of course, I think now a days no problem, it shows your confident and as long as you're not doing all the moves in the future, I say go for it.

Only if you want to pick him up, put him in your wagon and then pull your wagon around to keep him happy.

Definitely don't ask a shy guy out. Definitely do give him more encouragement than is normally necessary.

Shy guys can be inspired! I go out with one occasionally and it's very hard for me to sit back and not take the lead, but I don't. Sometimes we have to wait longer than I am accustomed to for the check because me and my big mouth would be waving my arms at the wait staff to get it. Nope not this guy. I have to sit on my hands and wait for him to wait for her to come to the table. The differences in us is a source of our entertainment but I really don't think he would like it if I took the lead. I smile at him a lot, try it.

For the record, often shy people are attracted to extroverted, big-personality people for that exact reason: they actually WANT someone else to take off the pressure and perform the social obligations. And they find this quality attractive, because they are so bad at it.

I know many happy marriages that's dynamic works where one is shy and the other isn't, and believe me, the non-shy one does NOT take a backseat to the other's personality! Not at all.

It reaallly depends on the guy. I have asked out men because I thought they were shy but it blew up in my face. Contrary to Barn's experience, mine is that they were even more intimidated and embarrassed by someone asking them out. They didn't know what to do and it sent them screaming into the night. It was like the person who just doen't know how to take a compliment.

I would start with Sweetie's advice and just give him lots of encouragement. If he doesn't bite there is a reason

Robin-
I think you hit the nail on the head! The guy I'm interested in doesn't call, doesn't text, but we've gone out in a group and then ended up just the two of us at an event the others didn't want to attend. I tried the "leaning back" and smiling and basically being friendly and out there, and he complimented my choice of venue and (as always) my intelligence but not a phone call afterwards to say what a great time he had--nothing. Now this guy was the one to contact me out of the blue about six months ago (an old classmate) but then got sidetracked with another long-distance relationship (old gf of his/classmate of ours). I see her status now has gone to "in a relationship" to nothing in the past couple weeks so I know he's single again. What's up with these guys?? His best guy friend (who's part of our group) called me last night and we talked about the woman he likes and about this (shy?) guy I did express that I enjoy being pursued but also that I don't do competition--if he's still in a relationship I'm steering clear. The irony is that the guy friend calls and texts me all the time but the guy who originally contacted me--nothing. It's really hard to sit back and not get in touch with somebody--the guy friend--to air my feelings about this, but I have to be patient and see where it leads.

Also I plan to date multiple men after my divorce is final but doesn't that kind of competition just cause shy guys to get discouraged and give up?

Whew--this is tiring!! No wonder I've always gone for the jerks who do all the talking and show the interest!!

ugh...breathe...breathe..MUST HAVE PATIENCE!!

Janaroo, yes patience is a virtue but not one of mine either LOL
I've just had a Much Ado About Nothing scenario going on and it was very frustrating talking through someone else and pretending not to know what was really going on. Unfortunately it was all very one sided IMO though. All I was told was that there WAS interest and attraction but nothing has happened yet. I guess my feeling is that if there is mutual interest and attraction then why not act upon it immediately, why wait?

I will share how I got this guys attention although I don't recommend it in all situations, it is very risky and has to fit your personallity, but I look at it like this, nothing ventured nothing gained. At the time I had just been dumped so I was at a place of having nothing to lose.

I was out with the girls listening to a band. We were at the bar and he and his friends were behind us. His friend was jabber jaws, talking and hitting on us. He just stood back a few feet away in watching saying very little. We exchanged a few words and he was very reserved. I got out of my seat walked up to him and just laid one on him, said something about I wanted to see if I felt a spark or not. I sat back down like nothing had happened. Within an hour his arm was on the back of my chair and he somehow managed to get my number and we are still going out. I nice little friendship developed. And yes he has a great personality, quiet and all.

I don't have to do the calling, he does it all. So sometimes just one little bold act may open that door, it does not have to be as bold as mine was, but put fear aside and just do something. Open the door for him to walk through.

Thanks Robin and 3blackcats (nice name!!)=
It's so odd dealing with the types of guys who were afraid to approach me in high school--now this guy comes back 40 years later and still won't make a move!! The thing is now I like myself a lot better than I did back then so am determined that jerks will no longer get my attention & I hold out for the nice guys. But old habits die hard--and the waiting causes doubts to grow in my mind about my own attractiveness :-(

Robin--that's pretty gutsy!! I will keep your little "gesture" in mind--I'm attending a group luncheon where he will be this weekend so we'll see! I have no idea what I'd do but will have to wait until the opportunity presents itself--or maybe he will be the one to step up??

Wish me luck!

Hey folks!! My divorce is (finally) finalized--time to get serious about dating! I'll be relying on all of you more than ever :-D

WTF? Did you all miss the 70's or something?

It's always ok to ask any guy out. It depends on your personality and his.

Well since you mentioned it Xhrispuffyfish, I was raised in the 70's to believe that I could do whatever I wanted but in the real world that turned out to be a pipedream. Many men still want to do the hunting and chasing and I have found that all the men that I went after were not that comfortable when I did it.

WhooHooo Janaroo! Congradulations.

Chris,

I don't feel comfortable asking a guy out. It takes all of the fun out of it. I love that butterfly feeling I get when the phone rings. Don't you know that even when we are grown women and a man we are into makes that call our heart falls on the floor. Then when he asks us out, we scream and do a little dance. Why on earth would we want to miss that euphoria and ruin it all by having to ask him out. It kills the wonderful natural dynamics.

I have a girlfriend that met a guy a few weeks ago, of course he did not call and she called me daily and asked can't I at least text him. I always said no, wait. Yesterday he called, asked her out. She called me, she was screaming over and over "he asked me out". When she was finally done, I said, "now wasn't that so much better than if you had asked him?"

Nope, gonna do it my way.

Whoots! Jan,
So happy for you:) Rely away...LMAO
Auds
xoxox

When a guy asks me to call him, My Line is:
I DON'T CALL ANY MAN

They just look at me like I'm Princess Diana (when she was alive, of course)

YOU MEN break our hearts... because we are emotional beings.
It'S who WE ARE.... some more than others.

YOU DO YOUR JOB, men. CALL ME, IF YOU WANNA DATE ME.
Yeah, been there in the 70's. Best time of my life!

Auds
xoxox

Even in the 70's I did not ask a guy out, of course I was so shy it was not funny and I was also under 18. Hmm Chris is younger than me, was he dating at 10 and 12. Hello Chris!!!!!!

Crap, Robin. Chris is younger than you and you are younger than me.

That makes me the older woman and when Kat was here, I just remembered that the bartender called me MRS. ROBINSON.
Oh! here's to you, Mrs. Robinson...

THEN they played that song on the juke box. Cheers!

And, he thought that I looked like Anne Bancroft.
I called him an id!ot and said,"No, it's Jill Clayburgh". Duh!
Auds
xoxox

Chris, I need to ask your personal opinion on this:

Popular dating wisdom for women states that men may feel flattered by a woman asking him out but it gets old real quick and he gets bored, loses respect and feels cheated out of the chase if a woman does the asking. It rarely ever works out. It is ultimately a turn-off as she is seen as needy, impatient, desparate etc

From your experience could you be into a woman who asked you out first?

Ah heck, he probably just wants someone to ask him out...

Thanks all! I think this particular guy must've read the ****.com version of dating advice(see the post entitled: "Read some total B.S. on a men's advice site")!

He has never called me without being prompted and he seems to have a slew of women pursuing him who he plays mind games with(we meet monthly as a group so I know this); in fact he has told me (and a mutual friend confirms this) that there are women who call him but he ignores or doesn't return their calls. Keep in mind that this guy contacted me first under the pretext of having me review a book which he offered to send to me. We ended up meeting in person at my suggestion...but his actions make me wonder how many other women he mailed books to!!

Last time I told him (we'd all had a few drinks so I spoke my mind) he may not really be available to anyone because he is possibly still hung up on his ex-wife. He actually agreed with me that it could be the case.

At any rate, I've lost interest in this guy. He seems too drama-prone and not assertive or masculine enough for my tastes. Seems to be the case for many guys in my part of the country (not only are the odds not good, the goods are odd too??).

Sorry Chris--not going along with you on this one. I'll wait for the one who REALLY has what it takes to sweep me off my feet. (I believe they call them cojones south of the border LOL) ;-D)

Theta,

It doesn't bother me either way, But I am not cut from the same cloth as most men. My mother died when I was very young and I don't have that need to have a woman in my life to do all those things my mother did for me, as so many men I know do. A lot of men marry for a caretaker, some for arm candy, depends on the man.

But as far as a woman asking me out, I have no problem with it at all ( as long as I am also interested)

I suppose it can be awkward to decline when a woman goes out on a limb and breaks tradition like that, but I usually just say either that I am taking a break from dating ( true right now) or I lie and say I am seeing someone.

At least you give some kind of response. Ignoring a person's calls and going underground is not OK. Seems kind of passive-aggressive to me.