Please bring me back to Earth :)
Wed Mar 24 2010 - 05:50 pm
Hi gals,
How goes DWD life? I've been traveling for work lately but following in the background, and as usual, need your golden advice.
I met a guy at a conference a few weeks ago... he is very attractive and a HUGE flirt. When we met, he came on pretty strong - was persistant and very attentive but kept things light. He continues to keep in touch via skype every day. He is not overly cheesy, but instead very smooth and my guard is up as a result. He wants to come to London to meet me in the next month or two. I have no idea what he's after, but of course guessing it's a one-night or one-weekend stand. I am definitely not interested in anything of the sort; however, he is VERY attractive, and I would like to get to know him better. Could you please tell me there is no chance this could ever work and that I should stop wasting time? To complicate matters further, he's Jewish (secular) and I'm not.
Thanks,
jeu
Wed Mar 24 2010 - 05:56 pm
Jeu-
Do you like him?
Do you want to date him?
If yes, go for it. Tell him what the ground rules are, if that will make you feel comfortable, and let him come see you.
If no, then case closed!
If you like him and he likes you, there's no reason it couldn't work.
Kat
Wed Mar 24 2010 - 08:08 pm
I have had guys coming to my town like that, even from another country and it didnt work, it depends on the guy and what he is after...and you can never know...he may say something to you to believe him... just to get what he wants...its a gamble...
Fri Mar 26 2010 - 05:03 am
If you like him then go for it, you clearly made an impression on him and him you...I don't think he would keep in contact otherwise. If he's that attractive he could get the physical any place I would imagine?
Just lay down guidlines so he knows where you stand then it's up to him.
Fri Mar 26 2010 - 08:37 am
Hi Jeu
When I was dating, I eventually adopted a go-for-it-and-don't-worry-about-the-outcome approach and found this to work very well.
Or put it another way: assuming you already have a full, busy and happy life (which I get the impression you do), dating is just one small part of it, just one of many enjoyable 'activities' you do in your spare. If you like this guy, you're enjoying communicating with him, why not just continue to go do so, go with the flow and not worry about whether it 'works out' or not?
If he comes to London, that does not necessarily mean you have to sleep with him and/or getting any more emotionally involved. Set clear boundaries from the onset, e.g., that he stays in a hotel/with friend or whatever and not with you. If you go out of an evening, by all means have a few drinks, enjoy, but decline any offers to go back to wherever he's staying 'for coffee' ;-).
I think we ladies have a tendency to spend so much time worrying from the onset about whether something might 'go anywhere', we forget to enjoy the here and now. If you like a guy, go on a couple of nice dates with him but it fizzles out and comes to nothing, you haven't actually lost anything, you've just killed a few potentially boring evenings of sitting in front of the tv by spending them with a nice guy. Or, you might even have found a new friend.
So I say - go for it. Perhaps in a few months' time you might need to be thinking about 'where is this going?' or whatever, but unless/until that happens, don't analyse, just keep it light and enjoy!
Fri Mar 26 2010 - 02:42 pm
Jeu, I second Cucumber and Missy's advice. If you look at it as just "making a new, cool friend" you will be a lot more relaxed and if you do meet him in person, act the same way on the date--as a fun evening out with a friend...it takes away the pressure from you and him to "connect" at some deep level.
That comes naturally when you are being your normal, natural, fun self.
Fri Mar 26 2010 - 05:28 pm
bump
Fri Mar 26 2010 - 11:44 pm
Bump
Sat Mar 27 2010 - 05:26 am
Kat, Mima, Cuke, Mizzy and Misty, *thank you* for being so supportive and positive. I was hoping to forget the whole thing, but you're right, I am overanalyzing at this point. We'll see if it goes anywhere... our last conversation ended with him saying he'll find a date that works for both of us (we live in different countries and both travel quite a bit for work). He asked me to send him the visit "agenda" so I'll have an opportunity to set boundaries that way, although I'd like to find a way to avoid being the one doing all the planning...
Sat Mar 27 2010 - 05:44 am
Jeu
good luck enjoy- sounds promising ;o)
Sat Mar 27 2010 - 04:42 pm
Why would you assume he is only after one thing....maybe he really likes you? :) His being secular Jewish shouldn't be a problem unless his family are really observant and he's under any kind of pressure to marry a 'nice Jewish girl'. But if not, set your boundaries right at the beginning....go on a date with him, don't invite him home and after not too long, you'll probably get an idea of what he really wants. When you're 'countries apart', are we talking transatlantic here or European? If it's European then your chances of being able to see each other fairly often are much better....loads of cheap flights around...and with work travel, you probably get air miles too?
One date can't hurt...as long as he knows upfront from the beginning that this isn't going to be a 'dirty weekend'.
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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