should i just end it?
Sun Aug 30 2009 - 04:01 pm
Hey girls.
Awhh, I am just so thankful 4 this website cuz all you guys give such great advice.
well as you know, I'm Felicia I have been posting up my stuff about my boyfriend. well, I've been with him two years in November, and i do everything for him. I ALWAYS put money in his gas tank and get him things.
of course I love him. but it sucks cuz I only talk to him twice a day on the phone and for only 10 minutes at a time, cuz ya. his mom is real controlling and lemme tell ya, shes kinda mean..
anyway, my story is should i just end it? just tonight me and my boyfriend got in a arguement in the truck cuz he started to tell me
"U should get ur life together" reason why he says this is cuz i have been outta high school since may 08, i know long time and i still haven't gotten a job, and i still haven't got my license yet
but i know all that stuff comes in time. but he has a lot of influence with his mom. i don't know why i keep running back to him every time we fight im like " its over" but then 2 seconds later i tell him i love him. he has called me stupid before, he also has called me a flake and also he just got thru telling me that i need 2 be more outgoing. whatever, that means! its like i try so hard to be perfect for him and its like i can't ever be that perfect girl.
i have no idea. he just got thru telling me tonight that if i dont have my stuff together job, license. etc by january hes dumping me.
was that harsh? i mean, i appericate him being honest with me with a lot of things but sometimes its just a lil too harsh.
pleaseeee help
i am madly in love with him but its like 2 months ago he couldnt use the phone to call me and ever since then its like it just isnt the same, it just doesnt feel right at all. i dont know what it is it just doesn't feel right .. i don't know why i feel like this i never in my life been through this kind of stuff with a guy before.
i am sooooo heartbroken
anything would be appericated!
thanx<33
felicia
Tue Sep 01 2009 - 07:02 pm
Hi Felicia,
If you want me to be very honest with you...please say so and I will tell you (in the best way possible) what I think. Gotta keep it real.
Tue Sep 01 2009 - 10:27 pm
how can you put money in his gas tank if you don't have a job?
Thu Sep 03 2009 - 02:11 pm
Hi xofeexo,
Okay, the first thing that jumps off the page to me is "Why are you taking care of a man?" I understand you love him and would do anything to please him, however, this man doesn't respect you. He's telling you to get your act together, change your personality, do this, and do that, or else, etc. Yet he's depending on you for financial support. It sounds like you are a very nice and caring person, but I would encourage you to end things with him, before he breaks your heart.
L
Sat Sep 05 2009 - 11:47 pm
I have to agree with LSLynn. If a man tells you to change who you are- clearly he doesn't love you for you. It really sounds like he's depending on you financially and doesn't appreciate you for who you are.
I would end it if I were you.
Good luck and all the best,
Ali
Sun Sep 13 2009 - 02:09 am
xofeexo...OK, I may get slammed here, but I'm going to come in from a totally different direction.
I happen to agree with your bf! He can't respect you because what are you doing to earn the respect? Putting gas in his truck? He doesn't really want that, he wants a girl who is productive in her work and personal life (respect) and wants you to not be a door mat! He's right! You should have your license (independence) and he's right! You should be working (independence). You break up and two min. later you tell him you l love him (flake!). What he's trying to say is if you had these things you would feel better about yourself and won't feel the need to be needy. I can't see that he is controlling...just the opposite. He wants you to be your own person. May I ask what is holding you back??
I cannot blame him for laying it all on the line (he really cares for you). He is telling you...I love you, but you aren't growing. He wants someone who is mature. If you love this guy stop being defensive and start showing him with actions!
Isn't this what we expect and tell women on here all the time. Don't settle! Well, I admire your bf and if you're not careful and don't wake up soon...someone else with a life will be admiring him too. I'm sorry, harsh is what you need.
Stop buying him things (he thinks your stupid) well, isn't it? You have no job and you are buying him things! Think about this. Don't feel bad, don't feel guilty, just get motivated!!
You will feel so much better about you and life when you are working and earning and living! I think he is right about this...
Sun Sep 13 2009 - 07:07 am
Felicia,
I'm jumping in here too! I totally agree with what darlin has said.
You need to turn your life around. You need to focus on yourself. You need to make money and move forward. It's really that simple.
You are saying that you speak to him "only talk to him twice a day on the phone and for only 10 minutes at a time, cuz ya. his mom is real controlling and lemme tell ya, shes kinda mean..,"
What have you been doing with yourself since May 08? This is Sept 09!
Hope you don't mind me asking but...What career are you prepared for? What is it that you do all day long?
In a nutshell, you need to become more responsible.
When you do, Felicia, you will feel better about yourself. He will treat you better. And his "controlling, mean" mom will see you in a different light too!
Auds xoxox
P.S. Felicia, here is an article from a reputable source:
Help, Please: It's when someone else's investment in you shoves aside your own.
The only rational, healthy, printable answer to his ultimatum is: "I want financial independence for myself. Getting it to please you won't make it happen any faster. You can either live with that, or you can't." Bonus points if you can also say: "I, meanwhile, can't live with someone who has lost faith in me, or who thinks it's OK to control me. Thanks for some good memories, and good luck with the rest of your life."
This person you love beyond description openly believes he's your superior, and that you aren't worth his time. He doesn't value you, and yet doesn't leave. What does that say about him?
You know he doesn't value you, and you don't leave, either. What does that say about you?
The only goal any of us needs is to value ourselves; everything else will follow. You need to set this goal now, and work toward it hard, for you and you alone.
The "everything" that follows includes not only becoming your best self, but also finding people who cherish the results -- not people who send you back with "Do better or else."
HOPE THIS HELPS YOU SORT THINGS OUT!
Sun Sep 13 2009 - 11:08 am
YES, YES, YES!!! Listen to us smart women here (ha ha) and you will blow yourself away! :)
We have to EARN respect.
Tue Sep 22 2009 - 12:18 am
I think men are meant to expect women to be independence and have their own life to live on.
I was very depend on my ex once for 10 years before marriage ended. he was tired of taking caring of me all the time. I was like a child to him. It was not good for him.
Now I am independence. I am glad I had to learn and grow up myself! I had to do to have a job, have license, and everything. I suggest you deserve it, not just for your boyfriend but yourself.
I am living in with my boyfriend and he appreciates what I do and there are so much more I need to learn.
take care of yourself!
Tue Sep 22 2009 - 03:39 am
wild...(long name), but cute too, :)
I've learned here that a man never wants to feel responsible for a woman's happiness. I also think I wouldn't want to have a heavy burden like that on me feeling that I have to find ways to keep him busy or happy...heck! That would be such work!! And the two of you wouldn't be on the same palying field. Got to have some type of life. It feels good too. Good for the morale, self esteem, and energy levels. :) Also, gives you so much more to talk about and relate with to each other over dinner!
Tue Oct 13 2009 - 07:13 pm
hey boo this comment is for you xofeexo/ u need to let your man go for a min why becuse you cant talk to him when you want. and he dont love you for you. i am tell you like it is he want some other than u bec he can say all of the thing he say to u than he dont love u or like u. well i hope this help u
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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