Shy Guys

Definitely don't ask a shy guy out. Definitely do give him more encouragement than is normally necessary.

For the record, often shy people are attracted to extroverted, big-personality people for that exact reason: they actually WANT someone else to take off the pressure and perform the social obligations. And they find this quality attractive, because they are so bad at it.

I know many happy marriages that's dynamic works where one is shy and the other isn't, and believe me, the non-shy one does NOT take a backseat to the other's personality! Not at all.

Robin-
I think you hit the nail on the head! The guy I'm interested in doesn't call, doesn't text, but we've gone out in a group and then ended up just the two of us at an event the others didn't want to attend. I tried the "leaning back" and smiling and basically being friendly and out there, and he complimented my choice of venue and (as always) my intelligence but not a phone call afterwards to say what a great time he had--nothing. Now this guy was the one to contact me out of the blue about six months ago (an old classmate) but then got sidetracked with another long-distance relationship (old gf of his/classmate of ours). I see her status now has gone to "in a relationship" to nothing in the past couple weeks so I know he's single again. What's up with these guys?? His best guy friend (who's part of our group) called me last night and we talked about the woman he likes and about this (shy?) guy I did express that I enjoy being pursued but also that I don't do competition--if he's still in a relationship I'm steering clear. The irony is that the guy friend calls and texts me all the time but the guy who originally contacted me--nothing. It's really hard to sit back and not get in touch with somebody--the guy friend--to air my feelings about this, but I have to be patient and see where it leads.

Also I plan to date multiple men after my divorce is final but doesn't that kind of competition just cause shy guys to get discouraged and give up?

Whew--this is tiring!! No wonder I've always gone for the jerks who do all the talking and show the interest!!

ugh...breathe...breathe..MUST HAVE PATIENCE!!

I will share how I got this guys attention although I don't recommend it in all situations, it is very risky and has to fit your personallity, but I look at it like this, nothing ventured nothing gained. At the time I had just been dumped so I was at a place of having nothing to lose.

I was out with the girls listening to a band. We were at the bar and he and his friends were behind us. His friend was jabber jaws, talking and hitting on us. He just stood back a few feet away in watching saying very little. We exchanged a few words and he was very reserved. I got out of my seat walked up to him and just laid one on him, said something about I wanted to see if I felt a spark or not. I sat back down like nothing had happened. Within an hour his arm was on the back of my chair and he somehow managed to get my number and we are still going out. I nice little friendship developed. And yes he has a great personality, quiet and all.

I don't have to do the calling, he does it all. So sometimes just one little bold act may open that door, it does not have to be as bold as mine was, but put fear aside and just do something. Open the door for him to walk through.