live 'em:

- DO Save the Drama for Your Therapist.

The first date is not the time for heavy subjects like where you stand on Roe v. Wade or who you voted for in the last election. Stick to safer topics like where you grew up, your career, and what you like to do for fun. And while we all have skeletons in our closet, it is not a good idea to drag them out now. Sharing a heart wrenching story about your high school battle with bulimia isn't exactly going to send the sparks flying.

Similarly, it's important to keep the conversation upbeat and positive. If you're having family trouble or you think you might lose your job, keep it to yourself (for now). There will be plenty of time to open up about deeper things. Until then, enjoy a fun and stimulating dialogue.

- DO Ask Him Lots of Questions About Himself

We can bemoan it all we want, but it's a fact: men are ego-driven beings. They love to talk about themselves. When you ask him questions about his life - his job, his interests, his family, etc - he feels important and special, and therefore sees you as special for caring enough to hear what he has to say. If you show an interest in something specific, he will be so flattered and love you for it.

For example, when I met my husband I took a real interest in his career (a very specialized kind of consulting). To this day, none of his friends or family can quite grasp what exactly it is that he does for a living, so when I made a concerted effort to listen and understand what his job entails he appreciated it so much. And when I would actually be interested in or excited about a work story? Well, he was over the moon. That made me stand out from the (soon to be obsolete) other girls he was dating.

Trust me, a little ego stroking can go a long way.

- DO Offer to Pay

My friend Ella has a little trick. Right around the time when she and her date are finished sharing dessert, she excuses herself to go to the bathroom. When she returns to the table, 9 times out of 10 the check will have already come and her date will have paid.

"Omigosh, you didn't have to do that," she'll say. " Here...let me give you some money," she'll "insist," but of course her date will refuse.

What Ella doesn't know is that most of her dates are well aware of the bathroom trick and don't appreciate it.

In my experience, most men really do want to pay for the date (and will probably insist on doing so) but find it so refreshing when the woman doesn't EXPECT them to.

So when the check comes, offer to contribute. He'll think you're really cool, and he probably won't let you give him a dime (if he does and that bothers you, THEN you can reconsider going out with him again).

- DON'T Drink Too Much

As obvious as this rule seems, we've all probably been guilty of it at one time or another. (Helloooo girl from 'The Bachelor!')

When you're nervous, it's only natural to reach for a glass of wine in hopes of "taking the edge off." In fact, one glass can actually be just fine - it might loosen you up and allow you to act more natural. But drinking to the point where you actually feel buzzed can be dangerous.

For one thing, it can make you chatty to the point where you may not think before you speak (and on a first date that can be the kiss of death). And then there's the fact that drinking impairs your judgment, causing you to make impulsive decisions you may end up regretting.

- DON'T Make the First Move

Now that you've accepted the fact that the guy wants to be the one to meet you and ask you out, it only stands to reason that he wants to be the one to make the first move with you on a date, right?

Well then, you've gotten this far... don't screw it up by doing something impulsive like kissing him. Sure, you can give him some cues via body language that you're interested (e.g. allowing your hand to graze his while reaching for your drink, or touching his arm while telling a story).

When he's ready, though, he'll go in for a smooch... it's up to you to decide whether you're ready for it or want to give him something to look forward to on date 2!

Lynn, I'm going to stop here before my email to you becomes a book of its own!

To read the other half of my "Do's and Don'ts For a Great First Date" list...

...including the #1 thing you should NEVER say at the end of a date, pick up your copy of 'Dating Without Drama' now!

Good luck on your big date and please let me know how it goes!"

Whether you're prepping for a hot first date...

Hoping to keep your streak going with a great third, fourth, fifth (I could go on) date with a special man ...

Or you're wondering where to meet a guy who's date-worthy in the first place...

"Dating Without Drama" is the book for you!

In it, you'll learn...

• Creative ways to meet men & how to attract them (Chapter 3)
• The REAL rules of calling and emailing (Chapter 6)
• The Do's and Don'ts of a Drama-Free First Date (Chapter 5)
• How to tell if he's "Boyfriend Material" (Chapter 7)

...And so much more!

To download your very own copy (and get the answers you're hungry for NOW before the weekend begins) just click this link:
http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com/datingdish/archive/download/

Have a fabulous, flirty, drama-free weekend! Write ya again soon.

Your friend,

PS - Got a friend with a first date coming up? Forward her this page... she'll thank you for it!