Now that I am starting to freak out--cuz he is still online how do I stay cool?
Sat Apr 17 2010 - 02:17 pm
Ok I have been dating/seeing this man now since Jan-we met online last November. We have be out together every other weekend for the last 3 months. I go to his house for dinner and then we go to a show or whatever. He has stated he would like me to included my little on in my dating life so we can see each other more--he mentioned this a couple times to me. I have just invited him to dinner at my house for the first time for next weekend--no kids. However I have met his daughter she is older.
NO talk of commitment I am assuming it is too soon. But I thhink I am confused with the dates and dinners and the fact that I still see him on the website. I am guessing that means I am free to date too?
I really like this guy, but feel weird about seeing others, and I guess one would say it is still pretty new right, I mean realtionships go on for years sometimes before people realize they are in the wrong relationship--I guess I would really like to wait until I knew he was off the dating website before he met my daughter.
I just wanted to put this out there? He talks about plans in the summer and fall?? I am thinking he is excited with the dating and having met me he will say anything??? So I am taking it all with a grain of salt, I am delighted to hear it mind you people do say things that later they realize they shouldn't have said becuase they are caught up in the moment.
My question, is this process normal to dating and should I feel guilty if I go to dinner with someone else?
Correct me if I am wrong but I have a feeling that a man will tell you if he wants commitment....see the confusion for me is the meeting children and no commitment.
Sat Apr 17 2010 - 02:37 pm
As for the dating site thing, I don't think that means anything since you are clearly on the dating site as well b/c otherwise, how would you know that HE is on the site, right?
As for your having met his kids, how did that even come up? When it came up, what did you say? I'm asking this because, although I have not dated a lot of men with children, there was one time when this one guy wanted me to meet his daughter. We had not been dating for long at all and so I told him that I was not comfortable meeting his daughter unless I knew that we were in some type of committed relationship with long-term potential b/c otherwise that would just be to weird for his daughter.
Mon May 17 2010 - 07:24 am
Hi Fab,
Everything is so obscure nowadays, years ago we had a more definite answer to questions like yours and the answer would have been yes, you are exclusive which you would have known before meeting the family, since things are different it is truly hard to make that judgement call now.
I would suggest until you've had the talk initiated by him, you are still dating. That means you are free to date too.
Sat Apr 17 2010 - 09:44 pm
Fab...I too am dating a guy with 2 sons and I have 1 daughter and I WILL NOT INTRODUCE MY DAUGHTER TO HIM until its almost time for us to be engaged! In my opinion, when you involve kids...you shouldn't with every tom,dick and harry, b/c it gets too confusing for children! I am not saying that even being engaged is a 100% proof...but its closer than just dating. I would hold off on the kids issue until a lot later in the dating game..1. both are off the dating site 2. he has asked you to be exclusive 3. he really is looking for long term with you 4. he brings up more than once of meeting the kids
Sat Apr 17 2010 - 10:36 pm
Hi guys,
Yea, it is tricky--I dont consider myself on the site per se as I say I hid myself--silly me I was feeling guilty silly me lol
And I am confused as he mentions my birthday plans, plans in September I do not get it but he is a very nice person and think he is telling me what I want to hear....while it is nice on the ears in my mind I think how do you know that now?
If he wanted exclusive I would do it--but obviously I am not going to say-what did you mean by that are we exclusive? I just dont know if I am supposed to read the writing on the wall that we are exclusive or if he is just excited because we are new OR if I will do till someone else comes a long (so many ways to look at it). I mean we have had amazing dates and I also feel guilty about the $$ he is spending, and he is picking up guides for things so we have them on hand for the summer etc?? I guess I can chalk it up to he is very keen???? He calls 3-5 times per week long distance, we are getting together tomorrow which we have not been able to do (my schedule) see each other every week. He said to me once that biweekly is not enough.
He has mentioned it a couple times to have children integrated into dating life, I did meet his. That was his choice. This is the second person I dated who does not see it as an issue and I know other couples doing it--and when they have problems you hear about how the children got a long so well. I do think age of children is a factor and mine is a lot younger than his as well.
Sun May 09 2010 - 08:28 pm
Hello Everyone,
Anyway you can see how I met this man, back in Nov on the internet. We started dating in Jan, he used to ask me to see him during the week, I thought that was too much at the beginning, we were just getting to know each other. So we saw each other bi-weekly, in April more frequently as we got together on the off weeks to run for a couple hours on the off weekends. NOW I want more, I want to see him during the week now and he is still on the website and I am not.....I am hiding and have turned dates down.
No I was starting to feel like he was not even attracted to me as he did not make a move on me till last night I guess it has been 10 dates and I had him to my house for dinner. After we watched a movie and had some innocent fun, it did not get to far--more a smooch session that lasted a few hours. In any event I have been asking this guy if he wanted to go running with me as I have a sitter 2x per week he does not seem to want to do that but keeps asking me out on the weekends one night per week.
He calls 3x per week long distance, not sure why when he is still on the internet!!!!
What do I say, should he not know after 4 months? I heard guys know in a bout 3 dates if the girl is not for them?
I dont want to be the for now girl--how do I bring this up--I think drifting away is not the answer but I do know there is a dignified logical way to say what I am feeling I have not come up with it yet I am upset. I wonder if I am feeling vulnerable and it is bothering me? Maybe the logical thing would be instead of me acting like a baby just say , hey I enjoy the time we spend together I would not mind seeing you through the week? But then I am asking him out--no?
I am panincking becuase I am starting to like him and I feel like he is not that into me--do I just walk away do I say something, like I need this, this and this in a relationship and therefore I am done, best of luck to you, you were a treat...
Anyone I talk to and in my past experience it has been shown that in four months you should know if you want to be exclusive no????
How do I play my cards in a strong, manner. I am supposed to meet him for lunch at the end of the week, I dont want to wast my time anymore with someone if they do not have an inkling they want me, I would rather be on my own.
I dont get it he talks about me at work apparently do you do that when you dont think a lot of someone? ARGH
Sun May 09 2010 - 09:35 pm
It does indeed sound like he's more than keen on you - why are you questioning that Fab? His level of contact is strong, and it's getting stronger. He's including you in his plans, he's mentioning activities he wants you both to share in the near future, he's talking about you to others (workmates and also children), he's asking to see you more...
I'm wondering if your concern here is something to do with your expectation that as sex looks likely, he should be initiating the exclusivity talk about now? (I hope I have that correct - that you're both yet to cross that bridge?)
If so, just relax. Usually, things happen quite rapidly after the first "smooch session" as you call it. Just keep responding as you have been doing, wait until he initiates sex, and if he doesn't raise the topic himself (which of course is always preferable), you'll have your opportunity then to say what it is you're wanting and what will work for you if you're to feel comfortable about sleeping with him - which by your own account is exclusivity.
BTW, I see nothing wrong in you saying to him that you enjoy his company, and you wouldn't mind seeing more of him during the week.
With regard to your feeling a bit funny about him still being on the dating site, well even though I think he's entitled (just as you are) to still be on there, and possibly dating, I can understand how you would be uncomfortable about possibly sleeping together when he's still on a dating site.
I do believe it's appropriate - as part of the chat you both have just prior to having sex, you speak to this yourself. You might frame your words in terms of wanting to feel secure before you take the important step of sleeping with anyone, rather than issue some sort of ultimatum. You might choose to frame it as a question. Don't forget to ask him how he feels about it.
Sounds like it's all going well for you! Great stuff!
Sun May 09 2010 - 09:49 pm
Thanks Trace,
you really are wise. I think I do not like the vulnerability I am feeling...and yes the sex stuff I wondered why it wasn't getting closer and now I am wondering if it is coming closer why is he on the net. Is it insecurity or just plain crazeee?
He is something else, very self assured and he seems to get a kick out my reserved nature, which is a direct opposite to him.
I guess I feel vulnerable and do not like it.
Thank you.
Sun May 09 2010 - 09:51 pm
I am thinking I should just embrace the vulnerability knowing it could go ultimately either way??
Trace, you are brilliant though I feel better.
Mon May 10 2010 - 04:59 am
Hey you're welcome Fab! Yes, embrace the vulnerability...however I really think you're onto a winner here. A man who puts in this level of effort and a man who respects you enough to wait all this time sounds like a keeper to me!
Thu May 13 2010 - 09:37 pm
ok one more question, I have people saying to me I am too avaialble for him, he asks me out I am available and I go. I do not understand so they are telling me that if he is on the website I could just be a "for now" girl?? ANy thoughts? It would seem any time he has free time he spends some of it with me? I just put myself on the websites (so I can be seen) as I am afraid to get too attached yet, even though I really like him. That sounds ridiculous I am doing something in fear of a negative outcome. You know I do not know if I know what dating is about anymore?
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
Replies