Went on two dates: Both want to date me! there is But on One!
Mon Aug 17 2009 - 09:33 am
Hello Everyone,
This weekend was a good weekend for my dates... been a long while since I good ones come my way...
The first one was planned for over two weeks and we both live 1 hour away from each and he already want to come down and see my area which is great...for this Saturday.
The second one was spur of the moment he was not sure if we were going to meet this weekend since he had long hike on Sunday but I fit him in before my other date...and he is local guy 20 minutes away.
The questions: I had a better connection mentally on 1 hour away guy on arts, music, photgraphy, antiquing and furniture and over all subject matter and he better looking my in eye, he is engineer like me
The local guy (park ranger) was nice and really into me as well but he want a exclusive relationship (like right away) he says quote: people make dating too complicated... and pick each other apart instead of enjoying there time together etc... He new about the other date... he was hoping I would not like long distance guy... local guy and I know long distance is harder to do but....
I such a great connection (long distance) and my daughter goes to college out there (were long distance guy lives) he lives two minutes away from the collage...
I told the local I do not want short change myself or make hestasty desicion I did that past and it cost me... been there and done that and I felt from local guy he is little controling on my part... his repsonse after I told him long distance guy date went better than expected etc.. that I want to see each one on another date and that I need time to make my desicion who I want to be exclusive with...
Local guy said if it is only this long distance guy that is fine he is willing to wait... but what if I wanted to see others beside these two...Long distance guy does not have a problem of me seeing other people before I decide etc...
I want to take my time and really look, observe and listen and watch I react to them and they react to me... I really think I need alot more time before I can make that desicion... I feel if local guy really likes me he should be willing to accept this from me and the process and know in the end if I pick him it comeing from the right frame of mind and right place and heart... am I asking too much... in this type of situation... I almost feeling of letting this local guy pass... that I want someone who is willing to go through process that I feel confortable with me... I was in controlling siutation with my ex-husband been there and done that... this sending me somewhat of yellow flag but not quite red yet... opinions or ideas would be greatly appreciated... finally I am starting to get second dates with men...want to take the process slow...
One question: If I work the process to slow... can that back fire on me too....
Have a wonderful day
Sincerley eileen
Hi Eileen,
Sounds like you already have your answer - local guy seems a bit controlling and that's a big red flag....insecurities, control, wants to move super fast. What's up with all of that??!
If you want to date more than one man and you're not sleeping with any of them then what's the problem? There isn't one, unless one of those other guys has a problem with it. A secure, confident man wouldn't care because he'd probably be thinking he's the best catch and you'll end up with him anyway, lol! He won't care that you date others (again, that means you're not sleeping with any of them) because you'll be comparing them to him and see what a cool, calm, collected, and FUN guy he is!
Yeah, I'm staying drama-free myself by not sleeping with any guy until I'm exclusively dating him, and that means he has asked me to do that, and I agree. In the meantime I'm free to date anyone I want to.
Now I *am* dating one man who has really raised the bar for me and I find that I'm not even interested in a whole bunch of guys who have contacted me online. I can see how low quality they are and I'm not putting my time into something like that. However until I'm exclusive if I come across another high quality man then I'll see what happens there and would go out with him, too, since I do want to keep my options open of course. But there's no way I'd put up with some guy who had a bunch of unhealthy issues, that's drama with a capital D. ;)