Those First Few Days: Any Advice?
Mon Mar 01 2010 - 09:45 pm
Day One of breakup.
If anyone (DWD gentlemen, could we hear from you too?) wants to chime in with some advice for that first rough week or so after the breakup, let's share here.
I'll start it off: take the best physical care of yourself that you possibly can. It will anchor your emotions. Yoga helps (or walk fast, or go to the gym.) Yes, you may wake up during the night, but try to keep your sleep schedule on track.
Be realistic: you can't forget the person in one day, especially if it was a serious relationship. There might be tears. Let 'em come.
Easier said than done, but try not to hold onto anger. It'll hurt you more than the person you're angry at.
Even though you're gonna feel awful sometimes, don't stop making eye contact and smiling at people in stores or when walking down the street. Isolating yourself is not good.
That's all I can think of for now. Going to Starbucks to read and work on my laptop. Beats sitting at home crying!
Wed Mar 03 2010 - 12:01 pm
You got the right idea!
Thu Mar 04 2010 - 05:32 pm
I play a little game with myself. I say ok if you dont contact him in say 10 days on the 10th day you can have a little reward and you can contact him, now when the 10th day comes I say ok, you've done this well now lets see if you can go 20 days, and so on etc. till the 40th day or whatever comes along and by now I actually dont want him at all! Now this obviously is not going to work for everyone, if your counting down the days till you can contact him and the want is still as great on day 10 as it was on day 1 this is not gonna work for you! I see it like a diet, when I'm dieting if I'm good all week I can have a sunday off, but if I've been very very good I'm so proud of myself that I dont actually want that chocolate bar on sunday I want to keep being good! I guess what I'm trying to say is that my ex is my chocolate bar, and girls can anyone honestly say that breaking your diet to eat that chocolate bar is ever worth it? Does the chocolate ever taste sooo good that, after when you wipe the crumbs of you go "yep that was soo worth breaking my diet for!" NO!!! we always feel we've let ourselves down when we to this so treat your love life like a diet!! the rewards are always so much better!!! So how about treating yourself to say a new dress etc if you abstain from the ahem "chocolate bar" for a month! soon you'll have a fabolous wardrobe if nothing else!!
Fri Mar 05 2010 - 11:25 pm
this is the first friday night without him in a year. and i just saw that he changed his facebook status: no longer "in a relationship." the pain is really intense.
so i thank you, regengirl, for your advice.
Fri Mar 05 2010 - 11:38 pm
awww maria...I am so sorry! it will get better (probably worse before better)..but you will make it thru this!
Sat Mar 06 2010 - 12:08 am
thank you itsy. i can't believe how much you all have helped...and we've never even met.
this is such a bizarre nightmare. the man asked me to marry him, for god's sake. then the whole thing fell apart in one weekend. it seems so crazy.
i know, i have to stop rehashing the details...and i will.
thanks for allowing me to vent, you amazing DWD posse! you got me through this night.
Mon Mar 08 2010 - 04:18 pm
WAIT...THE GUY ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM AND HE HAD NEVER MET YOU IN PERSON? YOU SHOULD HAVE RAN THEN! SORRY!
Mon Mar 08 2010 - 06:25 pm
I have just ended a 2 year relationship and I know that I have given him more than enough chances to prove that he can be a man. I started to realise that this guy was really jealous of me. He started to be very disrespectful towards me and used to tell me the most craziest things to hurt my feelings. He regularly accused me of cheating when in actual fact it came to light that he was still seeing his ex that he has a son with. She's not on my level in anyway! Since being with me he has elevated in life. His previous partners kept him back. It amazes me that he would upgrade to a good hearted woman like myself yet keep running back to his troublesome ex! He wants us to marry and have kids etc.. He can sod off. This is my problem...The sex was mind blowing! Never have I connected with someone so strongly sexually before so I feel like I'm missing out in someway. How weird is that? I know he is no good for me and I dont want to be with him but I cant stop thinking about the pleasure. Any advice??? xxx
Mon Mar 08 2010 - 07:03 pm
hot mess,
gosh this story sounds familar. I feel the same exact way. I have made his life better and he still talks to his ex. Had a bad fight saturday night and I think it's because he found out she had a date. I'm not too sure but something led to his drinking and I'm pretty sure that's what it was. His whole family cant stand this woman and they love me. I dont understand these men and what they are thinking. Maybe because I'm not a bitch and they really do want one! I know I have some drama in my life but nothing like hers. He wont even talk to me now over this argument. The sex is amazing and I feel as if i would compare anyone to it and it wouldnt be good. I've broken all the rules and texts and called him today. He finally picked up and was rude and hateful. I dont understand but I think it has to do with his ex. The whole fight was because I was so tired of him putting me down and I let him know it. I'm not her and will never be her and I'm glad I'm not. I just dont know and I'm so confused at how they think!!
Mon Mar 08 2010 - 08:20 pm
Ladybugtina,
I'm not the kind of woman who is in denial and I have analysed my situation and the only conclusion i can come to is that she is his safety net. Attractive men seem to date women who are not so to avoid having to be insecure. Now ive seen his ex and believe me she's a mess. I'm well groomed with a media career and personable. When were out in public I get all the attention even if it's just to go food shopping and he hates it. Like you his family, friends everyone loves me and praises him 4 finding a lovely chick like myself. Now he never compliments me but will boast that he has me to his friends and what job I have to big himself up but treats me like rubbish. You said you guys fought on the saturday and yet he's still being rude and showing off. Sod him he's a fool! Don't get it twisted he does know you are a good thing for him but feels insecure so would rather be around trailer trash where he feels secure. lol. We can do so much better. Dont ring him again. Ive been avoiding his calls. He's been at my door but I leave him outside like the flinstone cat. He says he loves me and he's sorry and he'll change blah, blah, blah but i'm smart enough to not confuse a mans ego for love! If he truly loved me we wouldnt be in this situation now. I just need to get over the sex part. I'm going to Ann Summers to find a sex toy. lol... We are good hearted women that will find the right people we just need to look at this as a learning curve.
Tramps should stay with tramps and class should stay with class. When classy women go for tramps and try to help them they always get kicked in the teeth. Shake him off babe. xxx
Mon Mar 08 2010 - 09:48 pm
How long have yall been broken up? I did the big no no after i talked to him a few hours ago. He acted like he was home feeling bad, well i had to pick my daughter up a couple hours later and drove by his house and low and behold he wasnt home.... such a liar and cheater I would say since i know he has been talking to her the whole time we have been together. I think I needed to do that for myself. i pulled over and sent him a text " How dare you treat me this way after all this time! You have lied and cheated on me the whole time! Good luck with Lisa!" well after I sent the text I felt better. I dont know why I just did. Not 40 minutes later my phone rang and it was him but I didnt answer. I just dont know if I can be strong enough not to answer. I'm thinking of changing my number but I've had this number for 7 years! Oh his ex is so ugly and mean and I should say she is a mess. her whole life is, I think they deserve each other. he's a mess too! He's very goodlooking but like you explained he is insecure. When he is drinking he brags on himself about how good he looks, blah blah blah...I just try to think that no matter what he looks like why would a woman wanna put up with him?? I do need advice on how to ignore him! I know I shouldnt have driven by but in a way I'm glad I did, kind of gave me some closure enough to go to sleep tonight I hope!
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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