"Why do we fall down? So we can pick ourselves back up"
Fri Aug 07 2009 - 10:19 am
"Why do we fall down? So we can pick ourselves back up"... (and I can't for the life of me remember which darn film that came from...one of the Batman or Spiderman movies? lol!)
Dunno if this counts as an 'inspiration story' but here goes:
A couple of years ago I got my heart broken. With hindsight, I can now see that not only did I make all the classic DWD blunders (chasing him, always being too available, acting insecure and clingy, etc.), but I ignored a number of red flags and instincts that were screaming ‘he’s using you’. I was nothing more than an FWB.
At the time of meeting him I was at a low point in my life. Here was the biggest mistake of all: placing my dependence for happiness on HIM. Instead of working to sort my life out, I relied on this passionate fling to give me the ‘quick fix’ that I so desperately needed at the time.
So I ended it and I was in a right state. It hurt like hell to let go, but at the same time I knew that the only way I’d get over him was to go ‘cold turkey’. I knew that if I allowed myself to keep imagining he’d love me one day, continue wondering ‘what if’, or allowing him to stay in my life I’d simply be prolonging the agony.
So I deleted his phone number, email address, texts – and any stuff he’d left at my house I simply packaged up and sent back to him. I made myself pretend that he didn’t exist, avoided listening to ‘our’ music – and even took a different route to town or work so as not to have to drive past his street. I was at rock bottom :-( For a few days I couldn’t eat, I cried, I woke up in the early hours with a horrible empty feeling, and by god - I never smoked so many cigarettes in my life! Luckily, my nice boss could see I was ill and suggested I take a vacation - which I did.
I used the vacation time to vist friends and family, and made a list of all the stuff in my life that was making me miserable and needed fixing. My friends and family were great, really supportive, and little by little I started feeling much better. Surrounded by great people I came to realise that actually, life WASN’T all that bad without him.
I gradually started making changes to improve my life – such as moving house, getting a new job, putting more energy into my hobbies and spending time with friends and family. It was like I was subconsciously becoming aware that happiness was about finding MYSELF, not about finding a MAN. It still hurt to think about him - but the hurt became less and less and the times I'd find myself daydreaming about him became fewer and fewer.
Eventually I reached a point where I could look back and no longer feel a pang of sadness, but I could actually smile and just remember it as a time I had great sex! :-) I started dating again but this time I was learning to see dating purely as a fun way to meet men and fill the odd spare evenings or weekend, rather than as a desperate quest to meet Mr Right. Coincidently, it was at this point I discovered DWD. It was like, deep down, I *knew* what I had to do, but DWD was sort of the link that helped me pull the pieces together. You know when you just read something and it all ‘clicks into place’?
It’s kinda comforting to be able to look back and know that a broken heart doesn’t last forever. And more importantly, that if I ever find myself single again, I can truly be comfortable and happy in just my own skin.
Just over a year I met my now partner. We've been an 'item' for a while now and are really happy... but that’s another story :-)
Mon Aug 10 2009 - 11:19 am
#2
That is such a great story and inspiration I think I am defo at that place where despite falling down am picking myself back up saying life is not that bad and trying to apply the dating with drama theme...
We should have more of these stories I know will share one myself oneday.
x
Thu Aug 13 2009 - 03:53 pm
#3
Smiler101 : My story is similar to yours in many ways.. I let a guy go that I really loved two years ago and I thought the pain of it would kill me at one point.. gosh going to work with red eyes and lost 2 stones in weight yikes. Did cold turkey like you, new phone no. everything and after few months with virtually no contact he moved back to south america where he was from (im UK). Will never forget the miserable day I knew he was catching the plane to go home.
But now I wish him all the best, still love and miss him of coure but have moved on, it doesnt hurt forever. Hope its made me stronger. Have met someone nice now and Ilike him lots.
Weird thing for me has been finding DWD too late too... if I had known about it then I would have maybe avoided thebreak up altogether. The baaaad things I did then! Ultimatums, 2am text msgs full of drama, calling, even acusations...eek yep dat was me
No more tho thank goodness. Life has a funny way of just getting us exactly where we need to be and exactly when. I try hard to trust in that now. Wishing you all the best x
Tue Aug 25 2009 - 10:17 am
#4
smiler101, Thankyou for your story, so similar....You paved the way to a new tomorrow....i'm just starting again....since my marriage of 25yrs and its long drawn out demise a few years ago, its been one hell of a trip including the dating scene and a nasty or two....baby steps now ....putting me back together....finding me under the rubble of one long nightmarish journey.....i've had huge issues with trust etc but just realised the only one i need to trust in is me! Trust my gut, my instincts, my self. I wish i'd found this site years ago, still yet to read the manual but will do asap. Bless you all. XX
Fri Aug 28 2009 - 06:05 am
#5
Thanks for the story!!! I can definitely relate to it - and you've put it all so articulately! xo
Tue Sep 01 2009 - 06:17 am
#6
Smiler101 you aong with a few other Goddesses have a great gift. You were one of the first to help me dig myself out of a big black cloud and thanks for that ;O)
Nice to read an experience with a happy ending. As in all walks of life there are the good and the bad, and it is a matter of not always being attracted to the bad I guess !!
People come into our lives for a reason - the last plonker who crossed my path was a complete and utter illmannered jerk. On the flip side of our meeting not only do I see him for what he is now but I have learned so much just reading on this site and I can say hand on heart I have broken all the rules too so you are not alone. The great thing is you have learned and my goal is to avoid making the same mistakes.
Good luck with all and looking forward to the Sequel
Sun Sep 20 2009 - 11:51 am
#7
I'm lea went thru the same issue. wish knew this site before he dumped me. very much in love with him for 18 months and engaged to be marry and suddenly on that weekend he came home from his truck driving work he surprised me with his break up and want to move on, no longer us anymore. i was devastated and hurt and for a whole week after break up i called him and want to make everything right with him plead, cried beg him if theirs any way i could changes his mind to give me a second change to work us. no success on my part. 2 weeks later found out from his buddy the reason his break up with me was he's been talking to his lady friend for 2 yrs. and decided to have a new life with her. thinking back i felt stupid and dumb to how i degraded myself of my past behavior. reading every one experience on this site is helping me heal and my goal is not beg a GUY to love me after he dumped me and not to make that mistakes..
Sun Sep 20 2009 - 08:33 pm
#8
ENGAGED.... TO BE MARRID... TOUGH...
Auds
xoxox ... and more.... xoxox
Fri Oct 30 2009 - 11:44 am
#9
THROWN FROM THE BULL
by Steve Goodier
Speaker Andy Sherman tells about learning to ride bulls in the rodeo. At eighteen, he told his father he wanted to be a professional bull rider. His father said, "You want to do what? Why would you want to do that?"
Andy said jokingly, "I don't know - I guess I like the hours. You just work eight seconds at a time. That appeals to me."
His father, concerned about the inherent danger, responded, "I absolutely forbid you to do that!" And, at that moment, young Andy instantly knew his life's calling!
The only problem was - he couldn't ride. Always 7 1/2 seconds away from making the eight-second buzzer, he decided to enter "Rodeo School."
The first day of school he was told to get on a bull. He got on and was immediately thrown off. The instructor said, "Get on another one." He was thrown from a second bull. Then a third. And a fourth.
He finally asked the instructor, "Are you going to show me how to ride these things?"
"That's how you ride them," came the reply. "Just get on one and ride."
By the week's end, Andy had climbed on, and been thrown off, about eighty bulls. But he learned how to ride.
Experience can be a great teacher. Unfortunately, there is only one way to get it, and that is to fall a few times until you learn. Like the employer who told her new employee, "I hired you to make right decisions."
"And how do I do that?" he asked.
"Experience!" she answered.
"How do I get experience?" he asked.
"Wrong decisions."
But experience will never come if we are afraid to try. And fail. And try again. And maybe fail again. We may have to "get thrown from a lot of bulls" if we are ever going to learn to ride. But that is part of living a full and happy life!
Sat Oct 31 2009 - 06:21 am
#10
These stories are Good stuff...the reason we're moving from surviving to thriving...Now if I could only get some sleep...I may need one of y'all to virtually knock me out. It's going on 4 nights of little/no/erratic sleep...the meditation gets me there, but doesn't keep me there..the medication knocks me out f/ a little while, but then I'm waking up shortly there after with heart/mind racing. I'm sooo exhausted...the physical part of this breakup stuff is a pain! I don't want to crash and burn.
I think it might be partly the physical withdrawal f/ the ciggies that's keeping me on edge.
I'll have to start some herbal supplements to support my poor ravaged system.
I've been working out and hiking, but not even that is doing the trick...guess I should get to the DR. maybe dropping ciggie habit and abrupt relationship ending is putting my poor nervous system on overdrive...
Sat Nov 21 2009 - 09:53 am
#11
That sounds a lot like the end of my marriage. My ex was cheating on me with a 23yr old, I was 39 at the time of our demise and not only was he cheating he actually had the gual to bring her into our home around me and our 4 kids. The 3 older kids were actually my step kids but I helped raise them so they are mine as well. My oldest daughter was 23 at that time as well. Then on top of the cheating she lived across the street of the apartment I moved into, that was priceless! Wish I would have known before I moved in and signed a lease! Anyway I lost quite a bit of weight and yes smoked more than i ever did and we did the harassing texting and 3am phone calls. I did very much the same thing you did I eventually got real with myself and when I finally hit my "emotional" rock bottom what else can you do but pick yourself back up. It's been a wild ride full of finding things out about me that I never knew were there to oh that's right I forgot about that. thanks for sharing and inspiring us all. Ladies don't fret we all make mistakes and sometimes we have to get real with ourselves but sometimes the guy really is just a jerk and has his own issues as well. I'm 41 now and still haven't technically gotten back out there yet but thanks to dwd I think I'm ready to take baby steps, I've already done the FWB and it doesn't do it for me. I don't know about finding mr wonderful yet either but I would like to try to just date and let a guy buy me dinner I am more than worth it.
"Why do we fall down?","so we can pick ourselves back up". That quote is from the movie "Batman". I believe Batman's father said that to him.