I am cyclingchick, day 20. Whew!! Ladies, I am a fitness instructor and I would like to recommend that if you aren't exercising, please try to start. It is a healthy way to focus your mind and body and relieve anxiety. I teach Spin classes and if you've not tried it, please do. Or find something else that you enjoy. Yoga is wonderful for centering the mind and body and its really not all new age stuff either. A good yoga dvd is Power Yoga by the Firm. It is 30 minutes and can be done at home. Try it and you'll be hooked! Try a Zumba class, pilates whatever looks appealing to you. Then, you'll be looking hot when the time comes to see your man and will feel more confident. I always tell myself that I rock any room I walk into! :)

hi...my name is itspossible and i am in day 3-4 of no contact and cyclingchick I do a step class and zumba class (love them) but it does not help with taking my mind off of ANYTHING!!!!! I still want him even while I am working, playing, talking, working out, being with my daughter, hanging out with the girls for ladies night out, at church...it doesn't matter..my heart hurts!!!

sorry...we are supposed to be encouraging...right...sorry

well i am not counting the days anymore since for me it really is just over, he is engaged.
so......i had lasted 21 days and felt great, and I do think if not for the, ahem other woman, he would have come back. so for me now it is just....i will never call him again.

So I just have to grieve and live my life. I think what was hard for me about no contact was the HOPE he would come back...show up on my door, etc etc. Now that I KNOW he won't and it really is OVER, no contact is easier. Really. So if you all can move yourself into that state of mind of it is over...it will be horrible at first but it does make you healthier.

I cannot sleep
I wake up in the middle of the night and need to smoke
I can't eat
I have stomach pains all day long
I look awful and tired

But he is not worthy of my thoughts anymore, nor my friendship nor my good will. So there you go.

One day at a time!

Robin, I fell off the wagon today too.

I've been talking to another guy online who wants to meet this weekend. I am soooo not ready to "date" but maybe it would be good for me to go, just to get out there again.

Hi Ladies, you can call me Shar since my ID is what it is.
I have made it through the first 24 hours. I spent the first day playing golf and wanted to send him a pic sooooo bad because he told me last week that I will have fun and to just try. I did and even though I sucked, I looked damn good and turned plenty of heads!
I live in Ohio and I am a 44 yearold widow and mother of a 21 year old son and a 5 year old daughter.
I am a college graduate (I put myself through school when my son was 5.)
I am an amazing woman and I have so much to offer someone.
I will NOT contact him and I know that he WILL think of me everyday until he can't stand it anymore and God willing I will run into him sometime, somewhere over the next couple of months so he can see the results of my workouts and I will be better than he remembered. And even then, I will not contact him and will let him stew a while longer!

Hugs to all here, we all deserve one and let's help each other keep our chins up and our hands off of our phones!

Hello,

I am here for moral support since so many of you ladies helped me through my break up. We were apart for 5 weeks and now we are on day 6 after getting back together. Although, that definitely doesn't mean that we have worked through our issues completely. I have faith that we will.

You need to show yourself to be the strong one, that is, cut off all ties; do not call, email, text, instant message, interoffice mail or send a letter through the post. I know for a fact that the pain is not just a figurative--your heart literally hurts. You have to grieve, and focus on yourself. If you don't care about yourself then who will? Begin moving on, after all, you are the one who will benefit in the end. Either he will truly miss you and realize what he has lost (and by that time it may be too late) or you will begin moving on with your life and eventually find someone else. Neither is a bad outcome when you look at the big picture. Just think: THIS TOO WILL PASS.

Good luck and lots of love to all of you ladies.

Im on day 30 something -- and im at a place that im glad that jerk is out of my life; he hurt me so bad and i didnt deserve any of it -- all i did was love him and wanted love in return and he walked all over my feelings; in the beginning it did hurt; but i kept my focus on how bad he treated me and i was DETERMINED not to be treated like that again by him; Yes, i loved the s---- out of him and he knew it; and instead of him nuturing that, he used me ... to hell w/ him.

and for real, he didnt do anything so detrimental that i hate him; no, he just didnt love me when i loved him; do yall know what love really is? well, that's what i was willing to give him and he didnt want it and wasnt man enough to tell me that i should not love him .. why use me when you dont want me like that? why? and no, he never came out to tell me that he didnt want me and to leave him alone, I had to make this decision on my own -- i could probably have handled it better if he told me to just leave him alone, but he never did ....

Im Lee- on 6 months- no contact - was finally broken last week. I have the opportunity to hang out and be a friend while he dates the woman he left me for. Too many details to rehash- i just wrote a posting about it his week.

I was supposed to possibly see him at a club tonight- but called back and told him i changed my mind. He wants to be just friends- I want it all. So- i guess the no contact starts again for me today.

Lets let this be the longest thread ever. Don't feel like talkng 2nite but tomorrow is another day. Love you all. We can do this together. Swet dreams everyone.

Ha Ha like we are going to have sweet dreams.

I'm on day 20 and it still feels like day 1. I'm trying so hard to move past this, but he was my best friend and not having him in my life has left such a gaping, painful hole. For the life of me, I just can't comprehend how we got here, why we can't even speak anymore when we used to be able to tell each other everything. He just doesn't want me, for whatever reason. He dumped me and it's over. I have no choice but to move on. But all I can think about was how perfect and wonderful we were together. I'm never going to find that again, I just can't stand it.

I think you will find it again, does not seem like it now, but in time we will, its late for me, I started this, I will stay with it, so hang in there and we will all talk and spport tomorrow. Shaina where are you? corinne t, you are not alone.

curiostity....girl i could have the same exact thing!! oh my! i feel the exact same way about the guy i was just "bedding"..he knew that i loved him, but why is it that we women have to have so much self love self respect and self esteem for ourselves but the men are not taught to have some type of self respect for themselves and women and that they shouldnm't treat women any kind of way just because a woman allows them to but have enough dignity about themselves and tell the woman that its not working or its over, etc! I am on in no contact mode...buti am sicker than 4 dogs in heat!!! i hate that he is not even contacting me at all to see why i am not contacting him!!! and now he is off to houston for a freaking wedding! urghhh

I am not sure what day I am on for no contact - been off for weeks and then he persists with "miss you" "thinking about you" texts and emails that I have not responded to for 8 weeks. But saw him Sunday so a glitch..... but I spoke my mind "that felt good" sort of.
Anyway the thing that is bugging me now is that a lot of you were looking for the guy to commit. My situation was he wanted to get married and was always there for me and told me he loved me. I was the one who was scared. So a little tough on me, because I feel I was to blame. But I guess if he did love me he would still be here RIGHT?
Hard one to figure out. It is never easy ----
I am having a hard time admitting that maybe I was just dating someone who does not know what love is, or maybe I don't.
I was looking for the "perfect" guy and he was in SO many ways ..... I may have to look pass that a bit and realize there is no such thing as perfect. I am not saying we should settle. But maybe try to just be happy and not "dwell" on the negatives so much and how we are being treated by guy. But if we are truly happy. Takes the pressure off them to make us happy.

Hi I am katsrx7
I haven't posted much,but wanted to off up this

that is does get better,(yes i fell off wagon after two months) and i am here
to say its not worth it,i felt stupid
time is our only friend,,courage is our friend,,

for the first time last night i really had a good cry

But i cried to God and budda to for give me of any sin i might have had in respect to that relstionship,to help me with my healing and my future path for my self..and it did help,,my heart is much peaceful today.I feel like a weight has been lifted,,I cant change the past and what we both have done to each other
but i can say forgive me and him for they not know what they do,,and keep moving

I pray for you all to also find a peace with in your self,your beautiful women
and deserve your hearts desire,,and i know you will have it

hang in there it can and does get better
katherine

Hi

Thanks robincarolina this thread is a great idea!

I'm softandsweet - in name and nature. I'm on day 5 and starting to struggle. Still strong but starting to think about him too much and the first thing I think about on waking (several times a night).

I'm not looking forward to the weekend where I'll have too much time to think.

I'd forgotten about exercising making you feel good, thanks cyclingchick I'll try that.

Hang in there ladies.
xx

Robin, your No Contact support thread is a great idea! I'm on my third month of no contact. Have written a letter that explains it all and am "journaling" - still editing it frequently. I smoke too much and drink too much, admittedly.

I met him 25 years ago. He looked me up back in 2002. Kept in touch between 2002 and 2006 with an occasional dinner date/phone call/smooch fest. Then in early 2007, we had sex.He was there for me when I needed him most in 2007. In all eyes, we were a couple. I was crazy in love with him and wanted a commitment. I pushed, he panicked; he left, I cried. I was devastated, confused and an emotional wreck with my mom passing and him on the road. He's calm and even-tempered, vague and cryptic. He's separated but (legally) he's still married and in business for the next two years with his "wife".

Some days I miss him like crazy. Been through hell and back in these past two years. Called him at his home back in Feb and "wife" answered. We missed each other's phone calls several times after that. He even stopped by here with an Easter plant but I wasn't home. But then I fell off the wagon in April 2009 and sent him my letter. Shortly afterwards, I joined DWD. After my mom's death, I wrote, he never risked a dialogue to ask how I was getting along. I deserve better than that. Had I known then what I learned from DWD, that letter would never have been sent.

It's now mid-July and I haven't heard a word from him. No response.

Hi

I am loveulongtime, as this was what my ex always said to me.
I am on day 5, not coping today, as today is when we were getting the keys for the new house we were buying.

Things got pretty mad on day3 with some negative txt's from him out of hanger. The same night I had a txt asking me to ring him, I plucked the courage up and rang and was suprised how nice he was on the phone, he stayed on the phone for over an hour, he talked about how good things could of been if I didn't accuse him of cheating (I was not happy with him walking our dog with another woman, hench the reason I asked if there was something going on! doesn't help she lives on the same road and walks her's regular!) I am not sorry for asking if anything was going on, would anyone else do the same? He suggested to much has happend to get back but does find it strange not having me at home.

Any way, haven't heard from him since day3 and it's now day5 and will be night 6 I stayed from there. I do worry, that other girl being so close, but he was adiment nothing has or would ever happen between them, but if that's the case why tell me to go!
Like I said it is a hard day, but getting inspiration from you gals is giving me the support to hold this out.

Thank you all, and good luck to you all too.

loveulongtime, did you accuse him of cheating or did you ask if there was something going on? From your post, there must have been sooommme argument that he asked you to leave. You must have raked him over the coals, for walking your dog with another woman who lives on the same road and walks her dog.
Either you are very insecure or not trusting or extremely jealous. If ,on the other hand, he's givien you reason for suspicion then you had every right to ask. Either way, if he interpreted this as an accusation of cheating and he wasn't then this relationship has a long way to go before you can ever move in together, right?
This is hard. You need time to sort all this out. Things are never meant to be other than what they are and you'll get through this - in time. So sorry for all your upsets. Stay strong.

Hi my name is Sky
From South Hampton, NY

Was with a great man for over a year.Until he became very distent with, the I don't no what I want.I asked him if he wanted to move on.The only thing I got from him was give me time,don't shut me out...3 Weeks ago it got very bad.He kept hurting my feeling with the pulling away, and being cold..I broke it off.

It's now 7 days with no contact.I'm doing fine with the no contact, and the crying has stoped..I just keep saying to my self he's Gay, works for me..

But I do think alot,about his actions.Thats the hard part.

This site has helped me a lot..Thank god for all you.

Wow Audrey....that's the first time i have heard ur story. I always love ur advice and comments. Hope all is going well with you.Sometimes I hold back from saying anything on this site, because i actually take no crap and do not put myself in situations where i have to asked u girls what to do. To be honest, i know what to do...and do it. But its hard to tell someone else as i am a very tough cookie and would come across as a heartless "biatch" if i were to give advice to anyone. In my world it is not hard to see a "red flag", and the minute i do,,,ummmm..I'm DONE...See ya!.. I understand most women are very emotional and would not have a clue what the heck I'm talking about. (Mind you..have been single my whole life)and raised a boy who is almost 18 by myself. His worthless father has never met him. Well life does go on and I hope all women will learn to be strong someday!..You go girls!!

Hi Audrey
I do feel insecure but having lived with him already for the past year and half, he isn't the type to re-assure me when I need to be. I posted a link about the situation under, Does he love me? which states the whole incident. With him being in Hospital after a head injury and the week he was back up on his feet, this girl re-appeard and it seemed every chance she got to see him at the back of the house or when he was walking our dog, she would be there! I asked him before, what they talk about and he did tell me, then when I saw them the one day, I went over to see what they were talking about and she was very talkative, more to him but saying things strange like: telling her dog to stop licking it-self but then made a remark that then again if she could do it she probably would! How revolting, strait away I felt un-comfortable with how she spoke to him and curiosity got with me. I kept thinking what she say's when I am not around!
I guess the last straw came on the Sunday, when I came home and didn't know where he had gone, so as I was driving to visit my Mother, I saw them up the mountain behind where we live, so I went and joined them curious of what was happening, but didn't say anything to them just tried to be calm and myself. When we got home he was annoyd that it looked like I was checking up on them, I explaind how I felt and he went off in his van to take his cousin's dog back. As I went to go and drive to my Mother's again I saw him parked over by the farm and she was standing there by the van, I was gutted. By the time I got back around by the house, he smiled and stated he had just given her a lift because she was running late for a horse riding class. I asked what he was playing at and if there was something going on and he flipped! Saying he is sick of me and wanted me to pack and go to my Mother's! Apart from a text later that afternoon, saying it is over he was not interested in this other woman and it's all in my head. I didn't hear from him until the thirdd day when he txt me to ring him after a few heated txt's ealier that day. I got mixed messages from him saying he thinks it was better it happend now than when we moved to the new house, and then he said it's strange without me and how it would of been so good doing the house up and he was even going to arrange for us to go away, knowing how much we needed one after the worry of him when he was in hospital, but then he said too much has happend to get back and do these things! If there was nothing between them, why couldn't he just tell me and put my mind at rest instead of being so mad with me and telling me to go!
I am sorry going on a bit! It's just trying to tell it as it is without missing too much out! But what should of been an exciting day in getting the keys to our new house has become a very sad day for me! Thanks for the advice and support, need it more today x

Hi Sky, we should hook up as I have friends in Aquebogue...hehehe.
Hurt feelings by pulling away is what I got too when I was doing the "driving". Best advice is that YOU AGREE WITH HIM about giving him time. Doesn't mean that you can't have some male companionship though.
His actions toward you hurt your feelings, honey. I can so relate to that. Furthermore, I felt humiliated.
Maybe, sometime when I'm out East, I'll say SKY and you'll be there
God Wink:)
Auds

Hi loveulongtime, seems like your gut is telling you something. You seem to be intuitively knowing that she's making a play for your man. Maybe he doesn't realize it or maybe he does, who knows. So, when their conversataions get a bit sexual,I agree,that she's overstepping her bounds with your man.
He may be "b*tching" to her about you and she's keeping things light and airy...gawd! That must feel awful for you. I know that it would for me.
Let's say that the scenario I painted IS true. Then what would be so different about your situation now that you've separated?
I'd observe this girl a bit more if that's possible. If he's attracted to her type of conversation: "...saying things strange like: telling her dog to stop licking it-self but then made a remark that then again if she could do it she probably would! How revolting, strait away I felt un-comfortable with how she spoke to him and curiosity got with me. I kept thinking what she say's when I am not around!" AND YOU'RE APPAULED BY IT then someone is not on the same page as you.
This is more than a trust issue, I think.

Good morning Ladies (and the few Gents)

Well, as i said up above somewhere, I was (now HAD) been in No contact for 30 days plus, actually its been 5 weeks. He Contacted me around 12:15 a.m. this morning -- luckily my phone was on vibrate and I was calling the hogs (sleeping soundly), seriously. Even if my phone rang for me to hear it, i wouldnt have picked up. Now, tell me, I know it was another booty call as it had been for the last year until i "walked" -- but my question is WHY call? does he just want to see where "I am" in the mind, does he just want "booty", does he really miss me, What?

ps. im going out tonite and my ex hubby who I am still friends w/ (and that's it) will be there; we discussed it; hopefully we will have lots of fun dancing and maybe booty call man will be there, so WTF.

sorry for sounding so harsh, but those were MY feelings his walked over back then. For nothing.

Yesbrat, thanks for your comment:" I always love ur advice and comments". It means alot to me. You said that sometimes you hold back from saying anything on this site. Don't do that with me, GF...promise? (lol)
I am not a tough cookie, I am too sensitive but believe me manytimes "they" have also called me a BIATCH... hehehe.
So, you can comment on my story anytime, yesbrat.

curioustity, a phone call at 12:15 am is not anything that I would respond to from a guy that I want long-term. He needs to call at a decent hour and enough in advance. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That's my 5 cents worth:))

Im not responding Audrey

I think i said that -- I was just asking the question, why would he call again, after 5 weeks, KNOWING that i wont tolerate his bullcrap anymore -- This, I did tell him, maybe he's just testing the waters huh? Well, the water is still hot ... but my gut is telling me that in spite of it all, somewhere down in that ruthless heart of his, he does care -- well, if he does, where I am at with him -- 5 weeks of no contact -- he would definitely have to prove it. And to be honest w/ myself, I dont think he's Man enough to do that. His Ego is the biggest part of him. He deal w/ too many women to humble to one .... whatever.

Hi Audrey
I had a feeling she wasn't just bumping into him by coincidence like she said when I spoke to her. Even though he tought it was in my head, I had to follow my instincts. And even though he denied anything happening, saying he knows she's been about. To me she was still making a play for him, either he's blind or just stuipid. I a asked why her long conversations with him, and she replied I can't help it if I get along better with men than I do with bitchy women! To which I calmly replied well you don't know me, and you can ask any of my friend's I am not bitchy, malicisous or nasty, but I don't let someone get between us. Wether it is all inocent I am un-comfortable with her being around him and goes to show what she is like, she couldn't wait to tell him the next day I posted my number through her door! to which was the reason for the heated txt messages I received. I have been home when he is in work to check around the house, hoping he haven't brought her there but apart from the pictures of us around the sitting room moved to the side, he still has the one's of us kept up in the bedroom.
What would you suggest Audrey, is this something that could be saved if he makes the move and effort, or do I just initiate this as the end of something that was good, and also lose the house we should of been moving to for a new start that would be away from her!
Thank you x

Yes, curioustity, I believe that "somewhere down in that ruthless heart of his, he does care...". Now it's time to read Paige's strategy again. He needs to call at a decent hour for starters. When he does then keep the conversation short and you end it.
If he calls in the wee hours, he gets no response or reaction from you. Right? Right. Meanwhile, keep dating yourself and other men.

You said >> "Im not responding Audrey"... EXCELLENT
Let's see if MR-I-have-all-these-women-chasing-me has all the tools for creating a healthy lasting relationship with ONE woman...Hmmm?

BTW, caring is not the same as loving. You want LOVE and nothing less, GF
Auds xoxoxoxox

loveulongtime - "To me she was still making a play for him, either he's blind or just stuipid. I a asked why her long conversations with him, and she replied I can't help it if I get along better with men than I do with bitchy women! To which I calmly replied well you don't know me, and you can ask any of my friend's I am not bitchy, malicisous or nasty, but I don't let someone get between us."

YEP! She's the player. Your guy is falling for it - hook, line and sinker.

You asked:What would you suggest Audrey, is this something that could be saved if he makes the move and effort, or do I just initiate this as the end of something that was good, and also lose the house we should of been moving to for a new start that would be away from her!

Well, you definitely need to get away from her. I personally don't associate with female "players". However, your guy does not seem to notice her ego-stroking tactics and does not perceive her in the same light.
The bottom line here is that you want a working relationship with this man. If he truly loves you then he would put your feelings first and foremost. Right now, he needs to miss you and be open to you. You cannot initiate anything, I don't think. Stay calm and have confidence in that you are the better person - no games.
Get comments from others, honey, before you do anything,k? K.
L&K,
Auds xoxox

Thanks Audrey
I have been so tempted to warn her off, but when he text and asked what I was playing at puting my number through her door after she went running to him. I replied "goes to show I was right, she obviously can't keep away" He responded she saw him at the back of the house and was Embarrassed and didn't know what I was trying to accuse her of! ( I told her I wasn't accusing her, just asking was there something going on, or if she had any intentions for there to be) So she didn't tell him what I said but changed it to how she would want it to sound. I wish he wsn't so stupid and see what she was doing, but then he keep's saying "why would I want her? she is meeting his friend and has been about" so I am not sure if that's his re-assurance but I just don't know what to think. I feel like it's me in the wrong, for him telling me to go when there was someone trying to come between us.
I am still holding out, as hard as it is today. But the sooner he see's her for what she has done, the sooner I hope this can be resolved or even he finally miss me.

I will hold out for other advice though Audrey, even though yours has been great, sometimes different opinions could put it in to a new light for me.

Keep it up everyone! Lets get what we deserve for one x

Good Morning Ladies. looks like I slept through a lot last night.

loveulongtime, I know these words you are hearing about the other woman are ripping your heart out. Its gotta just make you feel ill. I do think thought that it is possible that she has peaked his interest, its a male ego thing and he would be an idiot to throw away what he has with you for her.

I think back to a time when I was in a long term relationship with a great guy but he would not commit. Another guy started paying me attention and I acted much like your guy is acting. I broke up with my no commitment guy, ended up with the other one who treated me like crap by the way and all of a sudden no commitment wanted a commitment. I left them both eventually.

The more you fight this, the more you will push him towards her. Its very hard to do, because you want to stop it, but you can't. You can only hope he realizes the grass is not greener on the otherside. There is a book a lot of us have read. Email me if you are interested. Go into no contact and let him miss you and wonder what you are doing.

On a positive note, I went and met some girlfriends last night, there were 6 of us, 4 guys that I use to run with years ago, camping, partying came in and joined us. We talked about old times and we laughed til we cried. When I walked out of that place I thanked God that I could still laugh and to have friends like that. Its times like that which will pull us through.

Lets stick together here and be one anothers strength.

WHERE IS SHIANA? Did I miss her? I hope she has not fallen off the wagon.

I am really looking at my own situation more clearly. I found out last year that the receptionist is the "wife". I found out that his old apartment is where she resides - he lives just blocks away. Why didn't he tell me this when we were together? I assumed she was back in Europe but she was here all the time running the business while he was doing the travelling.
Why didn't he tell me that he told her of our relationship? I don't know what or if he told her anything about me. That's not right!
She needed to know about me so that we could move forward in our relationship. Has he been playing me all this time? I just don't know what to think anymore.
Robin and girls, help!

Audrey,

You have given me so much great advice, now its time to take your own advice, like me we give it out, but don't use it ourselves. Actions, read his actions or as in my case and yours, lack of actions. If they wanted to be with us, they would, plain and simple. You think she needed to know about you, but what does he think? Perhaps he does not think she needed to know about you. Thats what makes all this so hard is we want answers, the sad truth is we are probably not going to get them and thats where we accept and move on. We accept the rejection, that is what is so hard for me. Then we question was it all a lie? It just makes no sense how someone can love you one day and shut you out the next and that is something I don't think any of us will understand, so we just have to accept and live, and live well. xoxo

Robin, girl, I know that he wanted a relationship with me and I know that he needed to keep the business going too. So, unless he "finds the time" to set things straight so that we are all on the same page, I have to think that he does not want me badly enough.

Robin, you asked, "You think she needed to know about you, but what does he think?" I KNOW he thinks: She knows alot but she doesn't know EVERYTHING and it's none of her business.

Yeah, Robin, he forgot one teensy detail: I NEEDED TO KNOW, I DID... MEEEE. He's such a stupid a$$, got "scared" and he ruined it. I wrote that letter and sent it, Robin, with all of my misconstrued observations. He needs to let me know that I wasn't being used and that he genuinely cared for me and that she was just a business partner. Past or present. Don't you think?

Day 2 - So as I lay me down to sleep (last night), my little voice inside reminded me that he snapped a pic of me at the pool last week with his phone.

The little voice also told me that he's looked at it often and that even though he's away again today and there for his daughter, he can't stop thinking about me and is regretting his last text to me.....

....so I smiled and drifted off to sleep knowing in my gut that by "bowing out" gracefully and with my dignity and giving him the space he needed this week, that he is stewing over me more than I am of him and that it won't be nearly as long as I am telling myself that it will be. Funny thing is, I've been giving him this space all along and never pressured for anything more. Now he will realize it.

Kind of sinister of me to actually be enjoying this. That or I have totally lost it and should be committed to a psych ward.

Day 5 and the first time I've cried since the split. It's so hard to stop thinking about things said and done isn't it. It hurts.

While at work it's been easy, but at home I'm alone and can't get motivated to do anything even though there's a hundred and one things to do. All I want to do is eat. I suppose this is where all he would want to do is drink.

How do you all stay strong. I have no people around me to distract me. Most of my friend's are married and the one that isn't has a child keeping her busy. I don't have children and no contact with family. I'm so lonely and I haven't felt that way for over a year.

How do you who are on your own most of the time cope with your feelings?

Hello everyone! I'm Judy from Sunny Southern California. I'm on day 8 from my las contact (texted him to tell him to leave my keys when he picked up the last of his things) and day 10 when I really ended it!

It's hard as it is for all of us, but it's only harder if we don't make them respect us or give us what we are asking for.

I've been through a few heartbreaking relationships and always thought how hard it was to get over them and I wasn't going to love again, but we do! don't we! and we always look back and see what fools we were for ever staying in the hurting stage for so long!

I prayed so hard for this relationship to end cause I knew it wasn't for me and it wasn't going anywhere. I knew for darn sure I needed to fix myself!!! but now that I have what I prayed for it hurts! It hurts more because he hasn't picked up the last of his things, I feel I can't get full closure but I am for sure not going to use that as an excuse to text!

Softandsweet,

The lonleness part of it is what will drive you to CONTACT him. Even though I have had children under 18 in my house for the last 21 years and was single for the majority of it, I still get terribly lonely too. Whatever you do, DO NOT CONTACT!

I moved back to Ohio to be near my family last summer and spent the first year here living under my sister's roof. June 1st of this year I finally was able to move into a place of my own with my 5 year old daughter and within a couple of weeks, as much as I enjoyed finally having my own place again, I could not believe how damn lonely I was and it was a hopeless feeling. I've been here a year and so far no real close friends that I can sit and have a glass of wine with and "whine" about my troubles or to go out and have a girls night out with. It sucks and I wish I could give you some answers on how to avoid it. Kids can be the source of so much happiness and fullfillment in your lives but when your down, you just want adult conversation. And they can also be the thing that keeps you "locked up" inside with no other options. I love both of my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world but they can't touch adult companionship and friendship. So see, even with kids, the loneliness is still rampant.

We can however, Date ourselves as Paige recommends, which for me is just as excruciating because I hate going anywhere alone, it just reminds me that I am alone.

I curl up with a good book, some take me away to some foreign land and some teach me humility through hearing others stories of their lives. Now I will get back into all things mystical and spiritual. I will pick up "The Secret" again and turn my brain around and start thinking positive. I kind of look at this way, now I can watch whatever movie I want to watch and I can finish the whole bottle of wine if I want to and if I want to stay up until 2:00 in the morning, it won't be because I'm waiting on someone.

You ask how we stay strong, because we are woman and it's in our make up. I myself, am and always have been a very positive person. I always find a bright side and the glass is always half full. The mind is a very powerful thing and the more we dwell on the negative, the more negative will come to us.

Go to my contact information and email me ANYTIME! I have an I-touch so my email goes where I go. Please, email me. I have very few friends as well and everyone could use a friend, no matter how far away.

Thanks sjp99stang that's really kind of you...

I felt better after a cry...and am full of positivity again. I won't be contacting him no matter how lonely I get. Am making plans now to get my house and garden in order. I just had a temporary blip. A few words with a friend, a bit of a cry and back on track again.

I see your point about having/not having children and the lack of adult conversation. I guess that's me thinking the grass is greener. It never is though - it's just different.

I agree dating yourself is difficult. I can go places alone but I don't like to. As you say, it emphasises your aloneness. Being a home bird makes it difficult anyway as I'm much happier in my little home.

I will email you.

Softandsweet,

Blips, hiccups, good cries....oh yah, had my share this week. You're right, you always feel better after a good cry.

I need to have a conversation with a man who got kind of close and then "thought about it" and just wants to be friends (see my thread under NEW TO... "time and mixed messages". Because I'm new, I think I didn't start it in the right place)

I will need to let him know I can't turn my feelings around right now, to be just friends. Then I will follow the no contact rule...will be SO hard, but I know you all will give me support when I need it, as I will you.

What I would like to know, is, are there any success stories as far as reconnecting after possible reconsideration by the guy because of no contact? Under those circumstances, when would be appropriate to respond? If there came a time when I DID think I could be just a friend, I could contact him and see what he says (I do currently have an ex with whom I'm friends...took time!)?? I realize that in the end, all will be good. I will have learned and moved on, or he will see what he gave up (the wonderful me!) and return. What will be will be, and time will be the answer. But what would be a reasonable amount of time? I think I read above, about someone taking 9 months.

Let me be clear, I would not be waiting around for him to return, but if available and I had not seen some other light of day, I would like to be open to possibilities with him.

...and Robin, thanks for creating a thread to consolidate such things!!

Audrey, you said

He needs to let me know that I wasn't being used and that he genuinely cared for me and that she was just a business partner. Past or present. Don't you think?

I am going to tell you what you told me, sort of. You are deciding for him what he needs to do, this isn't about him, its about you. You feel you need to know, I would like to know why a man that loved me very much just walked as well, but I may never know and I have to face that. So do you. You may never know. Sad I know.

Now to you lonely ladies, maybe its time to get out of you comfort zone. If I can walk into a bar where I do not know a soul and sing kareoke or however you spell that, yall can do anything. By the way I can't sing.

Two and a half years ago, when I seperated from my husband, most of my friends were married, so I found a little sports bar where I would go ALONE for a few happy hour drinks. I got to know the bartenders and in time, the regulars. Now I have a whole new group of friends and a lot of them are men who respect me and have been calling me and making sure I am alright because although they don't know the details, they know Mark and they see he is not around anymore. The moral of this story is, I have been to cookouts, a race, and many other things all because one day I stepped out of my comfort zone.

I have the book the secret, maybe I need to find it, but that is what I was thinking exactly. Bring the positive energy from the universe to me throught the power of my mind.

Ok Girls its Friday, go out and have some fun and lets come back here and talk about positive things that have happened to us. Lets try to end our pity parties one day at a time, Lord knows I have had enough of them.

um. hullo from london town ;-) i'm new so i hope you won't mind me jumping in right here as this no contact thread is an awesome idea.

earlier tonight i was very tempted to text a man and this has helped me remember that not being in contact is the only way to handle these emotions.

the guy i am not contacting is not an ex. he was a close friend who i wanted to be with as a lover, but neither of us had ever made a move. from my side, this was because i was still in the process of finalising my divorce and i didn't want anything to happen til it was over. But I hoped the day would come when we would be together. Then one day I found out he actually had a girlfriend, who he had never told me about... not ever mentioned once during hours of late night texting and chatting and MSN, going out for drinks, having lunch together, clubbing, general hanging out.

when i found out i had nothing more to do with him from that day (although I have texted him once or twice when I weakened). I didn't fight with him or even explain why I was no longer seeing him. That felt like weakness to me. But because i never had my say, the lack of closure has been hard. the idea that there is no such thing as closure, or at least that you won't get it from the guy, is really powerful.

so, anyway, i am starting to see this as a bullet dodged. i will never become the woman he doesn't tell some other woman about. and he was never into me anyway. but i still miss him and the connection I thought we had. So thanks laydeez for preventing me from texting him again and opening the wound, or giving him a chance to ignore me!

I'm in the same boat as Softandsweet. I don't have a lot of close friendships and the loneliness is practically unbearable. My ex was my best friend and all of his friends were the only friends I really had. I moved out of his house close to three months ago and am now completely alone. I have two cats but no children. I appreciate what Robin said about "stepping outside your comfort zone," but that can be damn hard when you're as ridiculously shy as I am! I just got home from a rough day at work and would love to go out and have a nice, cold beer, but I'm just too shy to go by myself... I struggle every night with not contacting my ex because of this stuggle; I just want someone to hang out with again. Anyway, I'm getting through it and haven't contacted him once in 21 days. I have booze, cigarettes, this website, netflix, and plenty of reading material to thank for that, but my question is this... if I end up alone for a looooong time, which I'm assuming I will since I am too shy to go out and meet new people, will this unbearable lonliness ever go away? Will I ever be happy just being by myself?

Hi, my name is Smitten and I am only on day 2. :( I fell off the wagon on Wednesday after no contact for a week when he called me frantic about his son. I almost gave in to him but he showed me his true colors that day in a hurry which has actually cured some of the pre-existing heartache. Nothing like a big dose of "he's just not that into you" to give your head a good shake. Thank you RobinInCarolina for starting this inspirational and supportive thread. Great idea! :)

Hi Audrey,

You are right about the hurt feelings, Thats what I find hard to over come...My feelings are so hurt, that I keep thinking about every
think that took place, and his actions..

I was reading about the way men think, and I dont understand about the 8 weeks..Is that a fact?

What would make a man say he's thinks about you alot, and says I miss you,but pulls away..The truth is I broke up with him, but he had already had broken up with me 3 months ago, but did not see it...

Crap... I got just texted him for "closure." 21 days down the drain. Someone just shoot me now.