Relationship "FALLOUT" Continues
Thu Oct 29 2009 - 10:33 am
I did a very difficult thing this morning...
As you may know (or not), a few months ago, I was accepted into nursing school with no show's words that he supported my decision and he is committed to me. This required me to move into the house my mother and I own in order to take on the financial burden.
The talk was that no show would, in 6 months or so, move into my house, sell or rent his, and my mother would move out leaving the house to us.
Then poof! no show decided to leave my life just a few weeks after my move. He really could not handle it. Moving in w/mom, changing our lives, putting things off. Making the relationship stagnant, as he put it.
An opportunity to interview for an excellent paying job presented itself last week. Back to a company I had been with for more than 9 years (was layed off).
I told the recruiter that after all the job instability the last several years, I had finally decided to go to school and have sacrificed so much to do so.
During the past week, I thought about how unhappy I am to have moved out of my own place, how broke I am, the mounting debt due to schooling, using my retirements to get through, student loan debt...all even worse since no show pulled his support from under me.
School, which was such a positive, happy move, and a decision that was to benefit both of us for the planned future, had become negative for so many reasons......and I have been burdened with the thought that I had made a bad decision.
I feel like the decision to do what I did just sent things in a negative spiral...that no show saw our relationship as stagnant and going backwards while I tended to my "stuff".
I made the call to the recruiter this morning and have a job interview next Tuesday after school. Back to my old career, in a cubicle, but making good income again. So if I am hired I guess I will just DROP, all the years I have been putting into preparing to getting my bachelors in nursing.
It's either/or...part time cannot be worked out either way.
If I get my career back, it pays quite a bit more than nursing.
This just sucks. no show has sure caused a lot of angst, confusion, heartbreak...in so many ways.
I do not even know what I want, or what the right thing to do is.
Thu Oct 29 2009 - 12:30 pm
Sophiek,
What a great topic really. I am not one to direct you one way or the other as far as school or a career but I do see this as a door opened. If you choose to step through it other doors are bound to open as well. You will meet new people, the universe is reaching out to you and your path will change. Embrace it and if you choose this, see it as a new beginning to your new life. Don't worry about no show and his role, this is about you.
Not sure if you know my story and how something very similar happened to me but since you brought this up I will share because the story amazes me completely.
I had been seperated for 2 years, was emotionally involved with an unavailable man, falling fast and hard. Knew it was wrong so I went on a dating site because I had to protect my heart. Well I dated a few men and then pop, out of the blue there is dick sending me a wink. He was everything I thought I wanted in a man, treated me well, funny, responsible, it was great. I did not want to blow it so needless to say I read every book imaginable to learn how men think and how not to fall back into my old ways. Bob Grant, Mimi Tanner, Paige, and on and on. It did help me of this I am sure and I did learn so much.
So prior to our demise, my job was getting rocky, layoffs etc..., so one day I googled about work at home opportunities, joined a work at home forum and started reading and learning. I found out I could be an affiliate for all of these books, how cool is that. It happened, I got laid off. I had already started up my business and found this forum. In the beginning I had no clue what was about to happen to me.
Then 1 month out of a job and only one month into my new business dick drops the bomb and dumps me. Wow! In the meantime doors are opening all around me. I am talking on the phone and online with so many people including some of the authors of these books. Doors are opening everywhere, but I am heartbroken. I turn to this forum and meet so many wonderful women, you included. I ended up in Atlantic City with 4 of them. I have made so many friendships and have made a difference in the lives of so many women (and a few men) from my inbox. I get thank you emails, support emails, so rewarding.
So the moral of this story is, had dick never entered my life I would never have read those books, I would never be on the path that I am on now and I would never have met all of you fabulous women. He was not sent into my life to love me, he was sent as a stepping stone to bring me to where I am, here, now and in hindsight I am so grateful because I am happy again.
When a door opens see it as a new beginning, a year or even a few months from now it will all make perfect sense. xoxo, good luck!
Thu Oct 29 2009 - 01:04 pm
NC...thank you so much f/ that last post..it's exactly what I too needed to here...I was over reading some of the things that you crave/miss that a relationship provides and I was about to go into a tailspin f/ it because reading it started picking off the newly formed proverbial scab that I have on my heart. When I jumped over here and read your post, it gave me a goosebumps...thanks again...I'm very fragile right now, but I know that's only because I'm in the forging fire; the one that hardens the metal of my heart...or another way of looking at it, is I'm at the point where the old blooms have dropped off the stalk to allow f/ the new ones to appear.
Thu Oct 29 2009 - 01:19 pm
Thanks Robin,
I hate thinking of leaving school. I love it. It hurts deep down to make a change from something I finally was going to attain after years of pre-requisite courses in preparation.
I knew it would be tough times, but it was going to be okay with no show on my team.
Now I just have the tough times. At what cost? It's hard to explain.
I kind of wish that job offer was never made. I would just carry on with school like I planned, though I was concerned about exhausting years of retirement savings at my age(bad move really).
I miss having money, my own place(living with my mother is such a negative factor when dating). Now I am starting over.
no show is not present to help me like I thought he would, or spoil me with the extras to compensate for money I no longer earned.
I miss having money to go shopping, having nice manicures (natural nails only in nursing)
And going on trips....thus missing AC due to no money. I am not sure the sacrifices for school outweigh the benefits of going back to work anymore. Not that I have the job yet, I am a very good candidate for it though.
So, I feel like I sacrificed a relationship, for no reason, only to end up back to square one.
I guess no show failed the test of faithfulness to the relationship and maybe that was the point.
Thu Oct 29 2009 - 02:19 pm
the healing and learning process is taking it's place. I’ve been single for a year and half now. Didn’t date, wasn't interested at all, and all because I was too long holding onto something that didn't work and which had left me with no desire whatsoever to want a relationship. Now I’m doing well, building on the existing foundation, yet had to smash down some walls and put bigger windows, so I could see that there are beautiful views out there. Good people with open hearts and with ability to love and desire to be loved. It took me sometime, but it was worth it, some introspection had to be done, to see clearly that I'm such a prize...:)"
Thu Oct 29 2009 - 06:07 pm
Hi Sophie
Could you not continue your nursing course, even if you have to stay with your mother? Reason I ask is I went to uni as s single parent of 3 when aged 27 and finished at 30. It was hard and involved moving away from family and friends but I now have a great career I love. You can still achieve your dreams without him by your side and Im sure your mum would support you.
Even if you decide to take the job if it's offered, try and see it as a positive step. Its hard when the future looks uncertain and scary and change is a certainty whether we want it or not but you will come through for sure. Take care of yourself and nurture yourself along... figure out what you would like to achieve and see if you can make it happen..Im sure there is a way...
Wishing you all the best and hope it works out!
Thu Oct 29 2009 - 06:48 pm
Hopeful,
Thank you...it's very hard indeed. Even if I need to take a year off and get finances straight, maybe I can go back. Debt is a monster.
No doubt both decisions are good. How do you choose? No matter what I decide for the moment, I change my mind the next.
Unless I screw up the interview big time, I should have the job. good money, pay debt, decide my next move.
I will try to use this as a financial advantage to put me in a better position to finish school. Who knows, maybe I can find a nursing program somewhere that has evening courses and Saturday labs. I have looked but have not found one yet though.
Sat Oct 31 2009 - 02:18 am
Sophie,
Wow, what a difficult, tough choice.
I love what Robin wrote to you. Beautiful story! She is so right. No show might not have been here to love you, but to set you on a path that you needed to take.
Perhaps nursing is what you needed to pursue... without him. Perhaps you need to go on this interview to find out once and for all if you really are missing something. Perhaps you'll go on the interview and get there and realize it's not what you want anymore.
Or maybe you'll get there and your heart will sing and tell you this is home. You're finally where you are meant to be working.
Only you will know that when you get there for the interview. And your interview will reflect how you feel in your heart.
You'll see.
Don't stress about it now. Let God take over and direct your path on this. Pray about it and let Him guide you. Just get there, be your best and let Him do the rest.
If they offer you the job, then you can weigh the options, pros and cons.
First see how you feel when you're there.
And remember, the fact that no show bolted when things got tough is a sign. When a man can't stand the heat and he gets out, that says a lot. Character is a huge factor, isn't it?
XOXO,
Annalisa
Sat Oct 31 2009 - 04:39 am
Sophie, I just read about your dilemma and the replies from the ladies. I can't say any more than what's already been said except that I too am here to support you.
I would definitely speak with a counselor at the school and see what your options are before dropping the nursing completely. I had attended many schools and they accept transfer credits from other schools but you have to do your HW:) There are two-year nursing programs as well, you know. That goodness for the internet:)
You need to let work know that your are "committed for a time", if you decide to go back to your prev employer. In other words, make your deals upfront. It's a tough decision but it does work out.
As far as no show, it never ceases to amaze me that men are so callous when it comes to following through on a commitment. They just leave and forget that their promise to us is what we count on and believe in when making these life-altering decisions.
I wish you all the best in making the right decisions:)
Auds
xoxox
Sat Oct 31 2009 - 06:28 am
I hate thinking of leaving school. I love it.
Out of everything you expressed above, This was the one statement in which you stated something you "love"! You're going through a transformation of sorts right now...Go for it. The corporate job might give you a little more financial stability for the moment, but it won't fullfill you in the long run! If you can swing it and maintain basic food/clothing/shelter while you go to school...don't hesitate, the universe will provide!
You didn't "sacrifice" a relationship...this situation was a good test for Mr. Way to Not Be There's unwillingness to support you...that's a biggie on the "He's the One" test....I know it hurts now, but eventually you'll realize it's a good riddance, not a loss...an opportunity f/ new adventure!
Best of luck. Keep sharing...Take this opportunity to date your wonderful,beautiful, dynamic self!
Mon Nov 02 2009 - 01:01 am
Annalisa,
I started this path years before no show was in my life. Before I even knew he existed. I told no show all along, I have to know that I can take care of myself with a stable career. I was tired of being layed off.
I have lost sight of my intended path. Cardiac has also reminded me to pray for His guidance.
The unexpected turn in our relationship has had me question what value my decisions have had. Was my motivations for a career change worth all this chaos?
It is difficult leaving the comfort zone of my old career and income.
Auds,
I have tried to get with the dean. I needed answers last week and she is out of town until this Wednesday. If I will be damaged academically by dropping classes or taking a leave, the decision may be made for me. It is a challenge to be accepted in this program. Very competitive. I value my grades.
I am in a two year acclerated bachelor program. It is soooo hard to keep up with homework with all this indecisive garbage junking up my brain.
Yes, Auds...no show forgot he made a promise. Must've slipped his mind completely.
Smerk,
I love school, too.
You are right, no show did not pass the test. I have thought about that myself. Mr. "way to not be there"....love it!
Nursing negatives: I REALLY hate the fact that I cannot get fancy manicures anymore. I hope I can get past this issue.
ICKY sickie stuff (ewwww)
I'll be broke for 2 years and use up my savings to get by. I am used to having plenty of spending money.
Nursing positives: Stable career. Flexibility. No more layoffs. No more desk cubicles, the entire hospital can be my office. Variety vs. boredom. The joy of caring.
My friends have voted for me to "suck it up" and finish school.
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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