holy bejeebus, yes that is a deal breaker for me for sure. Robin! You are too classy for that behavior, I don't like it, it is rude and to do it on a first date!!!!

Argh!

I have broken through to the other side but royally screwed up my second date by sleeping with the guy, however, even if the buy who I now like does not call...at least I am done with Simon, aka, a*hole.
;)

I know. What a shame, how do you tell a guy you can't go out with him because he chews snuff.

Divina, just keep that attitude, next. There will be a next. I hate having to plow through these men all over again.

Dropping a guy that chews snuff? Seems like that would be one of the easier things to do! HA!

Just don't go on a second date with the guy, really, your time is precious.

:)
I am serious!

Also be sure to follow the DWD rules and go out with a few guys, that way we will not get too obsessed with any one man.

:)

Oh, don't worry about that, I have more than one hook in the water.

Hi Everyone,
I've been away for Labor Day weekend and had a wonderful time with friends. CHILLAXING!!!
Well, my GF listened to swiss miss' B-Day voice mail to me and started to tear. She said that he definitely cares for me and that I should have called him before he starts his business travel again. More positive feedback from her...
Then my cousin drops by and she listened to it as well. Her opinion was quite the opposite - she thought he was stringing me along - a push-pull kni d of thing.

Either way I haven't heard from him and if he doesn't try harder then, I guess, my cousin is right. Not enough effort and so I stay in No Contact.

We have confirmation for four FREE rooms in AC Oct 23-25 from Sonny.
Jump over to the AC thread if you are interested in coming, OK?

Auds xoxox

Duplicate post.

Buitifil.....Thanks for the warm welcome back and the warning about those Mojitos! Too late, I finished off the bucket last night!

Will go to the "ugly" thread you started if I can find it, that would be a great place to post "their" alter egos (the name list).

Robin....thanks for the new thread, we must keep the first archived.....we will need it later (hint, hint).

Got the good word on the rooms in A/C, I'm envisioning a check in my mailbox that will pay for my flight so I can win a huge jackpot and buy a laptop so I can start my reading business and my foundation and send my daughter to Ohio State in 12 years......better be a BIG jackpot!

Hope you all are having a great day, been a while since the Calvary had to talk someone off of the ledge.....that's a good thing!

Robin...
Please don't go out on a second date...First Date Snuff...second date be prepared for gas passing!

Question for ya...about the N/C before I get into detail with the "NEW" guy.
I am well over 30 days of me NOT contacting the jerk...but he still contacts me (just last night while sitting on my porch with the new guy) I got a txt from the jerk.

I want to make sure I have graduated!!

I think you have graduated Widow Mom!!!!

This may be a stupid question, but how do we archive that thread?

oh, Robin... you mean you didn't give him a kiss!!!!!!?????????LOL.. this is comical. He was honest about it though. Didn't wait until the 10h date to let you know. I will give him that, as gross as chewing is, it's worse to lie.

He did give me a quick kiss, when he was leaving, just bam, quickie on the lips. Oh my goodness.

Have you heard from him since Robin?

BTW I also love the pop ups!! Good Job!

OH MY: Getting the shi$ scared out of me BIG TIME!
Met the NEW guy last Tuesday and we have been together everynight, until tonight...He is everything I have been looking for...Attentive, kind, consitant, leaving me in his life 100%..NO SEX (not even close)...I have met his kids, he has met 2 of mine...my daughter likes him says he is genuine and his motives are in order. (I have known him for along time)
Anyway last night I told him I am a gal that like "ME" time and I do not want to be with someone all the time, so I told him nope tonight is mine and "ALL" mine.
We just got off the phone and he told me that he missed me and was falling for me!

Help me....I don't think I am ready for this Journey after what is his name!

But I do NOT wanna lose the New Guy either....

widow mom,

Just slow down. Thats all. Don't panic. Slow down.

Robin, I don't have a lot of deal-breakers, but the snuff would be one of them.

I can't imagine kissing someone who had all that stuff in their mouth, and the spitting would make me want to barf!

Where have you been cattoy? Its been a long time! Yes its a deal breaker.

Widow Mom, pace it, just pace it. Don't do the everynite thing. Its not healthy. I know exactly what you mean. The next man in our lives could very well be a rebound. Recognize that. Embrace it, I plan on embracing everything in my life from here on out.

Hi Widow Mom, I agree with everone on this. Slow down the pace. You first need to know how much "ME time" feels comfortable to you.

Let him know that he can call anytime. See if he calls first thing in the morning, during work.... at 2am. That will let you know alot about him.

See how he fills his void - if he has any hobbies, interests or alone time.

Remember, you need to be independent before you two become co-dependent.

Auds:))))) xoxoxox

When we spend every night with a man, it will move way too fast and we will be right back where we were. Fill life with other things. Thats how I ended up married, he just had to see me everynight and I did not have time to breath and see exactly what was going on, I was losing myself in him. 6 years later, I missed me something terrible and had to get out. I will never ever do that again. I love me too much, I love my friends and my life, all of it together make it full.

Snuff man has not called again yet, so keep your fingers crossed. Going on date tonight with the queit one. Looking forward to it, he moves slowly, and I like it like that, also does not appear to be an emotional retard. I like our talks, even if I do have to pull the words out of him sometimes.

Robin, quiet guy sounds normal. Healthy. Very very healthy. Nice! Enjoy!!!

Robin...I have no earthly idea how to archive a thread...we need to find out, maybe Paige will need to give some permissions or something. Only other way is to copy and paste. Maybe we should all go into our listing of posts and copy and paste what we wnt to save, on our own computers......I know, I don't have one...yet.

Widow Mom....that is what I refer to a 24/7 up your ass relationship.......been there done that and they don't work.

Take your time and don't be too available, it will kill the thrill of the chase. Enjoy the anticipation of waiting until you see each other again and going out on a date.

I'm heading over to ugliville and then N/C 1 and see if I can catch back up. Damn what a crappy day it turned out to be, for me anyway and it had nothing to do with no name, he's the last thing on my mind right now, that's for sure.

Oh here we go....Got home from work and there was a Dozen Red Roses.

This guy is "smothering me" I like it don't get me wrong...I have never met a nicer man...My grandaughter LOVES him...my daughter really likes him. I am telling him I need me time....he is just NOT getting it...

I don't wanna lose him yet: How can I make him understand??

And yes I am still thinking of the ex "LOTS"

Any Advice?

I should post the hand written note he had attached to the flowers..

His kids M/23 and F/20 both called me today just to chat!

It is just tooooo fast, will not have a problem with this new guy IF I can get him to slow down!

Help Me!

Widow Mom -- You've got to tell this guy you love the roses, they're so thoughtful and you are so flattered. Tell him that you're concerned that the relationship is moving too fast and it scares you. Tell him the truth. Ask him to please slow it down because you don't want to mess up a good thing.

If he cares about you, he'll listen.

My experience is that a guy who rushes is is trying to cover something up.

A guy who does that is doing it so that you'll be all his before you discover his shortcomings.

He wants to call you all his before you can bail on him.

That's just my experience.

Enjoy the attention, but put your foot down in a gentle way.

Tell him the truth, in a Goddess way.

Soon, Widow Mom, really soon.

Pick up the phone and call him to thank him for the roses tomorrow and tell him then.

Widow Mom,

Yes, Annalisa has a point. My ex husband to be as I said did me like that, I never had time to figure anything out because he was always there, courting so well. Next thing ya know, I was married. I remember standing in front of a Christmas tree exchanging vows and a little voice in my head kept asking me what the he!! was I doing.

When you tell him to slow down, you are going to see his true colors, thats for sure. I hope he does not go physo on you, but don't be surprised.

The slow is so much better. The quiet guy came and picked me up last night and we went for dinner and drinks, I have not seem him since Friday. He walked in and gave me a sweet kiss and a very big long hug. He does not smother me, and it is so nice. His quiet little ways tickle me. So dick???? dick who???? Its like nite and day, and in a good way.

Oh Robin, like night and day...and I'm so happy for you that you are in the daylight and coming out of that dark place, darling!

Widow Mom, this guy is calling all the shots for whatever his reason is. That's the bottom line. It makes me feel like I did with little snippets of being on the same page with swiss miss.... but those snippets were so fantabulous that it left me yearning for more.

You don't want to give him up, WM, he's got some good qualities but it's just that he's too clingy, moving too fast, making you uncomfortable.... LISTEN! What is all that showing you? What are these actions showing you? What type of men are you attracting?
Keep dating, WM. Keep him around but keep dating...

Auds xoxox

Widow Mom -- Red flags, girl, red flags!!!! Watch those red flags!!! He's showing you that he's desperate.

Didn't you say before you went out on the first date that he looks like Bozo? You were a bit concerned about that. Remember? I will never forget that.

Then you went on the date and were smitten.

That's how it usually works with these guys. They aren't much to look at and they know it, so they have to pull all the stops.

I speak from experience.

I sent you a photo of guitar guy, remember?

However, he did not smother me at all. He went slowly and really paced himself. It was my second husband who smothered the air out of me.

He was not good looking.

But he was a real charmer and roses, nice dinners, world trips, you name it. Every single day after his surgeries, he would pop over and romance me. I had no room for myself. No room to think about who this man really was. He gave me no chance to do that. Why? Because if he did, I would have realized that I was with a disordered creature... a man incapable of sitting with himself. A man so desperate for a woman that he had to cling to me with all his life so that he could capture me and hold me hostage and know that I was his possession. "Good, stay there, Annalisa, in your beautiful cage, while I go out and womanize behind your pretty little back."

Just claim some space, Widow Mom.

Running too fast is never good.

All the relationship books will tell you.

Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura will tell you the same.

Robin and I will tell you.

We lived it.

It's never good.

Robin -- things are sounding really good for you!!! I love it!

Auds -- you sound good too!

My dark days are over. Gone. Yall hold down the calvary this weekend, I am headiing to the beach tommorow with 6 wild and crazy women. No men, no kids, just us girls and I can't wait.

I promise, there is life after whats his name. When you reach that crossroad and its staring you in the face and you know you have to finally let go. Say Goodbye one last time, whether silent or if you feel the need to tell him just say goodbye, turn and walk away and never look back. That is when you know in your heart it is over. It is done, it is finished. When you don't care what he thinks anymore, it is over. I don't care. I don't care if he marries someone else tomorrow. I will just be thankful it was not me.

Freedom can feel good, to be free from that which pains your heart.

Robin has so many men and so little time: Let's see there's dick, Snuff man and the quiet one. Nevermind, it's huntin' season, yall!
Off she goes again to the beach with 6 wild and crazy women.

Auds xoxox

who's dick?

So glad to hear it Robin!

Hunting season, I love it!

Robin....isn't dick Mayor of Emotionless Ville?

Hola, Annalisa!
Sipster, October is just weeks away. Woot! Woot!
Robin. You are second only to BS...Barbra! Funny Girl!
Auds xoxooxooxxx
I LOVE MY NEW FRIENDS:))))

Sip,

He should be, thats for sure. But I am ready to cut him completely, so I don't want him anywhere near my ville!!!!!

Life After What's His Name has been interesting, hasn't it? I have chosen to stay on DWD and withdraw from older friends. Seems that I made the right choice:
I have a very bossy GF that uses, "I say it like I see it" - as her motto! I got my hand slapped virtually on FB yesterday. I called her earlier but she never called back -- BUT she DID comment on FB. Hmmm!

That's a control issue that I've come across before. Texting is a subtle form of control that speaks volumes - it says I am going to speak my mind and you have nothing to say about it. Period.

I wonder if SM's suggested reading addresses that.
Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay by Dr. Mira Kirshenbaum.

I carefully removed that FB comment from her Wall; just pressed DELETE and poof it was gone. I will not call her since she did not return my call. I'll treat her with a bit of distance even if I'm alone this weekend. I've known her for years but she's losing her friendship status one baby step at a time. As I've said before, I will not tolerate bad behavior.
Auds xoxox

Hi Audrey,
I had the same problem with an old friend from high school. We had always stayed in touch. But recently through my breakup she got even more controlling than usual. I decided to not contact her anymore. I didn't delete her from facebook but I'm sure she deleted me as I can't see any of her comments on my wall anymore. No loss there. She used to be fun to hang out with but then she'd get into one of those "I know best" moods and in order not to be confrontational, all I would say was "yeah, you're right..." just to appease her. Not worth the trouble.

Robin and the Calvary,

Why archive that NC thread? Why not just rename it (take your NAME off it Robin...) and leave it for the newbies. Call it "No Contact - stage #1 Days 1-30. Day 1-30 is def. an important time and needs support. Day 30+ is a different life. But you can't get to day 30 without that other thread.

On the way home from my kid's hockey practice last night I heard Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" on the high school radio station. And I almost wrecked the car. I know. I know. Cliche' But the words are amazing if you take the time to listen to them. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I.

I can just see all you gals, gussied up to the hilt in your goddess gowns and tieras, dancing and laughing to this song in the casino dancefloor in AC. Plain as day. A great big bootie shaking NC party night! Dance till you drop!

Here's some other's collected from NC #1 thread. I'm sure there are more.

Tupac Shukar's "Keep Your Head Up"
Jay Giles Band "Love Stinks"
Bon Jovi "You Give Love a Bad Name"
Marina McBride "Happy Girl"
Sugarland "Settlin'"

Come on gals. Make a memory! (I bet there's a profit in this too. A break-up anthology. Hmmmm.) An alternative to all those sappy love songs on the radio that just tweak your last nerve on days #1-30.

SZ

PS. What about Aretha Franklin's RESPECT? So many songs, so little time.

Studio....we arleady discussed a soundtrack....seriously..That would be a great soundtrack too!

Would love to go through and get the songs in the NC #1 thread, just the titles and see how many CDs we'd have to put them on.

Had another one contact me from Match last night. Good looking, could only see part of his profile so I looked today on the real computer and his P.S. on his profile says "no tattoos or body piercings please"......guess I'm out....oh well, his loss cuz all of mine represent a stepping stone in my life that made me who I am.....silly man.

Have a good night girls!

Forgot another interesting little tidbit about match guy. He has the same first name as no name...must be an omen!

I send him an email thanking him for the interest and admitting my obvious flaws (tats and piercings) and also noted that I have 2 kids, one at home and his profile notes he has none, doesn't want none and his perfect match has none

He emails me back and says thank you for being honest about my artwork and that he's sure I'm a nice person, he's just old fashioned that way. He goes on to say that misinturpreted his "kids" required and that they are okay.............as a matter of fact he's dating a woman right now that has 4 kids living at home!

No wonder he's on match.....wonder if his current knows he's still looking?

What a putz!

Okay, gotta go gals.. my daughter is cheering with the hig school squad at the home game opening tonight. Time for my undivided attention.

Have a great night!

sip -- your match prospect sounds like he belongs in emotionlessville even before he got in your front door! What an idiot!!!!

Robin!! LOL...LOL...LOL...LOL....LOL! You should have borrowed some snuff and spit it in his bucket!!

Hi Goddesses! Went to a singles event tonight at a very cool, swanky rooftop bar. Had a great time! The guys were just okay. I ended up talking to some really nice Brazilian gals and had a great time with them.

I got home and noticed two text messages from Airport Guy. A guy I dated before Guitar Guy.

He: "I see you!"

several minutes later:

He: "Are you still on the roof?"

too funny! I don't check my phone when I'm at a bar.

He must have been with a date or something, since he couldn't just walk up and say hi.

He e-mails me almost every day. Calls some times.

No, he's not an ex who broke my heart or anything.

I think he's more of a casual relationship kind of guy, which is why I ended it the first time. Always talks about how great I was physically and how he'd like to revisit that.

How about how he'd like my company?

Or how he misses my wit and intelligence?

No. He just misses my body.

And he actually tells me so.

Geez.

But he was one good looking cutie. Very, very smart and very successful.

Robin, he did pay his phone bill! :)

A CFO.

(For the record, no, I do NOT accept his invitations to revisit my body. I let him talk and then tell him to re-read the story I wrote him and unload his gun by himself. Then he e-mails me and tells me I'm wonderful. It was great.)

Whare is Shiana....she certainly has passed her 30 day mark and has earned the honor to come on over to NC 2. Better head over to NC 1 and she how's she is doing.

Annalisa.......idiot is right but I was thinking of just sending him staight to Jacka$$ County as a "Ville" is too small for all of them, they need an entire county to hold all those egos!

Sipster, what's the current population in Jacka$$ County?...lol
Auds xoxox

Ananalisa, "For the record, no, I do NOT accept his invitations to revisit my body. I let him talk and then tell him to re-read the story I wrote him and unload his gun by himself. Then he e-mails me and tells me I'm wonderful. It was great.)

That CFO said that in an e-mail...just GREAT!
Mine "at least" called me and thanked me for the LONG and LOVELY letter. (There was hell to pay, he thought - I'm sure!)
They are all morons!
Auds xoxox

P.S. Brings to mind an old song: Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name...

LOL!! There you are...at it again! Never lose that sense of humor, it is a Godsend. I would be not much of anything without it too.

Audrey -- No, Airport Guy tells me in IMs, text messages and on the phone that he loves the story I wrote him. Then he asks me when I'm going to publish my book. He just loves the way I write. Insists I need to quit my day job and write for a living. Said I was made to write.

I wrote him a racy story once about us meeting on the ski slopes and then...

And he re-reads it all the time.

It's his "thing."

He's a great skier and so am I.

He was on a ski trip with the guys for a week when I sent it to him. Guess it had a huge impact. I don't doubt that he passed the story around either.

Who cares.

Glad he gets his jollies off on it.

I've never written any of my other men a story like that.

Except my ex-husband, the surgeon. I used to write him little stories every day and put them in his lunch bag for work. One day he accidentally left a story in the doctors' lounge and boy, did it get some comments. Luckily it didn't have either of our names on it!

Speaking of writing... I wrote swiss miss a poem a few years ago.
I think it was Christmas in 2003 that I let him read it. He gently took it from me and with a look tried to slip it into his pocket.

I took it away from him... He didn't get to see it until Christmas 2006 when I had it printed on beautiful paper and placed it in a decorated green folder. It was the year I told him that I was over him, I had to be.

I took some words from some old songs and made the story into our own. He said he wanted to frame it. The cost was under $4.00 but priceless.

So, you see, when a man says that they don't read a long letter like the one I sent to swiss miss...hehehe... think again.
He read my letter...EVERY WORD.

I'll go one step further and say that he thinks of me every time the moon is full...
Auds xoxox