I am sure there are plenty of exceptions, but I would exercise caution if a man says any of the below:

I am not capable of loving anyone
I never fall in love
When I am in a relationship, it affects my work negatively (particularly if he really likes his job)
I am not a very nice person
I am ego-centric

Having a relationship with a man who is emotionally unavailable, emotionally constipated or emotionally repressed man is not much fun and if it is possible to avoid it, I will.

It means you should take him at his word. No more, no less. Rather than take time and energy finding out exactly why he isn't capable of loving anyone, it would be best to leave this one alone and choose another.

Everyone is entitled to love. Give what you can. Even if it is loving them from afar:)

...what wise and Trace said.

There are men out there who *are* capable of loving. Life's far too short and you're time's far too precious to waste time on those who are not.

Thanks for all your response, this is a guy that i already had a relationship with, and in the past told me he loved me many times, he is also a musician. As you know they are on another planet, although i have business in the world of music as well. We were together, I broke up, back together again, i broke up again, and he had a realtionship with another woman, after two years he broke up with her, kinda wanted to come back to me, but i did not ask him to come back, and now when i ask him about his feelings, he says he is not capable of loving anyone.

The definition of madness is continuing to do the same thing, time and time again, and expecting a different result.

You know this dance well. Please don't put yourself through more pain, and try - as hard as you can, to let this one go.

More men are waiting for you to give you every ounce of love and stability you so deserve. You just have to choose it that's all.

Thank you so much Trace for your reply, are you a man or a woman? just curious. I guess my problem is, that I want the thing that I cannot have, and it is driving me crazy! He is also 13 years younger than me, but that has never seemed to be an issue with us, we are both attractive people, and he is a very very talented musician, hense, i am also attracted to the image. I am also attracted to passion, since i am a passionate person myself, he is a latino, I am not. Your comments are correct in your outlook, you might say, that this is an addiction of some sort, but, in the last month, since we last talked, he has not called, and I refuse to call him, so looks like stalemate, or checkmate, as they say in chess, who will have the next move? not me, so it may be another five months before we run into each other again. my problem is that I do not have the desire to start something new with someone else, only friends, have not met anyone in the last 2 years, that I would consider being with.

Carlisle, I'm a woman (yep, just checked again, and I definitely am!) What are you doing about meeting other men? If you can do some work on your scarcity mentality, I think that would be a really good idea.

Just my 2 cents worth--

I remember a phrase from Oprah

"When someone tells you who they are--believe them--the FIRST time.."

When a man says any of the phrases in Wise's post the man is doing you the courtesy of telling you who he is. Believe him.

Thanks again for your responses. Actually what he really said to me was, I do not have the capacity to love anyone, not, I am not capable. And yes Trace, I am out there, meeting people all the time, but have to straighten out other parts of my life, problems etc, before, I feel like I can start a new relationship with someone. Rather be with friends, and guys I feel comfortable with, then start something new right now.

What are your comments about people attracted to artistic amd creative people, meaning, artists, musicians, dancers, and the like, meaning. in general, these types of people tend to be more passionate about life, and love.

I can certainly see the attraction of artists, musicians and dancers et al. And yes, I agree with you they tend to be expressive, passionate types. My own personal experience of that type though is yes, very passionate (tick tick) but not at all practical. I need someone who has a good balance between right brain and left brain, not one side dominating the other.

Hey Trace, I like you, you are so practical, are you a taurus, or cancer? Yes, I do agree, that it is essentially better, but somehow if you can find a balance, with both creative sides balancing the other, if possible, I am aquarius with cancer moon, and aquarius rising, if you are into that. I am creative, but also have a sense of organization. Business types, can be lacking in passion, and creativity-

Hi C
I am a Pisces which means I am right in the thick with creative types. I am an actress wannabe, chasing the dream.

Artists--I love'em but they are self absorbed flakes. A lot of them anyway. Not me of course--oh heck its all about ME--just kidding.

See, we can't help but perform.

Not that artistes don't make great partners, for reasons Trace mentioned. They just need to be grounded in reality at least half the time. A lot of times they have huge extremely fragile egos that require a lot of energy to feed. If professional, they work long hours and don't even realize it. If they are passionate about their art they will go on and on like the Energizer Bunny and you may wonder where you stand in all of this. It is hard to get into their headspace sometimes because, depending on their gift, they are true visionaries. It is hard for them to deal with such mundane matters as paying the rent. Money is sometimes a dirty word to them.

If you are lucky you have an artist with a business sense that realizes early in their career that they are a free lance PROFESSIONAL. They will then learn how to run their careers like a business. If not, you may have to handle the money. Please.

Players are common. Artists love attention. They need to be adored. They have to have an audience.

Given a choice I would rather be with another artist than not. It takes an artist sometimes to truly understand another artist. I have been with men who were not creative and they really did not get me at all.

I believe dating a musician is a rite of passage for women. When men realize the power of music they grab a guitar and find themselves a garage band in the hopes of raking in the chicks.

If you love one you are in for an exciting, if sometimes bumpy ride. One thing is for certain. You won't be bored

Gee, you're onto it Carlisle! Just in answer to your query I'm a Taurus. Practical and grounded but with Venus ruling - I respond therefore to both grounded reality as well as passion. Both are equally important, and so asking to choose between the two would be like having to choose between my two children!

I knew it you're a Taurus!! Thanks thetababe! And the guy i was talking about is a musician, knew him 14 years ago, then saw him again after 14 years, and yes it was and still is, though i think its over, a very very bumpy bumpy ride, book and definitely song material. I sing, dance, for fun, and sometimes, professionaly, and rep musicians! and don't live in the states.....Had a feeling about you Trace, yep guessed it a Taurus... you definitely give very grounded advice...

Probably why, Carlisle, I'm suited to my profession (I'm an HR Consultant). But I also dance as well and I love that. Dancing, for me, balances my personality where I have to be professional and serious at work. Dancing brings out the spontaneous, sometimes silly side of me that exists within.

Where do you live?

Trace, I live in Mexico, in a very beautiful place, I dance Flamenco, and promote a very famous Flamenco group from spain, amongst others, I sing jazz and blues, and some flamenco. I started dancing very late in life, it is a passion of mine, and i do it for the joy of it, for myself, and to forget everything, it is a form of therapy for me. where do you live?

Carlisle,

Do you have anything on youtube or on the web showing your dance? Theta has a thread if you wish to post it.....

I absolutely ADORE flamenco and have always wanted to take lessons.

I currently perform occasionally w/ a Middle Eastern troupe. There are some similarities, my teacher has also done flamenco, but doesn't teach that. I agree, the joy, the therapy, the self esteem generated are wonderful. I also started after I was 40, although I had ballet lessons as a child.

SZ

Oooh yes, do share! I'd love to see that! And you too SZ!

I'm a Kiwi - (that's New Zealand for those who need a translation)

Don't have anything posted, but I do have a pic.

See Theta's thread, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" Under DWD-friend catching up section.

You guys, I have a thread on DWD Friends catching up called I'll show you mine if you show me yours...

I set that up so talented goddesses can showcase their artistic talents. come visit me there :)

It's great to share with all you dancers out there, my Flamenco teacher was the REAL thing, born into a gypsy family started dancing at the age of five. Talk about duende. Watch out for those gypsy men, he is my friend, and has a beautiful girlfriend who is a professional dancer, he goes on tour all over the world, just got back from Buenos Aires, now touring in the USA. He is not teaching right now, so I really miss my classes, I feel like part of my soul is missing....I really do not dance professionaly, just for myself, and maybe at a party with other Flamencos. But I could sing a tango professionally, Flamenco tango that is....