What to do now?
Tue Mar 16 2010 - 09:48 am
Earlier I've written about a shy guy I've had an eye for during a month or more. Well, saturday 1,5 weeks ago we kissed!!! :D It was wonderful. But I have troubles what to do or not do now... Well the longer story:
Saturday 2,5 weeks ago where our sports team attended a big sports event, he was pretty much around me all day because I hurt my foot during the day and he was being very sweet, but kinda distant in his mind. At the party in the evening he came to me several times as well, and I must admit that I had my hopes up for more to happen, but then again I was sober because of an exam coming up. Well, late in the evening he comes to me and we talked, but suddently he says he needs another drink and walks fast away from me.. the next time i see him he is close with another girl on the dancefloor, holding hands... I got pretty disappointed I must say.. And felt weird. But walked away and ignored him on the way home in the bus.
I didn't see him till the saturday party 1,5 weeks ago, where I didn't know if he would show. Me and my friend arrived pretty late. I noticed him being there, but stayed out of the room where he was and made drinks in the kitchen area instead. After some time he came out and asked how my foot was doing and we started talking from there. He was around me all night. At the very end of the night we were getting close, but then he suddently stopped and said that he felt like he should be fair- that he had seen another girl a couple of times and should probably stop that first to be fair to her.. (Which is because he is a good guy, i know... but...) ..I was drunk and got mad... I felt like being fooled again to believe he wanted me, and then went for the other girl again... so I packed my stuff quick and headed for the door.. which made the poor guy very confused (I regret being such a drama quenn-but i was TOO drunk!) The others stopped me, and persuaded me to stay and drink some more... I got to talk to him again, and said that he must want her then - and he said (so sweet) that no, he wanted me... and that he had had an eye for me since he met me at a bday party in November... I found out that he had kissed the other girl only 2 times, and that they weren't exclusive.. I asked him to come home with me and just sleep..so we did. And it was perfect - he was so sweet and a great kisser! I had to go to work at 1pm. He got my number and wrote me a txt later the day, that he hoped I was feeling better (big time hungover!) and that he had had a nice time at my place. :) I replied later the day but didn't write anything too sweet.
Now the confusing part starts. Monday I wrote him if it had been a good practise.. he replied that it was ok, etc.. In my reply I said that i thought i'd like to see him again..and he said that we could prob arange that.. then it came down to thursday either before 4pm or after 7 pm.. He chose before 4pm - a coffee date (I had hoped it would be after 7.. a movie date - more relaxing) Well, I was nervous. It was me who had initiated the date, and I wasn't sure if he had changed his mind about the other girl.. But the date was nice, and we talked all the time, mainly about more shallow stuff. But no kiss in the end of the date - it ended in the middle of a road crossing, and was kinda awkward, so a big hug instead..
I texted him the day after,friday, (I know... don't do that) and said it was nice to see him again, have a good weekend.. He replied and told me to have a good weekend too. Didn't hear from him other that that.
Then yesterday we met at training. I was a bit confused, had hoped I would have heard from he a bit during the weekend.. So when I came to training I didn't look for him when I arrived.. I was a bit coolish without wanting to.. But tried to smile a bit to him when our eyes met.. He came to talk to me 2 times during training, but it was short. And we didn't talk after training. I have two very good male friends at the team - both gay, and we are a lot together having fun, laughing, playing, gossiping.. at one point one of them asks me - "are you sure he knows that I'm gay..?" according to us being together all the time. I hadn't even thought of how it might look to him...
The thing is: I don't know what to do! At one hand, I have been the one taking contact to him through sms, and I really would like him to take initiative (i even told him to say if he wanted to try out nintendo wii at my place - should be an easy one to go for) But at the other hand I might have been sending mixed signals..and I actually do think he likes me.. H is a bit shy, and I have even heard that girls before me have lost patience with him because he doesn't take initiative... Should I not hesitate contacting him then? Even though I want a guy who wants to see me too and not let me do all the work for it...
Tue Mar 16 2010 - 10:01 am
Hi misconfused
You say "Even though I want a guy who wants to see me too and not let me do all the work for it... "
BINGO!
This guy is maybe slightly interested, but a) he is also interested in another girl and b) you have been initiating most of the contact and most of the dates.
You are not giving out mixed signals, it is obvious you like him. He may or may not be shy, but whatever the case, stop throwing yourself at him. If it's you he really likes, he will come after you, and the only way to tell is to take a step back and let him come to you. If he does not, it's a shame, but there's your answer. You can move on and soon enough another guy will show up who's interested. If it comes to nothing, at least you can look back and remember a great kiss.
At the risk of sounding patronizing - you sound like you're young and have a full and active life. Trust me, you wanna make the most of that right now, leave getting bogged down with men and relationships for later on!
Tue Mar 16 2010 - 01:02 pm
Unfortunately I'm not quite that young.. mid twennies. But I understand why you would think so:) I've recently rediscovered the joy in partying and having fun, plus my English writing is probably pretty simple, as it is a a foreign language.
But you are right, Missyminx. I need to step back and let him come to me.. And I need to get control of myself, cuz I have honestly really felt like a teenager the past couple of weeks! The thing is that he is very different to other men I usually meet. I believe he is an honest, loyal, fun, down to earth kind of guy. And I hope I haven't ruined it by initiating contact too much already.. (which is actually a bad habit of mine - everytime I try to cool my feelings down, I get in doubt if I was too cold, and make sure that is not the case by initiating contact - bad circle)
Tue Mar 16 2010 - 02:53 pm
I'm just curious why you believe he's loyal when he's kissing another girl and yet expressing strong interest in you at the same time?
I know you like him, and obviously there's some interest there as well when he sees you, but he obviously has other irons in the fire. I would suggest you hang back, turn your attention to all the other men coming into your orbit, and just wait to see if he comes forward.
Tue Mar 16 2010 - 05:07 pm
You asked a question, what to do? STOP DOING ANYTHING and move on in your mind.
Either he likes you or he doesn't. The only measure of him liking you is calling you and asking you out.
You had a second date, he did not kiss you, and he did not talk to you much at your training. These are not signs of a man who are interested.
I know this is hard core because you want him to like you, and you can find someone who can, but it is most likely not this man.
And next time, let him do the work that proves his interest.
Tue Mar 16 2010 - 05:33 pm
Trace, I can see your point, and I must admit to myself that I fear that he isn't loyal, which might be why I get insecure of myself in this. But I base it on what our mutual friends says about him. And that he usually doesn't see (m)any girls - but then again who knows.
Tallgirl, I think you are right, I need to stop thinking about him. And need to get back to neutral. Damn I hate that I always ruin it...
I've found out that we are attending the same party Saturday... I don't even feel like going right now.
Wed Mar 17 2010 - 04:11 pm
You can go to that party Missconfused. Providing you get your head right (starting now). Throw your shoulders back, stand tall, and just adopt a relaxed stance. If you need support, take a girlfriend. Remember, you are the prize here, not this man!
By projecting your wants and desires as you have onto this man, when in reality he hasn't (yet) qualified, you have made him far bigger and more powerful than he truly is.
Certainly you can listen to what someone else says about a man, but at the end of the day, you need to be able to make your own judgment. Maybe your mutual friends have simply not spotted his friendliness to other girls? Who knows. Thank goodness you've spotted it though, and that observation will keep you safe and enable you to make a good decision.
Develop an abundance philosophy. There are plenty more men in the sea, trust me! You just need to open your eyes to those, and be open to other men who come your way.
So throw on your best, sexiest outfit, and dance up a storm at the party (or whatever you do at parties to have fun). And tell yourself you are a Goddess, and it is you that has the goodies not any man!
Thu Mar 18 2010 - 04:32 pm
Thanks Trace. I'll try to do that (and perhaps read your post right before going!:). I am going with a friend of mine, and we just discussed today, why it always ends up being the men who "sets our mood"...Perhaps that is the reason for us being single.
But.. I will attend that party with confidence! And perhaps other good men will appear out of the blue! :)
Thu Mar 18 2010 - 04:46 pm
Once you find your strength and power as a woman, then no man can possibly come close to setting the mood! In fact, they even start quivering in our presence (he he)! Get into that Goddess woman energy, remember you have everything a man wants and desires!
Thu Mar 25 2010 - 09:21 am
.
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
Replies