why does this keep happening
Thu Mar 04 2010 - 09:01 am
Hi all, i've been receiving the newsletters for quite some time and find them brilliant, i think i take the advice given and use it. But my problem seems to be the same each and every time.
I am quite picky about getting into a relationship, yet each time i encounter the same problem, everything is going well, we get on great, talk about everything and nothing, able to advise and communicate with each other about everything, chemistry is great....then boom, he doesnt know what he wants. It is the most hurtful thing ever, i know myself i cant feel this strongly and yet he feel nothin, so why does it keep happening?
I don't go on with mad future plans, don't nag, i dont make him change, i continue with my life and make time for him, he even tells me i'm laid back. Dont sulk or make issue when we are out, leave it til later to discuss rationally.
And yet..........it happens.
The bizzare thing is they stay in contact with me, and are the first to initiate conversation all the time and make polite conversation....why??????
This has only been going on a week and a half, but the last one kept hounding me for over 2 years.
Now i am confused :( help me please.
Fri Mar 05 2010 - 02:38 pm
DUBLIN...you should put this post on understanding men...you will get more response...not too many of us on this thread!
Tue Mar 09 2010 - 07:28 am
will do thanks :)
Tue Mar 09 2010 - 12:27 pm
Could it be the type of man you tend to be attracted to? The waffler. Do you tend toward guys who are more laid back yourself and avoid ones who are stronger? Do you prefer men who put on a great show but turn out to be flakes?
Just askin' You can't control other people, but you can look at what you are doing to attract this type of man.
Tue Mar 09 2010 - 02:49 pm
Sometimes I think we take all the dwd rules to the extreme. They are a basic guidelines. I think what we forget sometimes is that we do have to open up to these men and let them know something of what we are really feeling, I guess I call it being real. Men need to feel safe and if they feel like you are not real, they don't feel safe.
These guidelines are good, but they have to feel natural to you to an extent, otherwise the men pick up on it.
Tue Mar 09 2010 - 10:27 pm
When you say the man doesn't know what he wants, can you be more specific? Do you mean as far as relationship goes, or are you talking career plans or life goals? And also at what stage does this conversation come up with a man?
It is common for a man not to have a clear picture of what he wants in the future as far as a relationship goes. (Some men do but they're in the minority). Women seem to be able to project far more than a man, but a man will need to ease himself into relationship gradually. A man will also baulk if put on the spot early on by a woman as to what his intentions are.
However, if you are talking instead about vague unfocused men who have no ambition or clue what they want to do with their life, then that is an entirely different matter.
Wed Mar 10 2010 - 03:24 am
Dublin
Maybe your SO laid back they think you don't care?
Its good to feel wanted
And have moments that spark and not be sensible 24/7 - even as adults - we aint robots and rules should be mere guidelines - think of Stepford Wives and do the opposite!
Wed Mar 10 2010 - 04:53 pm
I agree with everyone else...I think it's one thing to be laid back and cruisy with how you act around man at the start of the relationship but another once you have been seeing the guy for a while. The guy needs to have an emotional connection with you and having seen no vulnerable side of you, maybe his feelings are not developing further hence he loses interest... the next guy you see, try to start acting more like typical female once relationship seems to be going well....tell him you like him, be affectionate, be little more proactive... i think he then will develop feelings for you further
Thu Mar 11 2010 - 06:36 pm
Because you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get a prince. You are moving closer to finding the right guy everytime you stike out!
Fri Mar 12 2010 - 07:54 am
Omg glad i moved this post - you girls give great advice ;)
Firstly thetababe, thanks for your response, i see what you are saying but in fact the guys i end up going out with are usually pretty cool as in they are protective, strong friendship, fun to be with. A trait that i do notice is i have a very good job with good prospects but they are not as motivated, i also dont go for posers, but i have modelled in the past. And they don't want me going out with my friends as much as i'd like.
It seems to me that they get scared as our chemistry & feelings tend to be quite intense.
But i dont know am i just seeing what i want to see and perhaps it is one sided :(
Wings - thanks, i have been thinking the same, that i need to ease up a bit. But my concern is they never seem to ask me to do stuff in advance, like you know the typical cant accept a date for a sat after a wed. I just end up keeping specific days free for them, is that wrong? see i know they will want to do stuff those days and cos my schedule is so hectic with work, college, family and friends.
I am afraid to actually say this to them as i dont want to turn into my mother, who nagged my poor father to death :(
Cucumber - thanks :) i prob am a bit (well on the outside, on the inside i analyse way too much) see this specific guy isn't all that confident, so i do try re-assure him all the time i find him attractive and want to be with him and not mess him about. He knows i dont need a relationship and am only there cos i really like him (well in truth i have fallen but other than a drunken slip which i dont think he remembers i havent opened my mouth)
He says he has no hold on me and i can be with other people if i wish but he doesnt want to be (said in public at black tie event in the company of his aquaitances)
Tallgirl10 - i love your attitude :) good stuff outta you missy
Oh and prob should have mentioned this, i am not sleeping with him. We havent discussed it but my view is i will not sleep with a guy until i am sure and know he is too.
Also we met about May and kept in contact over text and email, but did not start seeing each other til December.
Sadly he is in fact one of my closest friends at the moment. :(
Once again thanks ladies, you are legendary with your responses, and couldnt have responded at a better time as i was thinking of cuttign all contact with him today, as i seriously feel like i am going insane or already there. Single life is sooo much easier :(
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