You say you're comfortable with this...but the question isn't if you're comfortable...but how comfie do you think his wife is or would be with the knowledge of her husband's infidelity?

Are you really comfortable taking something that doesn't belong to you? Walk away. Not for you. Walk away because it's actually the RIGHT THING TO DO!

Just because he makes you cum and you love the sex doesn't make this right.

Thanks for your imput K203. I am aware that this is the wrong thing to do, and he is aware of it as well, hence the "rewarding bad behaviour" comment. At the moment, I am putting aside the right and wrong of this liaison, as it is a separate topic of discussion, in order to find out how his mind is working and why is he doing this? Oh btw, he isnt married.

My question to you would be, why are you playing sloppy seconds? In my opinion, I would want to be the one that he was invested in 100%. You're settling for less and in doing so, he will never feel the need to walk away from the other woman. He can have his cake and eat it too!

What you do is up to you, but I would put a stop to it ASAP. You are allowing him to treat you as second best.

Shilo,
I don't think you are going to find anyone here on this forum interested in figuring him out for you. I don't know of anyone that supports his behavior or yours. What both of you are doing is wrong.
Who cares what he wants or why he is acting a certain way? Hopefully it is because he knows that he is a cheating coward. I don't care how financial secure you are in a relationship, if you are miserable you get out! You don't cheat...the gf or wife (whatever she is) knows what he is doing and is probably treating him like a dog because that is what he is...I am sure you are not the first for him and if you are I can guarantee you that you won't be the last..

Sorry for the directness here, but I have been in the other woman's shoes...Trust me, there is no respect for you or him.....

The other important factor that plays into this that maybe you need to look at. IMO, there is not a women on this planet that will have an affair with married man (or taken) that has self respect.

Strong, thanks for your comments. I appreciate your bluntness and its probably what I needed to hear.
I have been telling myself lately, if he leaves her for me, he would probably do the same to me.
Yep, I think I need some more time to work on my self respect.

I don't want to come off as rude here, but I was married for a very long time to a man that cheated on me and probably did the things that this guy is doing with you. The woman on the phone that you heard probably knows that something is going on but cannot prove it, you know woman's intuition, hence the tone in her voice.

First off, you need to have respect for yourself. Even if this guy leaves, he is a cheater! Once a cheater always a cheater. He will get with you and after a while when the excitement wears you will wonder...

My ex of 20 years left me for my best friend whom I have known since I was 15. Can I tell you I introduced them and she stayed in my house(Came in for sister-in-laws funeral)... and paraded their relationship in front of my children and family members when we were not even divorced yet. I have 0% respect for this woman. I was 100% faithful to my ex and bent over backwards for him (still trying to figure out why, because frankly I am so glad the B**** got him) I am happier than I have ever been so, you can take on her misery or you can walk away feeling good about yourself. There are plenty of emotionally available men out there and you don't need to be a home wrecker to get one. I totally agree with the woman above that "there is not a woman on this planet that will have an affair with a married or taken man that has self respect" VERY WELL SAID!!!!

Shi- sounds like you know full well this is a HIGH RISK situation...it's a big gamble with the odds being in favor of your getting hurt...badly...I know you don't want to hear that and that you're a big girl...but trust one who knows. My recent ex and I had a rich, wonderful (for the most part) relationship f/ over 6 years. The problem was, when I first met him, he was "newly" detached, meaning he was recently widowed. Although I made a firm commitment to proceed w/ caution, he and I got deeply involved. I loved him w/ my whole heart. He was a good man. But I know full well that the grief loss process can take a good 5 years..I went into this with this full awareness. In the end, he really didn't want to fully commit. Although he loves me, he would have been perfectly happy continuing indefinitely w/a committed/monogomous "dating" relationship. To me that ain't commitment. Now I know your situation is a bit different. You're in the "infatuation" stage..and OMG, does that ever feel soooooo yummy...very tempting and hard to give up - but hard as it is, try and not delude yourself, essentially romeo is a "cheater"..if he's still in a relationship w/ someone else, yet sleeping w/ you, what's to say he wouldn't do the same to you down the road...do yourself a favor and put the brakes on until you get an official green light...or your in f/ a world of hurt! Trust me, I'm an expert on the whole re-bound thing...last one lasted 6 years! Believe it or not, I'm not the least bit "bitter", just really heartbroken and really feeling vulnerable...and that's what you are right now..vulnerable...don't ever forget...the double standard is was and always will be out there and applies: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk f/ free". Sorry to sound so preachy, but be prepared.

Amen, JS! "Cheaters'n'Beaters" is the #1 NO EXCEPTIONS deal breaker!

Smerk, thank you so much. I am so so aware of what is happening is so so wrong. You have pinned it down - I am vulnerable. I think he truly wants to "fix" me (not sexually, though) as it is something he mentions a bit - that he has had a "dramatic" impact in how I feel at the moment about myself. I keep telling him to pull his head in!
I guess I am torn at the moment in having "fun" until something better comes along and growing a conscious. Right now, I think my conscious will win. The fact that Im even sharing this with you guys and deep down knowing what kind of response I would get proves that my conscious is winning.
Wish me luck! I'll be back, no doubt, in tears!

I'm going to take a different tack than the others.

I think you need to think about yourself. He is responsible for his actions, why should that be up to your conscience if he is freely deciding to spend time with you?

Think about the risks and disadvantages to yourself. If he is becoming moody and offloading his problems onto you, do you really want to mother him? If this disrespectful girlfriend is going to make your life hell - and believe me, she will find out - are you ready to deal with her? What are your choices, and do the advantages continue to outweigh the disadvantages? Remember, as long as you are in this situation, you are putting off your own chances of meeting someone who will commit fully to you.

I wish you luck and clear thinking.

"Now, I know this sounds almost perfect, hey? lol Heres the catch....he's attached. "

"Thanks for your imput K203. I am aware that this is the wrong thing to do, and he is aware of it as well, hence the "rewarding bad behaviour" comment. At the moment, I am putting aside the right and wrong of this liaison, as it is a separate topic of discussion, in order to find out how his mind is working and why is he doing this? Oh btw, he isnt married."

Since you bring up the "attached" factor, you clearly see this as a valid and important relationship that this man is in. Married or not he's got a standing committment to someone else. And you are "comfortable" (your word) participating in his breaking of that committment.

It's still wrong.

shiloh2768, if you read your first post imagining it was written by your best friend or your daughter (whether you have one or not is unimportant), you would know EXACTLY what kind of advice to give, wouldn’t you? When you are in this yourself, it is easy to get caught up by the avalanche of emotions and lose perspective.

What you are describing is the oldest story in the book and it only feels somehow special and different, if you play the female lead, or is it the female in a supporting role???

Take the advice what you would give to someone you love. Or, put it slightly differently, love yourself enough to make a self-honouring choice.

Lots of love,

Wise_until_it_happened_to_me

Shiloh,

"I truly believe that he needs to be wanted; needs to be needed; and needs to feel worthy and manly again and apparently I make him feel that way."

What do you need?

All I know when cheaters cheat to me there is no amount of love or respect one can give another if they are not showing it to the person they are attached to or to themselves. They waste time trying to prove they are adults, men/women of their word, who can love a person openly and honestly when they stand before you ready to disregard the relationship they are in and expect a person to follow.

I was in a simliar situation in the early part of the year and found myself falling for him, then I stood up for me, for my morals and ethics, an adult with a full working mind to know the difference between right and wrong. I decided it was wrong for me to waste my time with a man who was attached with a mortage, I deserved so much more than he was giving. So before my heart got all carried away on a pipe dream, I just stopped disrespecting myself that way.

Good luck.

Shi, you said in post #9:
"I guess I am torn at the moment in having "fun" until something better comes along and growing a conscious. Right now, I think my conscious will win. The fact that Im even sharing this with you guys and deep down knowing what kind of response I would get proves that my conscious is winning.
Wish me luck! I'll be back, no doubt, in tears!"

There's no guessing about it!
At the moment, you are having FUN

Then there will be balance in the Universe...
What goes around comes around.

If you give then you'll receive. You heard of that , didn't you?
There's no mistake in the Universe.

You will be in TEARS.

Auds
xoxox

Okey I have a question for you. Would you trust a guy with your love, if he so willingly turned his back on his wife? What makes you think he wont do that to you? And yeah I'm sorry if this seems harsh but thats disgusting. A disgrace to women kind.

I am going on the quote EJ went on.

"I truly believe that he needs to be wanted; needs to be needed; and needs to feel worthy and manly again and apparently I make him feel that way."

Who wants a man like that. Do we as women depend on a man to make us feel that way? No, not the smart ones, we get validation from ourselves. So why on earth wouldn't a man do the same and not depend on a woman to give that to him and have the balls to find it in himself. That screams weakness in a man. That is a man that once he tires of the fix that you give him will move onto to another to get his fix or feel needed because he does not know how to look himself in the mirror and find validation from himself and who he truly is.

Take off those glasses, stomp on them and run.