What should I do with a man who ignores me?
Tue Jun 30 2009 - 01:39 pm
I have just got into a relationship with a guy-it has only been official for about 3 weeks though we have been dating since march. things weren't going too badly apart from him being a bit unreliable-he cancelled some of our dates for what I thought were not very good reasons-meeting up with university friends that were coming to town and he hadn't seen in ages, going to watch his mate play football, tending to his mate who was upset-but he hadn't even asked the reason why he was upset! Anyhow that had all blown over and was feeling quite happy. We only met up once over the last 2 weeks for a couple of hours one week night because last weekend he went to stay at a mate's for the weekend with some friends and the weekend before was having a mate stay with him. So thought he would be looking forward to seeing me and missing me. Called him on Friday evening just before he went away and I talked and then there were just long pauses at the other end of the phone-he just didn't really say anything and told me he was not in a talkative mood. He texted me yesterday lunchtime asking what I wanted to do last night. We hadn't made any plans for last night so I was a bit perplexed, but happy to hear from him. I suggested a couple of drinks in the bar across the road from my work after we both finished work. He then texted me saying could he ring me. I said I was starting back at work in 2 minutes as was end of my lunch break and can he ring me later. He texted saying he needed to know now and then rang me while I was working which I couldn't pick up because I was working. I then checked my phone at the end of the day and he had texted me 5 minutes after the phone call saying 'doesn't matter. I just won't see you tonight then. have a nice day'. I phoned him later in the evening and said I was confused as to whether he wanted to meet or not. Again he hardly spoke to me and there were really long silences over the phone. Eventually he said he would pick me up and take me to his house. There he just kept sighing and not answering me when I spoke to him-I felt really ignored and like he didn't want to know.
Tue Jun 30 2009 - 01:42 pm
Let me ask you this, if the roles were reversed and YOU were the one not answering, and ignoring and avoiding HIM, what would your reason be?
Wed Jul 01 2009 - 12:33 pm
Well I don't think I would do that. I think I would just tell someone straight if I didn't want to know. I don't think I could sit there and not answer when someone's speaking to me, be it a man or anyone else. Trying to imagine why I might not answer someone i guess it could be because I don't like what they're saying to me, I don't agree with them or I don't like them as a person.
Wed Jul 01 2009 - 12:42 pm
Seriously my ex used to do this to me ALL the time.. he would come home and walk around and look at bills etc etc for like an hour before he'd even say hi to me... wtf?! right... Well in my opinion ignoring me is a deal breaker because there are very few things on this planet that bother me more than being ignored! lol
But aside from you being ignored... he seems a little rude to me... the whole calling you when he KNEW you were working and then acting like you were ignoring him or something... ew!
Wed Jul 01 2009 - 01:07 pm
you need to put this in check; if he can get away with it now it will continue later -- just verbalize how you feel -- "I feel" and tell him -- see what his answer is and if he is willing to do better -- this is where it starts -- you cant make any conclusions until you discuss it.
Wed Jul 01 2009 - 01:50 pm
If he is not putting the effort in to treat you well now....in the beginning, it will only get worse.
I agree with the above comments, to check his behavior and see if he decides to change.
You deserve to be with someone that will respect you and your life.
Wed Jul 01 2009 - 06:09 pm
He's just not that into you. Forget about him. His actions seem pretty clear to me.
Wed Jul 01 2009 - 08:18 pm
What should I do with a man who ignores me?
Dump him and work on finding someone who doesn't ignore you, isn't rude, has some manners and would actually make an effort.
He's either pissed off about something you've done, and punishing you, or he's just a prick. In fact in both cases he's a prick, it's just in the first case, he believes himself to be a prick with a cause.
Thu Jul 02 2009 - 04:27 am
Hi snowyroot
Hate to say it, but I tend to think that either CurlyNYer or Tork are right (or possibly both of them): he's either behaving like pr***, or he's Just Not That Into You.
Whichever is the case, your course of action should be the same: ignore him, stop initiating contact and concentrate on doing other stuff. Like jesssssssiica, I would not put up with that sort of behaviour (can't be bothered to call or talk but expects you to drop everything when it's convenient for HIM).
By leaving the ball in his court, he'll either get the message, get his act together and treat you with a bit more courtesy - or it'll fizzle out all together. If the latter happens then at least you'll know he wasn't worth bothering with.
Thu Jul 02 2009 - 12:32 pm
Thanks for all the advice. If I am with him again and he doesn't speak to me or answer me, I will tell him what I think. I haven't contacted him since Monday night-I am leaving it to him. Having read everyone's replies to me and having thought about it, I don't think he can be that keen on me-unless this is a minor blip and he somehow snaps out of it from now on! It's just horrible admitting defeat-that someone I thought was really nice actually may not be and that things are looking like they may not work out.
Thu Jul 02 2009 - 04:06 pm
Snowyroot,
Don't feel bad because he doesn't know how to treat you. It's not your defeat, it is his loss! If he does contact you, deal with the situation so it's clear you don't want it happening again. If he doesn't contact you...I think you are better off. I get the impression he is a needy, manipulative, jerk.
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