when can i be finally happy again?!
Tue Jun 02 2009 - 05:36 am
Hi there, ive been single for approx 5 months now and i just cant stop wondering about my ex. Everything was going great until one day he just said he doesnt love me any more and i got the lets be friends speech etc. After we broke up, i burried myself into work and tried to occupy my time with that. Not long after i became deressed and i started to see a councillar and i have been okay for approx a month now, things seem to b average. Until recentley when i saw my ex's mother thats when all these memories seemed to have come back to me. I havnt slept a night through he past wee while, i feel like everything is way out of my depth. Im just exhausted and i dont know what to do! Thanks :)
Tue Jun 02 2009 - 06:13 am
Hugs Ingrid,
With matters of the heart, when the hearts longs and ache, unfortunately there isn't much you can do but let time heal you.
One suggestion would be to stop thinking about him, yes easier said then done, but what other option is there? When your mind brings him up, try to redirect your focus and energy on something else.
Another option is to get back out there, do not sit around pining for him, find fun activities to do, I know, yes it is hard but it can be done.
Hope this helps.
Tue Jun 02 2009 - 11:12 am
Going through a heartbreak is so hard. I feel for you. Its something we all fear and dread. I wish I could help you. EJ above is right though. Find things to do. Get dressed up one night and go out with your girlfriends. Fake it til you make it is my motto. Go dancing. Smile at another man even if you don't feel like it. I went through something similar not too long ago, its all ok now, but at the time I force myself to get up and would take extra effort, (between hanging over the toilet gagging) and make myself look my best. Somehow when you look good, it makes you feel better. Just do it with your mind and eventually your heart will follow.
Tue Jun 02 2009 - 02:07 pm
Hi Ingrid,
I think your ex and my ex read the same break up manual! I got the same line 4 weeks ago, "let's be friends", which is basically code for the fact that they don't want to be with us anymore but still want us there to unload their crap on when they need us. When it's out of the blue it's always that little bit tougher because you think you should have noticed something but thats not true, how could you have?? We are not mind readers.
I know that being newly single can feel extremely lonely at times but there is a bright side - at least you can hang out with your friend's a lot more now! And it's summertime which means that there will be bbq's, parties, days to the beach, etc to take advantage of!
For me , i've found that instead of lining up a million and one things to do at the weekend, if I just plan one thing with my friends for one night, usually Saturday nights, it really helps because I don't feel like I'm being bombarded into situations where I have to force myself to smile and be happy coz it's all a bit too much but that I can actually enjoy my night and look forward to it.
Another tip, buy something for you. It doesn't have to be something expensive or anything but something that is just you. I was completely broke because it was the last week before payday so I bought myself some new lipstick. It was a colour that I had never worn when I was with my ex so everytime I wear it now it really boosts my confidence because it has nothing to do with me and him, just me. Trust me, it'll help.
After all of that, I think the main thing I am trying to say, is yes you can miss him, yes you can still love him and think about him, but try not to make it all about him. You are more than entitled to cry about it all but for every hour you spend crying you should spend another hour doing something that is just for you, even if it is just having a really long bath or turning up the radio in the kitchen really really loud and dancing around the floor or calling over to a friends house to watch really stupid, funny dvd's. That way, you know yourself that you don't have to bottle everything up but you do have to balance it out. Does any of that make sense???
I hope everything works out for you. Best of luck!
Tue Jun 02 2009 - 03:36 pm
I can relate to all of you, I have recently come out of a 4 year relationship. He wanted to marry me and have kids. The trouble is we had issues, which we could not see eye to eye on. religion etc.... We spilt up 5 times during the time we went out. I would always get back in touch with him thou!!
The problem is even though I have finished it, I still think about him loads.
I am doing the dating site thing and going out, but my heart is just not in it. It is like my body is going through the motions but my heart is elsewhere.I just can not imagine being close to any any one new. I know I miss him loads but I was not happy with him either 100%
Does anyone have any thoughts??
Tue Jun 02 2009 - 06:58 pm
Hi Girls. I'm going through my own stuff and have my bad days and then days when I ask 'who was it that even dare turn the sun on'! I mean how inconsiderate that the sun dare rise when my heart is broken. But I've just been on the Dating message board and if you haven't read the Plenty Of Fish post you need to. Look at 'Puzzled' post from the 2nd of June. You really can't make this stuff up and against my better judgement (cause at the moment misery likes my company so likes to keep me close) I really did laugh out loud! I am still chuckling to myself now and it's come as some much needed light relief. I know you can not make sweeping statements but these two guys have probably broken at least one heart during their time on Gods green earth so you have to wonder, don't you.....
Saffi
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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