What kinda guy do you attract ?
Tue Nov 03 2009 - 12:34 pm
I didn't write this but thought it was a good read ....Enjoy :)
Do you ever wonder why you keep attracting the same kind of guy on your favorite internet dating site? More than that, do you ever sense that there’s some inherent thread between multiple men in your life but haven’t been able to put your finger on just what it is or just what it is about you that keeps drawing them into your sphere?
I’ve definitely had this dilemma. The problem that a lot of women have is spending a great deal of time carefully concocting an image of themselves that they want to present to the rest of the world and making sure they align all the details of their life to fall in with the image. I won’t even get started on how I think you should let yourself be more eclectic and naturally-occurring than that. But people do it. Public images (and sometimes whole personalities) can be quite contrived.
At the same time, we think about what type of mate we would like to have. Oh yes, we spend so much thinking about every little detail we would choose if we could build our own boyfriend. But the thing we seem to not think very much about is how the two ideas play against another; is the girl we’re coming off as attracting the kind of guy we truly want? Let’s see…
You are:
The “One of the Boys” Girl
You’re Going to Get:
The guy who wants to be able to treat a girl like the rest of his buddies and still get laid. He’s probably the guy who, on more than one very drunken occasion, has professed to his close friends that if they had tits, he’d marry them. This kind of guy can be good or bad, depending on what you want.
If you’re a one-of-the-boys girl because you naturally prefer the fellas as friends, you might love a relationship like this. It all comes back to being your genuine self; if you’re pretending to be more down-with-the-dudes than you are to win points with a particular guy, you might end up disappointed with the man’s lack of girly romanticism.
You are:
Little Miss Sweet Innocence
You’re Going to Get:
Big, bad protector man. Or maybe the Big Bad Wolf. Either of those can be a turn-on. If you’re a straight female, it seems safe to assume that you are attracted to men who are men. That’s how I am. And when a guy feels the need to guide and protect his ladyfriend, it usually makes him feel quite masculine and the testosterone flows freely. So that can be nice. The downside to all this? Your man might end up as an over-bearing he-man who is unable to see you as the self-sufficient, smart, independent woman you are.
You are:
The Sulty Seductress
You’re Going to Get:
The non-reality guy. This is the dude who is all about the fantasy. You look a certain way, know how to carry yourself and generally drive men wild. This guy will be the perfect playmate for you, as he’ll gladly enter into the image you’ve constructed around yourself. He wants to be taken into it.
The bad thing is that most of us love to have our moments as this femme fatale but very few of us want to keep it up all the time. Even fewer of us actually can. And this type of guy you’re attracting has no interest in hearing about your job or family the next morning.
You are:
The Super Helpful Girl
You’re Going to Get:
A guy with mommy issues. Okay, not always. But you have to play it carefully. It’s sweet to help your man pick out a tie in the morning or bake cookies for your nieces. The whole maternal, nurturing thing can be amazingly attractive when it’s balancing out an otherwise fierce and worldly woman.
But when you start letting your sweetie depend on you to do all of his laundry and make his dinner and take his temperature every time he has the sniffles…yeah, it can go too far. You don’t want to end up someone’s mama who didn’t actually bake in your belly for 9 months. If you don’t make sure to tame your instincts to take care of people (just a little), you could end up with a pet instead of a partner.
Tue Nov 03 2009 - 05:33 pm
#2
:) can't work out which one i am ..........there isn't one for stubborn lol
Tue Nov 03 2009 - 06:01 pm
#3
Puzzled,
Oh no! I was able to instantly recognize myself. I am "The Super Helpful Girl".
At least I am already practicing not to help so much anymore. It's hard.
Tue Nov 03 2009 - 06:13 pm
#4
I am super independent girl, didn't see one for that...should I write it? lol!!
If you couple that with "one of boys" and "seductress" you have me nailed...
We should challenge the writers awareness....lmao!!
Tue Nov 03 2009 - 06:22 pm
#5
This article was crappily written.
Wed Nov 04 2009 - 08:38 am
#6
I am none of the above. I was told in my late teens that I was a coquette. I was not confident back them. I was defined by my GFs back then.
I agree with barnowl, btw.
Now and especially over the past 2 1/2 years, I had to grow up real fast because of the pain and suffering I endured. I learned a lot.
Now I attract all sorts of individuals - the good, the bad and the "ugly". I keep the good and toss the rest.
My neighbor, Jim, is a great family man and very helpful.
My neighbor, Door Man, has control issues and the family dynamics are askew... not healthy.
My neighborhood is "diverse" and the trust issues had me in a mindset where I felt unsafe many times.
I learned to attract smart, honest, happy, fun-loving, grounded people. Not just men.
Auds
xoxox
Wed Nov 04 2009 - 10:33 am
#7
Audrey,
Coquette - a woman who flirts lightheartedly with men to win their admiration and affection; flirt. I like that. I think I'll adopt that too.
I have a natural tendency to be "one of the guys" and the helpful one.
SZ
Wed Nov 04 2009 - 10:30 am
#8
I think I am a combination but about 75% helpful
Tue Jan 26 2010 - 08:43 am
#9
I am, "Little Miss Sweet Innocence"
And some of the men I have been involved with were a bit over bearing, hmm, something to consider, lol.
Tue Jan 26 2010 - 09:35 am
#10
I think I am a combination of "Little Miss Sweet Innocence" and "The Sulty Seductress" and maybe a bit of "One of the Boys" too :-)
Tue Jan 26 2010 - 09:47 am
#11
I'm a combo of all but the "super helpful girl" and add in "Super Stubborn Girl" like Strong. As far as types of men I attract, I have attracted rock stars (yes the REALLY FAMOUS ONES TOO), bikers, mommy boys, normal guys, cops, lawyers, construction workers, band roadies, military guys (married him), truckers, good ol' southern guys, athletes, you name it lol!
Tue Jan 26 2010 - 06:08 pm
#12
I'm 'The Fixer' (not on the list, just made it up!) - date me if you're emotionally damaged or have issues with your parents/ex-girlfriends/addiction/self-esteem. Chances are spending time with me will make you feel so much better about yourself you'll sod off and settle down with the next girl you meet! (typed with a smile but slightly gritted teeth! ;))
Tue Jan 26 2010 - 11:40 am
#13
Aww Daisy :((
Now that you know that though you can change that about yourself
Tue Jan 26 2010 - 12:03 pm
#14
Daisy,
My gf is like that, whew is all I can say. What I recently found out about her, it is all a smoke screen for not wanting anyone to get too close, she doesn't want them to see her damage and another damaged person in her life bring about a bond if you will, where she will work hard on them but neglect herself.
I kept telling her, I don't need fixing, I am fine as it, lol.
She did revealed she was jealous of me because she doesn't have the iron grit to change. I believe she does and it just takes time and practice, doesn't happen over night, I swear I saw the light bulb turn on over her head.
Why do you think you are that way? No reason, just curious tis all, smiles.
Tue Jan 26 2010 - 06:08 pm
#15
Ebonee - I don't know. I think I'm some kind of uber-nurturer! That and the fact I'm very empathetic and people open up to me very easily. I did a degree in Psychology and I'm fascinated by people (maybe I should have taken it up as a career rather than make it part of my personal life!).
It's funny because, for years, I've moaned, "Why doesn't anyone want to look after/fix/nurture me?" but the fact of the matter is I'd probably find that very uncomfortable as it would make me feel controlled (one of my parents was very controlling) and I'm very independent.
One thing I have to do (and I picked up on this as a result of a bit of advice Soulmate posted in another thread) is to do less for the men I date (so I don't turn into their mother!). Several times with current boyf I've had to tell myself to sit back and not try and fix a problem he's shared with me. And that's a good thing. There's a danger (and I think Soulmate pointed this out too) that you start to resent someone you do too much for when they don't do anything back and you feel drained.
That's not to say I'd turn my back on my boyf if he needed my help and support but I have to learn to give less of myself.
Tue Jan 26 2010 - 06:17 pm
#16
DaisyUK
The funny thing is that not only the person who is doing too much for another becomes resentful; but the person who receives too much can also become resentful because they may feel that they have been forced into a certain 'favour' debt. It is all about balance of giving and receiving.
Wed Jan 27 2010 - 11:42 am
#17
I am guilty of attracting the man with a broken wing...I have worked (still working) to change that...I am tired of fixing and sending them off to someone or something else. I am no longer a "fixer" of men. I have learned that I can still be loving and caring and supportive...without fixing! Not only do I no longer want to fix or need to fix, but I too don't want a man to try and fix me! Education is power!!
Wed Jan 27 2010 - 11:46 am
#18
Right on Darlin'
I tend to be attracted to guys who have that "lost boy" thing going on. Unfortunately a lot of them turn out to be gay.
Wed Jan 27 2010 - 05:52 pm
#19
lol! That's really not even funny theta...but you must have that mommy thing going on. ;) Once we figure out what it is about *US* then and only then can we try to change things to better ourselves and the men we choose.
veeerrrry innnterstinggk