I have had two abusive marriages, and when I have dated, they have almost always been only after one thing, which I will not do. My body goes where my heart goes.

24 years ago (in between my marriages) I fell in love with a man and we were good friends also. Things happened and I moved away. Two months ago, he found me via Facebook and we have picked up our friendship. At first he was calling me a lot and texting me a lot. He said that he loved me back then but the timing was wrong.

I am living in one state and he is 1,300 miles away. He said that he would like to see me, but as he is trying to get a business going, and has two teenagers to raise, he cannot get away. He invited me to his house sometime. I want to lose more weight before I go there because I am very overweight. I did not care about myself before because of the abuse, but now I do. I know it wouldn't matter to him, because he is always joking about the weight he has gained.

He is raising his two teenagers, grocery shops, cooks meals for them, cleans, and is trying to get his business going. He is a gentlemen and always says wonderful things to me. The chemistry is still there even over the phone and it is so strong. I have to move soon because I have to do an internship for my counseling license and I want to be in the state that I am going to be licensed in. He said that he would like me to move up there close to him, but he doesn’t want me to move just for him. I wouldn’t do that anyways.

He says he does not want to say anything to me that might lead me on or hurt me, but he always talks about how nice it would be to hold me and kiss me again (and other things). He has had two bad relationships also, and feels like he can’t do things right in a relationship. He also says that it takes all he has to take care of his business and his kids and it doesn’t give him time for a relationship with someone. He says that he would love to make love to me again, but our friendship is much more important than the sexual side of it, even though our chemistry is so extremely strong even after all of these year.

I am always very supportive and encouraging to him, and I know he desires me very much. We can also tell each other everything and work things out communication wise. The thing is, lately he says he will call but he usually falls asleep and doesn’t. On the few times that I have called him, he is always very upbeat and very happy to hear from me. It hurts to wait for him to call. He is an excellent person and I don’t want to lose any part of him. He tells me how wonderful I am and how proud of me he is for all that I have gone through and overcome, and calls me endearing words. He is concerned about how things are going with me and my adult children.

I asked him what he wanted from me one time and he said that he wanted my close friendship, to be available to talk to him when he needed it, and if possible to make love when we can be together. But he says the close friendship is the most important to him.

I just don’t know what to do. I am hurt because he falls asleep before he calls me, (I am sure he can spare other times to call me quickly), or he could text me quick like he was doing and then stopped. I know I over text him, and have stopped. He said he didn’t mind, but I did. I want him to show me that he thinks of me.

I got a little jealous over a picture on his profile page and politely questioned him about it. He said it was his best friends wife and well, you know how I felt. I read the whole thing wrong. He said that since we don’t have a sexual relationship we are not exclusive right now so even if he did see someone I shouldn’t be upset. He said it didn't bother him that I was a little jealous, but he didn't understand it. I asked him if he would be jealous if I saw someone else and he said no because if it made me happy he would be happy. That hurt badly, but I didn't tell him, but he sensed it.

But if he even thought about a possible future relationship with me, how we he want me to jeopardize that by seeing someone else? He has told me that he is not a one-night stand type of person and he is loyal after that. He also said that he just doesn’t sleep with anyone who comes along.

I am so confused. How do I get him to pay more attention to me? It hurts to wait for him. If he wants to be with me like he says, why would he not mind if I was with someone else? It doesn’t make sense. I don’t know what to do other than just backing off from him, taking care of my own life’s needs, and waiting to see what happens with him. I have not loved anyone else since him, and I don’t see that changing. I have tried other relationships, even another marriage, and it has always been him I love. We are soulmates.

His last relationship he says she was just like me. He even says I would like her because we are so alike. I told him we are not alike because she left him and I wouldn’t have if I knew he loved me. He says he cares very much for me but he doesn’t want to say anything else because he is so overwhelmed with everything in his life right now and he doesn’t want to make me promises he might not be able to keep.

Sorry this is so long. What do you suggest?