omg this is my horoscope for today. Can you believe it?

You're a little too focused on one person: your mate, your boss or maybe your chief rival. You need to broaden your net, though it may feel awkward at first. It does pay off in the end, though!

No sh.t sherlock!

Snowbird and Partygirl,

Auds is special. :0)) Aren't you Auds????

We know it is a very sensitive time for you. I was in my living hell a couple of months ago. Completely shattered. Reading posts from different personalities, not sure how to take some of it.

Sometimes I just say HMMMMM.

So you will see posts meant for humor. May not be good timing for you YET.

That is the beauty here.

There are heartfelt messages of encouragement.

Some messages are tough LOVE reality checks that you rather not have to accept, but MUST.

There is HUMOR to bring a smile....to someone.

We all CARE very much. ((((((hugs)))))) to everyone.

i'm sorry

No apologies needed here. It is difficult to be in your situation and you say whatever you want, darn it!

It took me a course of time to figure these wonderful people out.

I am now HOOKED by the way.

Stick around with us. There is support here and it is so important that us women stick together and get strength from each other.

Others will check in regularly and respond as you need them. You ALREADY have many new friends.

If it helps keep you in NO CONTACT you keep posting your feelings here or READ READ READ these posts to get you through.

That horoscope says a lot. Very interesting, Snow.

I DON'T KNOW, Snow...

My crap is part of the past here on DWD:
"We know it is a very sensitive time for you. I was in my living hell a couple of months ago. Completely shattered. Reading posts from different personalities, not sure how to take some of it.

Sometimes I just say HMMMMM.

So you will see posts meant for humor. May not be good timing for you YET.

That is the beauty here.

There are heartfelt messages of encouragement."
--------
THANKS, BUT ...
There is no one that can help me...but ME!

Anyone have a knife tonite?
Auds
xoxox

Ok girls!!!! hope im not wrong...
Here it is almost 8! still no contact! whether im wrong or not..
IM NOT WAITING....

IM GOING OUT!!!!!!!!

NOT FOR ANYOTHER INTENTIONS BUT TO MAKE MY SELF NOT SIT HERE AND CRY!!!!

I deserve to be chased.....

I am not anyone's doormat!

HOPE IM MAKING THE RIGHT DECISIONS!

NO, I'm not that special:)... but Thank You!
I'm just saying...
the above statement ina loving way:
IM GOING OUT!!!!!!!!

NOT FOR ANYOTHER INTENTIONS BUT TO MAKE MY SELF NOT SIT HERE AND CRY!!!!

I deserve to be chased.....

I am not anyone's doormat!

HOPE IM MAKING THE RIGHT DECISIONS!
--------
I'm crying like everyone else. I'm just like everyone else...
Auds
xoxox

Thank you all for trying to help. I am slowly making it through tonight. I am going to bed soon.

just don't do anything rash partygirl 172. I wish you lived near me. Hell, I wish anyone lived near me. I wish I didn't live here...

I am sorry for your pain too Audrey. I am also sorry for misunderstanding you. This is all so friggin hard

I CANT STAY HERE CRYING!

I AM SERIOUSLYB DEVASTATED.... HE MUST WANT TO BREAK UP.... NC AND YOU SAY YOU CARE ABOUT ME AN MY SON??????????????

Partygirl1722,

I know what you are going through but remember you have to show confidence.

Try not to think about what he is doing. What can you do to make you feel better.

Is he making you feel better? No so what are you going to do about it. For him nothing till he gets his act together.

Im going to have a glance at the talent in this village today and see who could be promising. No harm in looking now.

Girls,

Lets look at the talent that could have possiblities today.

Can you see anyone that could have a chance with you.

Lets have a look and report back later.

XOXO

Ca,

Just thought I would share with you that I had a friend who was dating this guy for quite some time and I thought they were very happy and things were great. One night we were on the phone for quite a while as she explained her situation to me that they had broken up and that he suffered from severe depression..he followed her one night after she threw him out of HER house and did some scary crap..it was BAD..he refused to get help, refused to take medication etc etc for a LONG TIME..I think after throwing him out, he realized and hit his "rock bottom" and FINALLY went and got help..after listening to her, I thought there is no way he ever will..he has gotten help and he feels better than he ever has..they are back together and happier than ever..just thought I would share with you..Never say never..:) Hugs to you

Aud,

Sounds like you need a GREAT BIG HUG TOO :) Here is to you..HUUGUGGGGGGGGGGG :) Sorry you are feeling sad..You will bounce back..you are strong, I can tell..come to St Louis and hang..we would have FUN

Partygirl,
Hang in there..it DOES get better..the beginning of this craziness is always the most difficult..keep busy..I have found that really helps.I have goofed more than once and text messaged or emailed and I look back and think if I could have been strong, I would probably have heard something by now..instead, I emailed and text messaged and mostly just funny forwards passed on but it is STILL SOMETHING and more than we are getting from them..don't give in..if he really cares, he will be back and will contact you..if it's meant to be, it will be...hugs for you too.

If I missed anyone, I apologize..not intentional..getting tired.

I have fallen off my wagon too..I am in school and was invited to join Phi Theta Kappa, International Honor Society and there is a press release going out in the newspaper and I was very proud and very excited to say the least. It is based on your GPA and you have to be in the top 20% of the class to be invited to join..it is an honor..so I wanted to share it with those that are IMPORTANT to me and I included him in the bunch that i forwarded a copy of the press release to..gee, what a big f'n surprise, I got nothing in return..I was on here reading and I decided to do one of the FOR ME emails and sent him an email telling him (the invisible man) how he has made me feel etc..I just don't understand how someone can say all that he said and throw out so many jealousy comments about another guy I was hanging with and know he is hurting me and not reply to ****..baffles me..anyway, each time that this occurs, it just makes me a little more pissed which for me equals STRENGTH..I want to tell him off in the worst way but I will not give him the satisfaction..why is this so hard..he has been ignorning me for four months TODAY...July was the start of this hell..I'm excited about other aspects of my life such as school but damn, this is so difficult and it's almost as if I'm not interested in meeting others bc I will always compare..what the hell is wrong with me..he is such a TURD for how he has treated me and I still feel this way..uggggghhhhhhh...examine my head please!

I have an idea. Get your swimsuits and go for a swim today.
Swimming is very relaxing and there could be talent there.

The try a Martini at a nice place and have a glimpse.

Are you up for it Auds?

Let us know later.

XOXO

SO I WENT OUT...
MADE ME REALIZE THAT I WANT TO ONLY BE WITH HIM...

I KNOW THAT HE WAS OUT TONIGHT... :(

I THINK THANT HE IS WITH HIS (GOOD FRIEND AND HIS GIRLFRIEND) MAYBE HE'LL REALIZE HE DOESNT WANNA BE WITHOUT ME?

SO WHEN AM I ALLOWED TO MAKE CONTACT WITH HIM?

I MISS HIM SO MUCH....

MartiniMamma,

Thankyou for your kind words. I am soo sorry you are also suffering.

We are all suffering here.

Lets get a plan together to support one another.

Audrey you sound low. Are you feeling better today?

XOXO

Partygirl1722,

He has to be the first to make contact with you.

If you do it he will run. Men have to chase. It is their role.

Have a pampering morning and then try the above.

We need to be strong or we will suffer and soo many days wasted of suffering.

No more.

XOXO

Partygirl1722,

Is the child his son?

What did he do to make you break up and hurt your feelings?

Ca

Thank you..yeah I could kick myself straight in the as* because I will be shocked ifi he doesn't come back around one day..very shocked..I believe in my heart as I posted once before that I think he was scared to death and ran bc of his feelings..things he said, things he did, the way he made me feel etc..he made a lot of jealous remarks about another guy I was around all the time..started as friends which I told invisible man and then it did end up I dated this other guy for a month..he made a TON of jealous comments and then we talked once on the phone the same night most of those were made..conversation went well.talked to him about when to tell women he doesn't want commitment..acted nonchalant and then boom he was gone..he has responded to like two things in four months and that is it..i have told him (big mistake I know) that it hurts me and how can he say he cares etc..NOTHING..I am starting to think I need to accept the painful notion that maybe he doesn't care..find that hard to believe but you never know..I'm here and we can switch numbers..write posts or whatever we need to do..it's been driving me NUTS..I am so strong and I just don't get WHY I am letting him effect me this way..ughh.
you are welcome for the kind words..i'm here for you :)

MartiniMamma,

All you can do is wait. But it doesnt have to be painful and suffering.

We have to change those feelings.

We need a plan to all work together to find happiness for ourselves meanwhile they make up their mind if they can fix themselves.

Ani ideas for the plan. I have lots.

XOXO

ca

I agree with you totally..that is why I could kick myself..I feel that by contacting him as many times as I have over the months by text and email that I have prolonged the agony..if I would have ignored him the very first time he didn't answer me, I may have had my answers by now..oh well, I can't change it now..just move forward..I need to just forget about him and work on myself. I am doing school and doing very well. I have a conference coming up that I am going to with the honor society and I am very excited about that..FOCUS on other things is one of the ideas..keep busy..exercise and do positive things for ourselves..one thing I read in another thread is that men don't like to discuss..they just want to be..don't try to talk about the stuff and just let things happen naturally..sometimes the obvious is overlooked..I don't know about the swimming idea unless it is inside..it's getting a little chilly for swimming here! :)

oh and by the way, I would LOVE to hear your ideas since you have LOTS :) :) Please do share!

MartiniMamma,

I totally agree with you. I did exactely the same thing. Tried running after him at the end and tried fixing him.
He ran after me to but in the wrong way because he didnt take me serious.

I also have wasted so much suffering nad heartache in the last couple of weeks.

If only I had done the clear no contact when I asked him to leave maybe there could have been a different progress.

Now will be the answer. Until then we must not suffer.

I am going swimming indoors. It is a spa with sauna, jazzuzi and gymn. I have planned my day today.

My Son has gone for the day so me and my Daughter are going.
Then for lunch at an Italian Restaurant and then I am going to get my first tattoo done. GODDESS and I am going to get it on my BUM!

How many men would like to see that!

Of course I cant get him out of my head but I have realised I must do nothing now. Just make the most of the fantastic things in life we have.

I will come on later and we can get some ideas together and make us stronger.

Have a lovely day and be a Goddess.

XOXO

Hi, Girls. I'm up early.
Martinimama, congratulations!!!
...Phi Theta Kappa, International Honor Society and there is a press release going out in the newspaper and I was very proud and very excited to say the least!

I had a slow day yesterday and was here on the boards for most of it. Talked a lot to SB2 about her situation.
Don't know her man but he sounds alot like mine.
So, I guess when she said that she felt like his "reserve" girl - it made me very sad.

I'm no one's reserve girl. I did manage to step outside for a bit and the guy downstairs did finally pay the rent. We're going to move some storage pieces today:) The weather should be warmer - Good.

I was also invited for Thanksgiving by a good GF. Am trying to stay positive BUT... I can so relate to Martinimama:
"I believe in my heart as I posted once before that I think he was scared to death and ran bc ..."

Anyway, I found that swiss miss' beautiful apartment is under "wife's" name and his is under the other apartment - in other words, they've switched.
I don't know why he would want to contact me... still.
I could find out but, honestly, it just prolongs this agony.
Like ca, "Of course I cant get him out of my head but I have realised I must do nothing now."

Auds
xoxox

Good morning everyone!!!

ca - good luck with the TATTOO! I've been considering one too - let me know how that goes...

MartiniMama - Congratulations on being invited to join Phi Theta Kappa - that is awesome and you must be so proud of yourself (and you should be!!!)

Auds - Holidays can be the worst time of the year when that loved one isn't around. Let me know if you want to do dinner in NYC next Saturday too.... We don't have to wait for the tree, and we can get each other's minds off the upcoming holidays....

Kat

Cool, Kat. We can pre-meet:)
Auds
xoxox

Today is day 30 since I became a dumpee!!! 28 days since there was any contact at all.... Holy crap, I made it this far....

I have been keeping myself busy, enjoying doing whatever the heck I feel like doing whenever the heck I feel like doing it....

Fridays have become my experiment with new dinner nights, I've been having friends over my house more, I've been talking to EVERYONE everywhere.... Things are definitely improving...

I'm sure I'll have some backsliding from time to time - I was very sad Friday morning for some reason, and then last night I was talking to a friend and was angry again, but in general my feelings are mellowing somewhat.

I definitely do not want to contact him. Wanna laugh? The first couple of weeks I WANTED him to contact me so I could ignore him. Not because I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hurt him back in some way. I wanted him to tell me what a big mistake he made so I could say, no you didn't, it was the best thing that ever happened to me now don't call me again. Anyway, I'm glad none of that happened because it would have made me feel worse and would have delayed my feeling good!!

Anyway, let's all have a wonderful Saturday.....

Kat

Congrats, Kat, you made it to day 30:) Whoots!
Wanna laugh? I just called you and left a message:)))
Auds
xoxox

I just got the message! I have to drop my son at his SAT in about 15 minutes and then I'll call you back..... Can't wait to talk!!!

Lots of heartache here last night. I know it's hard.

Partygirl, when he said not now, he meant not now. It takes men a lot longer to process than it does us. You have to realize you are looking for instant gratification and relief from your pain, but he is not looking at it that way. He needs time and you have to give it to him. If you push him before he is ready in his time, you will only make it worse and validate for him the reason you two are apart. Be silent. A woman's silence has the power of an atomic bomb.

I can relate to wanting to tear him a new one. I have moved on and am doing well, but the hurt has turned to anger and I am still working on a way to let it go. My ex now is in contact with the friends he met through me. He did not have any of his own. Not any, if that isn't a sign of emotionally retarded I don't know what is. It makes me angry that now he has friends that he would not have had he never met me and it bothers me that the one he loved the most just doesn't matter at all. Why does this still bother me. I just discovered all of this recently, that he is socializing with the friends he met through me. It really pisses me off. This town is big enough that he doesn't have to ping me like that really. Go find his own friends.

Snow, you asked why everyone is offline.

I believe they're... dead...
as you can see from above posts, Sophie drank herself to death and Schweetie cried herself to death, perms requested to be shot and partygirl has lost it:)))))

I would be too but Robin would KILL ME...
Auds
xoxox

Ok Girls! If You want to know my story its posted under the thread: AND NOW IM UPSET:( RE: LAST ON THE LIST!

My son is not his... but he has been trying to be a good "father figure"

***************UPDATE****************

So, Like I had posted before: I went out last night... and realized that i MISS HIM SO MUCH!

I woke up at 6:30 am with the worst feeling ever... feeling of loneliness, dissapointment, heartbreak, you name it!

My gut instinct said: CALL HIS SISTER!

I dont know if i made the right decision or not but i followed my gut instinct...

without telling her the whole story i told her we had NC and that i had prev attempted to text and ask to talk... I know that she honestly KNOWS HIM BEST!

i Explained how i have never tried so hard in my life with someone...

she said she knows that when he is upset he totally SHUTS DOWN and its not nice and that she cant justify it. But said she knows he's been through allot this past week and needed SPACE to get himself together it wasnt just our fight he had going on... She told me that i needed to let him be... but told me to go against what everyone has said for me to do... CALL HIM! she said: if he dont answer, leave him a message and say your hurting and you want to talk in person when he is ready!
she insured me this: he has never been with a woman the way he is with me, that she never seen him engage with someone elses family and is 100% sure that the feelings i have for him are mutual!

I WENT AGAINST ALL ODDS... I Hung up with her and Called him!

HE ANSWERED!!!! WE TALKED SOMEWHAT BRIEFLY BUT HE SEEMED TO BE GLAD I CALLED... NOTHING ELSE MAJOR HAS HAPPENED... BUT GOD, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! STILL heartbroke and of course didnt talk about the fight... but we said we'd talk later.

I hope im not hurting anyone else's feelings with this post. I just wanted to give an update.
Dont know if this means we'll get better??? or if his sister will tell him and if it'll piss him off??? i can just HOPE for the best...

Thanks for all the support! I am certain i still will need it ...

I also fell off the wagon last night. After one day, how pathetic...I let him know how I felt about all this crap. nicely of course....also told him I needed space to sort things out. God it hurts so bad.

Snowbird777,

How was he when you told him?

Girls,

Im here.

I got the Tattoo done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also one with the initials of my children on my shoulder.

This is COOL. It feels better than any book. I would strongly recommend it. Get that Goddess tattoo on your Bum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It will work wonders lol.

XOXO.

Now for some plans of action. Men watch out!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi, Thank god this thread with you all is here..

This is day 2 of NC for me.. I broke up with someone I had been with for 6 months.

I called him on the phone to break up and had to hang up quickly from our conversation because I was getting too upset - he was turning things around and making me the "bad guy"

He felt that because he was always telling me that he thought the world of me, loved me, cared about me, that I should not feel like he didn't want to be with me when he could almost never plan ahead to spend time with me. He is very, very busy with his house, fixing his car, and helping all kinds of friends out with their cars, and household repairs. We saw each other when there was time left over from that, and it was ALWAYS at night, sometimes late, and he would never nail down an exact time. So I started to go out with my friends more because they asked me to do things with them - especially this past summer. A couple of these things - like concerts, were planned before I met him. The other day he told me that at the beginning of our relationship I was more "available" and that it seemed I was going out with my friends all the time to "prove a point". I can't tell you how many times I have invited him to do things, and he will never give me a straight yes or no answer, so I just pretty much gave up. Interestingly though, he met my family twice, and both times he was on time for that, so it's all very confusing. So in my case, being busy as I am, and not hanging around kind of backfired (or did it? better to find out now?)

I calmly told him about 3 times during the course of the 6 months that I was disappointed that we could never set aside time ahead of time to see each other and I offered a solution that we should decide on one or two days a week where we could see each other that wasn't just at night to have dinner and go to bed. I told him I needed more than that to get to know someone.

I know that I need to go back to dwd and review the "self-esteem" chapters, because now I am feeling responsible or that I didn't give enough.. ugh!

Help! robincarolina, love this line you wrote somewhere in this post: "silence from a woman is like an atomic bomb" that is priceless.

Just wanted to share a song that I love and thought you all might

relate: Lauryn Hill
Gotta find peace of mind

Hope everyone is doing ok

xoxo

Partygirl172 and all

He didn't read it yet. He wouldn't answer my text either. This is what I sent him:

I need to shut me down for awhile. I need some me time. This has all been way too much drama and confusion for me. I don't know what happened. All I wanted was to talk to you. I guess we have different ideas on how friends talk, I don't know. Maybe I care too much to be just your friend.

Anyways, I am tired of begging you to talk, so I am shutting me down. You will not hear from me for awhile. I don't know how long. I am sorry. I am not leaving our friendship, it has just gotten too crazy somehow, and it hurts too much. If you ever want someone to love you and are ready for a relationship I am here (where that specifically will be I don't know). I can handle that, just not just being your friend. That makes me too crazy. I want more from you and you can't give it like you said. Thanks for being honest with me. I have to be honest with myself too. You are too important to me. Things could have been really wonderful if you would have let me into your heart. We could have helped each other. Maybe someday. Who knows.

Take care of your family and enjoy you time with your son. Hope you get to see him for Christmas. I know you will do well in your business also. In some things you are still persistent.

If I change any of my contact info, I will let you know in case you ever want to contact me.

I wanted to tell you on the phone, but since you won't call me and won't answer my calls, I have to say this here. I am so very sorry. I just can't handle this right now. Too many emotions.

I sent you a card when I left for CA. I don't know if you remember it or not. It was with a quote from Dolly Parton. I still feel the same way. It said:

I hope life will treat you kindly. And I hope you have all you ever dream of. I wish you joy; and happiness. But above all this, I wish you love. I will always love you.

What do you all think? Too pathetic? I asked him not to contact me for awhile unless it was important. Am I being stupid? I didn't see how I had much choice.Still hurting here, but now much more.

Partygirl172

I replied to you. It is somewhere here. How did your night go? Are you okay? Kind of?

I have been doing relatively well lately. I have busy weeks and every single weekend I had been leaving town to visit with friends (for my sanity). Last weekend, friends came up to be with me.

This weekend, I have not gone anywhere much due to studying and have had a difficult day missing no show. Plus, earlier this week my poor little puddy (2 years old) had to be put down due to a cardiac event from unknown heart problems. It has just compounded an already emotional state.

I am at day 64 NC already. In a few weeks would have been our second anniversary and last year over a lovely dinner and pricey bottle of wine, he said just wait till next year. It makes me so sad it did not happen.

Then there is the holiday plans that are not happening together either. So hard. I will be so glad when these holidays are past. I feel so left out from the circle of friends and annual events that I will not be a part of and together with him.

So many plans have changed. Re-establishing new directions can be so hard sometimes.

As far as me making contact, I have a very simple friendly email in drafts that I STILL have not sent. I keep putting it off. Now maybe I will send something AFTER the holidays. Sometimes I think we are both just too stubborn to budge.

MartininMama,

I also got invited to Chi Sigma something for counselors. Yes, can you believe I am studying to be a marriage and family counselor and I still can't get this crap right?

Anyways, congrats to you! I also let my ex know awhile ago. Didn't hear one word from him neither. Must be a guy thing..I am proud of us though!

Thanks for making me laugh Audrey. It is a huge accomplishment today!

I didnt see your reply:
Go to my thread:

AND NOW IM UPSET :( LAST ON THE LIST

UNDER RELATIONSHIPS

i am getting off line but i think my thread will answer your question about my night... i will answer you later:)

dont be sad... stay confident. you sound like a beautiful person!

Ca
I also have been trying to get a tatoo. I have always wanted an angel or a unicorn. Looked in PA while I was there and they wanted 215 dollars. No way! Was going to get one in OH when I came through to see one of my sons, but had to leave early for this place here that I call home, TX. No offense to anyone from TX it is just that I am very unhappy here.

Anyways, I am going to try again to get my tatoo as soon as I can find one that I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for. Let me know how it goes!

Ca
If you don't mind me asking how much was it to get it done?

My daughter and I went to get a tatoo together a couple of years ago. She got hers.....I chickened out.

I STILL want one and a GODDESS tat on the bum is an intriguing thought.

Maybe I will be brave. Kind of taking the pain to make a statement and also help cure the emotional pain.

I like it!!!

Ca,

How much did it hurt? I am such a chicken s**t.