Hi Felicia,

If you want me to be very honest with you...please say so and I will tell you (in the best way possible) what I think. Gotta keep it real.

how can you put money in his gas tank if you don't have a job?

Hi xofeexo,

Okay, the first thing that jumps off the page to me is "Why are you taking care of a man?" I understand you love him and would do anything to please him, however, this man doesn't respect you. He's telling you to get your act together, change your personality, do this, and do that, or else, etc. Yet he's depending on you for financial support. It sounds like you are a very nice and caring person, but I would encourage you to end things with him, before he breaks your heart.

L

I have to agree with LSLynn. If a man tells you to change who you are- clearly he doesn't love you for you. It really sounds like he's depending on you financially and doesn't appreciate you for who you are.
I would end it if I were you.

Good luck and all the best,

Ali

xofeexo...OK, I may get slammed here, but I'm going to come in from a totally different direction.

I happen to agree with your bf! He can't respect you because what are you doing to earn the respect? Putting gas in his truck? He doesn't really want that, he wants a girl who is productive in her work and personal life (respect) and wants you to not be a door mat! He's right! You should have your license (independence) and he's right! You should be working (independence). You break up and two min. later you tell him you l love him (flake!). What he's trying to say is if you had these things you would feel better about yourself and won't feel the need to be needy. I can't see that he is controlling...just the opposite. He wants you to be your own person. May I ask what is holding you back??

I cannot blame him for laying it all on the line (he really cares for you). He is telling you...I love you, but you aren't growing. He wants someone who is mature. If you love this guy stop being defensive and start showing him with actions!

Isn't this what we expect and tell women on here all the time. Don't settle! Well, I admire your bf and if you're not careful and don't wake up soon...someone else with a life will be admiring him too. I'm sorry, harsh is what you need.

Stop buying him things (he thinks your stupid) well, isn't it? You have no job and you are buying him things! Think about this. Don't feel bad, don't feel guilty, just get motivated!!

You will feel so much better about you and life when you are working and earning and living! I think he is right about this...

Felicia,
I'm jumping in here too! I totally agree with what darlin has said.
You need to turn your life around. You need to focus on yourself. You need to make money and move forward. It's really that simple.

You are saying that you speak to him "only talk to him twice a day on the phone and for only 10 minutes at a time, cuz ya. his mom is real controlling and lemme tell ya, shes kinda mean..,"

What have you been doing with yourself since May 08? This is Sept 09!
Hope you don't mind me asking but...What career are you prepared for? What is it that you do all day long?

In a nutshell, you need to become more responsible.
When you do, Felicia, you will feel better about yourself. He will treat you better. And his "controlling, mean" mom will see you in a different light too!
Auds xoxox

P.S. Felicia, here is an article from a reputable source:
Help, Please: It's when someone else's investment in you shoves aside your own.

The only rational, healthy, printable answer to his ultimatum is: "I want financial independence for myself. Getting it to please you won't make it happen any faster. You can either live with that, or you can't." Bonus points if you can also say: "I, meanwhile, can't live with someone who has lost faith in me, or who thinks it's OK to control me. Thanks for some good memories, and good luck with the rest of your life."

This person you love beyond description openly believes he's your superior, and that you aren't worth his time. He doesn't value you, and yet doesn't leave. What does that say about him?

You know he doesn't value you, and you don't leave, either. What does that say about you?

The only goal any of us needs is to value ourselves; everything else will follow. You need to set this goal now, and work toward it hard, for you and you alone.

The "everything" that follows includes not only becoming your best self, but also finding people who cherish the results -- not people who send you back with "Do better or else."

HOPE THIS HELPS YOU SORT THINGS OUT!

YES, YES, YES!!! Listen to us smart women here (ha ha) and you will blow yourself away! :)

We have to EARN respect.

I think men are meant to expect women to be independence and have their own life to live on.

I was very depend on my ex once for 10 years before marriage ended. he was tired of taking caring of me all the time. I was like a child to him. It was not good for him.

Now I am independence. I am glad I had to learn and grow up myself! I had to do to have a job, have license, and everything. I suggest you deserve it, not just for your boyfriend but yourself.

I am living in with my boyfriend and he appreciates what I do and there are so much more I need to learn.

take care of yourself!

wild...(long name), but cute too, :)

I've learned here that a man never wants to feel responsible for a woman's happiness. I also think I wouldn't want to have a heavy burden like that on me feeling that I have to find ways to keep him busy or happy...heck! That would be such work!! And the two of you wouldn't be on the same palying field. Got to have some type of life. It feels good too. Good for the morale, self esteem, and energy levels. :) Also, gives you so much more to talk about and relate with to each other over dinner!

hey boo this comment is for you xofeexo/ u need to let your man go for a min why becuse you cant talk to him when you want. and he dont love you for you. i am tell you like it is he want some other than u bec he can say all of the thing he say to u than he dont love u or like u. well i hope this help u

I am sorry but I have to question the use of his mother for excuses. I used to say that I was grounded so that I could go out with other people without my boyfriend. I would also have my mom lie for me, because she wanted me to have a normal life. How old is this dude for his mom to tell him that he can't use the phone. I would think there is someone else

Xofee, I have to agree with the other ladies here, that in some ways agree with the BF bc most men want a woman that can take care of herself, has some ambition and someone they can be proud to be with. Are you also using the gas and money as some sort of control over him, but that does not work, if you have to put out money in thoughts as a way to keep a guy, dont you see that ur setting yourself up to being used? He will always expect you to pay! And in the end, wont respect you and probably will be chasing after those girls that give him a challenge.
Its all about you, you got to get your life together, and right now, he is a detraction and you got to set yourself straight, and see where you are in life right now. Most of all dont live your life around a man. How many women have done that to find themselves, divorced many years later without a way to supporting themselves when all their other friends the same age have good careers and when the bill comes they know they wont be scratching for pennies to pay their share? Forget the guy. I know its hard, but you got to get your act together and stop centering on him. His mom may not be controlling, he may also be using this as an excuse to get off the phone.

I may be older but all I see is I havent seen any younger kids that didnt have cell phones..

Sweetie I didnt have the chance to read everyones comments, some a hrash, and some are nice, but sweetie, I am sure you are bright and great or would not have been with you for the past couple of years and he probably does truly care about you, yes with him he gave you an ultimatum which if you read Dating w/o drama dont do that, its basically saying its my way or the highway! Who wants to hear that, but! then again, A man wants the chase, if you are waiting hand and foot on him and are not working or pursueing your life he wont have that motivation to work harder in your relationship, what you need to do yes I know everyone else has said it is get a job and do it for you not for him! He has not put a ring on your finger yet and not said I do! You will be going through alot of changing here in the next few years, but getting a job, you will be independent making your own money and not always available to hang out when he wants you, it seems that he sees you when he wants and you wait at his beck and call he knows he can see you when he wants to! and when he doesnt want to you are sitting at home wondering why??? bored out of your mind! next thing you need to do is get your license and call your girl friends have a girls night atleast once a week! It will keep things fresh for you, give you a life and something to talk about when you see him! He will wonder what you did when you were out! do something you love, get a hobby that you enjoy, and try and do that once a week, it will be such a turn on for him when he sees that you are passionate about something and he has some competition for your time,.....if you try and make yourself the perfect girl for him the only thing he will do is run! show him that you have something to add to the relationship, which basically means not something in common with him, something he isnt and you are! You realize this about him so help him realise this about you sweetie! Im sure your great and you just need to show it and stop being something your not!

HI MY NAME IS SEXY 24. MAN COMES AND LEAVES OUT THEY WILL TREAT U LIKE SHHHH THAN LEAVE LIKE ITS UR FAULT WHEN A MAN DONT CALL U LIKE HE USED TO OR COME TO C U LIKE HE USED TO ITS TIME TO LET HIM GO HE GOT SOME ONE ELSE THATS THE TRUTH . I BEEN THERE AND DONE IT . FOR 6 yr IT WAS WAISTED . BUT ITS LIFE U HAVE TO LOVE U FIRST BEFORE U LOVE ANY ONE ELSE I HAD TO LEARN IT THE HARD WAY IT WAS HARD BUT I"M HAPPY NW THAN I WAS THAN .I USED TO LOVE THE GUY MORE THAN MY SELF WHEN I HAD OUR FIRST CHILD HE DISSAPERD WITH ANOTHER WOMAN HE SAYD IT WASNT HIS THAT ALL GOOD I TAKE CARE MY CHILD IT AMKES MEE BIGGER PERSON . KARMA CAME ON HIM U THINK HE LEARND NOOO HE DIDNT . I LEARND THAT PAST IS THE PAST FARGIVE AND MOVE ON WHY LOVE A PERSON THAT DONT LOVE U ? WHY RUN AFTER SOME ONE THAT DNT LOVE U? ITS HARD GO OUT FIND NW PEOPLE TO HANG OUT WHILE U SAD HIS HAPPPY HE MOVED ON WITH HIS MARRIED LIFE U SAD HIS HAPPY SO ITS BETTER TO LEAVE LIFE BECAUSE LIFE IS TO SHORT TO RUN AFTER PEOPLE LOVE UR SELF 1ST BEFORE U LOVE ANY ONE ELSE.