so......Funny,
Spill the beans!
I bet you did great!
I did surprisingly well, actually!
Thanks for sharing!

I'm actually a bit sick today but I scored 60% and I'm wondering if that's because I am sick. Usually I get more negative and depressed when sick but that's normal

I scored 95%! Although I will say this test is a bit too easy to work out isn't it?

Short test...I got a 95. :) A few years back it would have been much lower.

Thanks, funnyone, that was fun: I scored 100%. Well, it is not a very sensitive and/or specific test test I am afraid. I do have a rather healthy self-esteem, but I don't think I have reached the ceiling ;). Still have my moments like everyone else

If you are interested in more scientific tests and see how you compare with other people in your age group, professional group, gender, location etc on all sorts of aspects of happiness and emotional health etc, try:

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/default.aspx

Funnyone, I hope you will be better soon.

Well mine came out to be 53%...and I thought it would be 10%!!! I have very low self esteem, that I am working on but its hard to change your way of thinking from negative to positive after many years of feeding yourself doubt!

itspossible, you are right on the track of raising your self-esteem! After I broke up with my last boyfriend, my self-esteem score would have probably come out -10 :). With a lot of work, reflection, reading good books and counselling, I am back where I was before we met. It is scary how a bad relationship can dramatically lower your self-esteem. I think this is one of the main reasons to avoid unhealthy relationships, they can be downright dangerous.

oh yes a bad rel can lower your self esteem! its heart wrenching the way some of us women allow a man to tear us down!

I don't know I think there is a reason why some women stay in these bad relationships. I don't think Wise, that it's fair to blame the relationship. A part of someone who gets into these situations probably doesn't want to be in a happy loving relationship and maybe the self esteem they thought they had was based on an image of a false self.

frankly if you had healthy self esteem, I think you just wouldn't tolerate being around someone who isn't supportive.

You are absolutely right, funnyone, I got to this relationship right after I had decided to break up with my very long-term partner and I was feeling incredibly guilty for doing it. For the first time in my life I did not like myself. Like Paige says when you are feeling down you attract toxic people into your life. If I had been my normal self I would have walked after the first episode of verbal abuse, but because I was in such a bad place, I put up with it because on some level I believed the things he said about me. I believed I was a bad person, so him telling me how difficult and horrible and selfish and in general an impossible bitch I was went with what I believed about myself at that stage of my life. He was just reinforcing what I believed about myself anyway back then.

However, I take a lot of responsibility for what happened. I broke up with him and worked really hard to start liking myself again.

Ladies,

Thanks f/ this thread. It reinforces my commitment to take the time I need to do some serious soul searching and reconnect with myself before I even think about dating again.

You are so full of love and light! I'm grateful f/your openness and honesty ;}

When I was at my lowest, I found reading Nathaniel Branden's 'The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem' really useful. It is not a self-help book and not your average patronising easy read. Branden is one of the first and best known theorists behind the concept of self-esteem. People use this term very flippantly and I wanted to know what it REALLY meant. I found this book helpful and very inspirational.

I will check out that. I have been pondering myself what it means to have self esteem and self love.

itspossible....BUT...it's possible!! ;)

RIGHT..O.L.D.!

I scored 68 which is not surprizing. If I had taken this about a year ago, it would have been much lower. If I had taken it 10 years ago I would have been crawling on the bottom. It has been quite a journey.

I Just took this test and scored 60%, which was higher than I thought. A couple of months ago (after ex fwb dumped me for someone else) it would have been 0%! So im on my way. Trying really hard to turn 37 years of negative thoughts and low self esteem around!

I always hear that one has to take responsibility for their own feelings and stop blaming outside influences for the condition one is in. Easier said than done sometimes.

I tend to attract highly critical cold and judgemental people into my life. Without going into massive analysis on that, I figure I am still trying to please a cold, critical and demanding parent who taught me that anything less than perfection is unacceptable. I learned how to loathe myself at an early age and have only recently started to unlearn it.

I have found that acheivement boosts self-confidence so I try to keep myself productive, but I am not young, and have been struggling with my weight all my life.

I look exactly like my mother too. Seriously, I discovered one day as I looked in the mirror in the morning, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, I would see "her" face. Then the negative tape flipped on in my head and would run all day, and I wouldn't know why. I was unable to stop till I realize that was her talking. I learned then that I can choose to shut the d@#$n negative self talk off because it wasn't me. Does that make sense?

thetababe

I completely know exactly where you are coming from with the parent thing. It makes complete sense. I have a book called There is nothing wrong with you, and it is helping. I think we all find that as we become older we hear ourselves telling ourselves the negative things our parents, siblings, kids at school etc said to us.

You are you and not your mother. I dont know you but I am sure you are a wonderful women.

Oh and thetababe you scored 68%, I scored 60% so well done. You are doing amazing. Give yourself lots of love, you deserve it.

Thanks NNN, it has been a jouney, and this board is a huge help. Just sharing experiences with other women is a great self esteem booster. Not that I am any smarter than anybody else, but we all have different POV's. It feels very good to be able to help someone who may be struggling with something I have already dealt with.

The combined life experience and wisdom is a great thing to tap into.

I would love to hear how other Goddesses have overcome the negative self-talk thing

The truth is that self-love has to be unconditional. It has nothing to do with 'I would be perfect if I was younger, thinner, richer, smarter, prettier, funnier, more popular, more successful etc.'

Don't put any conditions on your road to self love. Love yourself just the way you are!!! Most importantly, like yourself!

Create pleasant experiences, however small. Practice gratitude!

thetababe, you wrote:
I tend to attract highly critical cold and judgemental people into my life. Without going into massive analysis on that, I figure I am still trying to please a cold, critical and demanding parent who taught me that anything less than perfection is unacceptable. I learned how to loathe myself at an early age and have only recently started to unlearn it.
--------
:)
I never attracted them but I had to deal with them.
You don't have to please that person but you do need to respect your parent because she is just that.
Just because she taught you that does not mean she did not perpetuate what she has learned.

All you need to learn is that you are a unique individual and are entitled to be, do and create a life where you are entitled to be happy.

I am surprised that when you went to college that you didn't take any philosophy course. I'm surprised that during those college days you were not becoming more aware. Hmmm!

wise discussed unconditional self-love. The fact is, that ALL LOVE, true love, IS UNCONDITIONAL.

You want to know how other Goddesses overcame the negative self-talk. I didn't have to. But what I did have to do was just as difficult.
The way I dealt with LOADS of misconceptions, misinterpretations, misinformation, losing friends or some "losing" me (they said they couldn't be friends with me anymore), and being disrespectful by hanging up on me... was this:
1. I faced my fears.
Last New Year's, I made a consious decision to change my attitude towards everything. I was angry, crying, lonely. I started watching love stories and comedies and found myself laughing out loud.
2. I heard about "The Secret". So, when a friend called one day, I told her that I found a secret to being happy again. She asked what it was. i told her that I can't tell her because.. it's A SECRET.

That's how it started...
Auds
xoxox
xoxox

Of course, Auds, I agree that true love is unconditional. But realistically, it is easier to love the whole mankind unconditionally than sometimes put up with your partner chewing their dinner :).

You can never even dream of loving anyone you actually share your life with unconditionally unless you love yourself unconditionally.

Just read an article "The Art of perfect Timing" by Martha Beck.
This may help as well.

And, there ya go back to, liking yourself first, as you said wise:)

My story, as I've mentioned several times before is on:
creatingthelife.com

I love my friends but sometimes I don't like them very much...
Auds
xoxox