Best of luck!!!

Your doing a great job :)

Thanks for the encouragement PG :)

Here's the latest updates on the situation:

He called twice Tue before noon.... Once to ask me where his checkbook was..... um, It's not a joint checking, so I was not really sure why he would think I would know the answer to that question ! :) ha ha.

So my Dad came into town later Tue night and we went to see Jackson Browne in concert. We found out at the show that he is also going to be in Clearwater on Fri, so my Dad says "hey, do you think your BF would want to go to that one" and I said "yeah", that he probably would.

So when we get back out to the car after the show, my Dad says "why don't you call him".... Well, I texted him 1. to make sure he was awake and 2. because if he DIDN'T want to go on Fri I wouldn't have him on the phone and not be able to make some excuse.

So immediately after I text him "hey... you up?", my BF calls me back. So I tell him about the show and say "my Dad wants to take us to Jackson Browne in Clearwater on Fri, are you in?" and he says "uh, I don't know babe, Clearwater wasn't really on my radar for Friday".

So I say, "uh ok" cause I really wasn't expecting him to say anything other than YES and he says "why do you sound like I just kicked your dog?" and I said "I don't", kind of laughed it off, and then said "well I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow" and he says "sure I'll talk to you tomorrow" all sarcastic like.

So on my way home once I got in my own car, I called him again to explain what had happened and he didn't answer.... didn't send me straight to voice mail or anything but he didn't pick up. Well, half an hour went by and still no call back from him so I texted "hey, did not mean to put you on the spot, that's why I texted instead of calling... Dad was excited and wanted to see if you wanted to go on Fri. I just said 'talk to you tomorrow' cause you were less than enthusiastic and I kind of didn't expect that. Sorry if I irritated you. No harm meant."

I got no response.

I went ahead and broke the no contact rule and called him around lunchtime.... He said he felt like me putting him on the spot like that was really ****ty (which it was, even though that was sooo not my intention) and I said "I know, that's why I texted you.... I should have sent you to VM and then just texted you the situation".

So the call actually went well and we chatted for a few more minutes. I ended the call by saying "OK sweetie, I'll let you get back to your day" and he said "Thanks.... have a good day babe".

However..... it's Wednesday and he has made no mention of getting together. He knows I am going to be over there on Fri anyway and that only leaves tonight or tomorrow to see each other during the week.

I did mention on Mon that I would like to get together during the week and he seemed amenable to it.... so what gives?

I don't want to be a broken record but I don't just want to be a weekend girlfriend either.

Any ideas on how to get him to want to see me during the week?

Oh boy.....I feel your pain. I'm not sure there is anything you can do to "make" him want to see you during the week. He needs to get to a place on his own where he "wants" to see you during the week. Is he very career driven and focused that way?

Perhaps if you start being busy on the weekends where he is expecting to see you, he will sit up and take notice more?? You could try that.

How much time do you spend with your parents and your bf together? Maybe the prospect of seeing a concert with you and your Dad freaked him out a bit???

Last suggestion would be to maybe not put too much emphasis on the whole thing and when you are with him just have fun and be playful and sexy....then during the week try and forget about him (easier said than done). He will pick up on your anxiousness if you are worrying about it too much. Maybe that's what is happening.

Best of luck,
Margaret

I would say:
cut out the weekend time...(soooo hard!) But maybe if it was a wakeup call that not every weekend is going to be with him, then maybe he'd value the time during the week?

Just a suggestion, I do know that its hard...Cause If my bf planned something without me during OUR weekend time i'd be like :(
(but thats our time???)

Maybe a little shocker couldnt hurt... LET HIM MISS YOU...

I honestly wouldnt bring up the concert anymore...he obviously knows your going, and he's not.

Hope this helps?
jb

Thanks for the advice guys.

Margaret- I was thinking it might come down to cutting out some weekend time too. I think part of the situation might be some of the issues we've had lately and that part of it is also that he IS very career driven and focused during the week.... sometimes even on the weekends.

I might try doing some more girls nights out.... still go back and stay with him, but be out doing my own thing for a few hours, you know?

WE have spent quite a bit of time with both families.... we have dinner with his parents almost every Friday night, and he has had dinner with my family several times, and gone to a football game with my Dad, so I don't think the family thing freaks him out.

It may have been about the money situation.... my Dad was going to foot the bill, but he may not have realized that or he may have been uncomfortable with it. Who knows.

Party Girl- I'm thinking it's more girls nights.... that should make him sit up and think a little bit :)

I don't know... he is having a hard time in his career and has been for a while now... so maybe he is giving all he can right now. Maybe I need to just chill out on it.... I know in the past when money has not been so tight for him, he wanted to do things all the time with me.

I just don't want to get pigeon holed into a Friday through Sunday girl :) Even though I enjoy our weekends immensely !

Thanks again guys. Sometimes I do not know how I would get through some stuff without all this support :)

All right, now I am really po'ed.

Sent him an email this afternoon:

"Just read an article on ****.com that says studies show men sleep better with a woman in their bed. Wanna get a good nights sleep tonight?"

He responded:

"it's a video game night, it's up to you"

WTF!!!!!!!!!!

What part of "let's try and get together one night this week" did he not freaking get?!?!

I am so furious right now it is not even funny.

I know he's busy, I know he's stressed and I know the video games are an outlet for that, but at what point does our relationship become a priority?

I don't want to cut out time on the weekends because maybe he does have legitimate reasons for not getting together during the week, but the lack of him calling to actually have a conversation and the lack of invites during the week is starting to make me feel really crappy.

OHHHH AIMEE!

I am sorry to hear that! Man that was an excellant HINT! And he didnt take the bait? HELLO?!?!?!

Wow I wish I had better advice:

THROW THE GAME IN THE TRASH!? JK!

I would most def incorperate girls night Or just dont bring up staying over ANYMORE... drastic decision as he may STILL not get the HINT!

Let me know what happens?
What was your response when he said..."its up to you?"

PG----

Hey girl ! I know I can always count on you :)

I DIDN'T RESPOND after he said "it's up to you".

Not to mention, I sent him that email around noon.... even if he had originally planned to play the video game, he could have been like "oh crap, that's right... she wanted to get together this week and I totally screwed up..." and then said "yeah, tonight would be cool" or something.

I just don't know if this is him being REALLY selfish or me not respecting his boundaries (per the "Just Need to Gripe to Someone" post).

I'm really hurt and confused and not quite sure how to handle this. I mean, everyone has weeks where they just want to do their own thing, but come on ! I point blank said "let's try and get together this week" !

How much more of a brick do I need to hit him over the damn head with?!?

Aimee~

Of course girl.. we have developed a frienship...

Okay so do you remember one of my posts where i said...

Wow,the more I b!tch and moan about wanting him to come over the more we fight, and the less i paid attention to him the more he was asking me..."why dont you invite me over?"

Same rules apply...

I know how this feels... hence, another one of my post... LAST ON THE LIST!
Girl i know how you feel....

To him he may not even realize that you are so badly WANTING that time with him... Does he realise that you are not going to see him that much this weekend.. if at all?

(I'd want to throw the dam game out of the window!)

Honestly I think he is just being a guy... Not knowing he's hurting/pissing you off!

His intentions are to relax... AND "YAY!" PLAY THE GAME!

Maybe... do the TOTAL NC THING and let him wonder a bit...
That or just follow your heart... and have a serious convo with him!
I hope this helps friend....

Let me know what you think!

I'm not saying he's doing it to intentionally be hurtful, but it still is hurtful !

I would be more of a bitch about it , but Thanksgiving is coming up and I don't want to cause drama in light of that.

This is just so frustrating. :/

Ok.... update. I thought maybe not responding at all was a little rude, and I also do not want to give the impression that he has "got my goat", so to speak, so this is what I responded:

"Damn.... what's a girl got to do to see her man during the week? :)

Have fun with your game..... I guess we can be all warm and snuggly tomorrow. "

I think it gets the point across without being bitchy. We'll see what he responds :) Keep ya'll posted !

Aimee,

Your so funny...

You always keep things so cheerful and sweet... but behind the curtain your so frustrated. I wish i could do that... but i certainly cant hide my feelings.

Maybe that'll work!

Let me know :)

Thanks for the kind words !

I try to "keep it light". No one wants to be around someone who's frustrated and miserable all the time.

Maybe in some ways I need to detach myself a little bit and just throttle back on my expectations. And maybe at some point I need to have a long hard look at what needs are being met, vs. which ones aren't and see what's more important.

Oh, and ps.... he probably won't respond to that email, unless he's being a sarcastic butt head, but I'll let you know :)

I can sense your frustration, I would be very frustrated as well.

I may be totally off the point, but considering what I remember from your history there has been some weird behaviour on his part for a while. You say he isn't trying to be hurtful, but he is being very hurtful nevertheless and I have a feeling that he is playing a game here, no not just a computer game, but a full-on power game with you. I have no way of knowing the reason for that, but it very much seems to be the case.

In my view you have two options in your disposal:

1 Not initiating any contact whatsoever and only responding to his, never mind how inconvenient it is for you. You have thrown him opportunities so many times and he really doesn't respond appropriately. He really has to get to the point where he will miss you so much that the computer game suddenly loses all its attraction.

2. Have a proper talk, calmly and assertively state how this situation makes you feel. It is a somewhat risky option, but you sound like a very gutsy woman and I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to be in this position. As far as I remember you have been together for two or three years, so it is not a brand new fragile relationship, so if this relationship is worth its salt, you should be able to talk to your partner.

Wise.... Thanks for posting. I know your posts have been very helpful on other topics of mine as well.

My response to his "it's a video game night" message of "damn.... what's a girl got to do to see her man during the week" was sort of intended to get the point across of "hey, I wanted to see you this week, you knew that and you still didn't take me up on it, what gives?".

I think my strategy from here on out (and yes, I consider myself a gutsy woman and no, it's not a fragile relationship... I have been told by him many times how much he values me in his life and how he could not imagine me not being a part of it) is going to be to just let it go for now, enjoy Thanksgiving the week after, and then make myself so scarce he says "what happened to my girlfriend"?

Now, I don't want to just blatantly be like, "if you can't spend time with me I won't spend time with you".... I prefer a more subtle approach. But let's just say I may be planning a girls weekend and a family weekend back to back if things don't improve. :)

As far as just coming out and talking about it... I have talked to him, and yes, he has a lot going on, so I never really know if it's me and he has a legit reason to be this way or if he's just being a selfish ass.

I feel that action and not words may be more appropriate at this point.

I salute your choice to go for the 'action speaks louder than words' option.

Just as a side comment: there is talk and there is talk. I would be very surprised if anyone achieved anything by "if you can't spend time with me I won't spend time with you" type talk.

If you ever choose to talk again, I would very much recommend a different approach along the lines of 'I feel really sad, if I feel like I am very low on your priority list' or something like that. Then you are expressing your feelings in an assertive, calm and respectful manner without pushing him in the corner and he is less likely to go all defensive on you.

The idea is to use 'I' statements, describing your feelings using words like sad, disappointed, scared, worried etc. So the formula is 'I feel...... when .....happens'. It is most likely to give you two a win-win solution; let's face it, if only one of you 'wins', you will both lose.

Given a choice, I tend to favour the more direct approach myself as I can't stand the merry little dance that sometimes goes on, and it certainly puts a stop to all that so I can get on with my life...having said that you need to make that decision for yourself and everyone's different.

I agree with Wise though, it would more more productive I think if you could phrase your thoughts slightly differently.

Something that works for me is keeping in mind what my needs/deires and wants are. Not blaming, not accusatory, not showing a man how much his actions are hurting me, (even though inside I might be upset and angry)just plainly and calmly stating my needs thats all. If you phrase it so you're letting him know it makes you happy when you receive hugs, attention, dates or whatever it is you desire, and the absence of such makes you feel sad/bit lonely/isolated or whatever I find that comes across far better.

A man can do something about sad, but he can't do much about hurt,angry or upset.

OK.... so he actually called me later this afternoon and talked to me "just to make sure I was OK".

I thought that was nice :)

He said that he was surprised I waited so long to suggest we get together and I said "well I was trying to give you the chance to do it so I don't feel like I am inviting myself over !". He laughed and said he appreciated that, but that he had been really busy (playing vidio games I imagine) and that he was looking forward to spending the weekend with me.

I said yes, that I would have liked to have seen him during the week because I liked having that connection with him, and that I understood that sometimes it wouldn't work out for us to get together but I did want to really try to make that effort. He said he understood and that if I wanted to get together to just call !

He also mentioned that sometimes he feels like when he gives me an inch I take a mile, so I am thinking that maybe a lot of this had to do with the boundary issues and his perception that if he gives me anything out of the norm that I am just going to start going all crazy chick on him again.... which, as much as I hate to admit, I can understand.

So we chatted for a bit and then he asked what I was up to... I told him I was going to dinner with a friend at a place near his house and he said, "ok, feel free to swing by afterward if you want."

I went by after dinner and we chatted more about work and he also told me that he feels like I have been a lot more respectful of the boundary issues, and he appreciated that.

So.... long story short, I think there is just some wounding on both sides that is going to have to heal. For now it might just be better to kind of chill out and just let things happen.... which is usually the best course of action anyway :)

Aimee~
I am so glad that you talked about this. And you know better than anyone how/what the details are with you relationship!

Glad you talked...

Hope you have fabulous weekend :)

Aimee -
From what I've read here I think your guy is doing the typical "scared of commitment" thing and at this stage in your relationship you really have to chill out and let him figure things out on his own. He is obviously still very much into your relationship because if he wasn't, he'd be out by now. Given the comments he made about you taking a mile when he gives you an inch. He is just feeling crunched sometimes.

Your best course of action in my opinion is to enjoy your time together and just live your life through the week. Do not call him....and the part about him saying just call me if you want to come over. I wouldn't....let him come to you. You deserve to feel as if he wants you just as much as you want him when you are not together.

At some point, if you aren't getting your needs met, you will have to make a decision. We can only control our actions and not anyone else's. You sound like a kind, bubbly person who deserves to be happy all the time; not just on the weekends.

I hope you have a good weekend and good luck,

Margaret

Thanks PG and Margaret !

I have gotten some really good advice and I think my game plan is just going to be to CHILL :) and keep busy doing my own thing.

However, I also don't think at this stage of the relationship that it's unreasonable for me to ask for what I want, so at some point I may just have to realize that he is not a mind reader and just doesn't have the same "need" to be with his woman all the time.

I'm sort of the type that likes to be with my man a lot... not 24/7 (I would probably throttle him ! ha ha), but most of the time would be fine. He on the other hand, is more of a loner. So, if I feel like it's a night where I want to get together, yes, I may call.

Again, he's not a mind reader and if he says "sure come on over" then obviously he would enjoy my company. If he says "tonight's not good babe" then I will have to accept that.

Overall the relationship is a good one... and we have SO much fun together !

Oh, forgot to mention one thing that was funny this past weekend:

He said I was being more affectionate than usual and I said "yeah, I kind of missed you this week". He replied "you're so cute when you're like this, but I can only imagine how it would be if you lived here and were like this 7 days a week!"..... I laughed and said "it's funny that you think I would be more affectionate, but I would probably be less so!"

Then I gave him my cookie jar analogy:

If you know that you can only eat cookies three days a week, then during those three days you are going to chow down on some cookies like there is no tomorrow ! But, if you know that cookie jar is there at your disposal all the time, you only grab a cookie once in a while.... cookies no longer become something you HAVE TO HAVE !

Yes, my BF is the cookie jar.... ha ha :)

He was cracking up , and I thought it was a great comeback ! (score 1 for me !)

lol thats pretty hilarious!
Good for you...

are you going to that concert tonight?