Is My Online Match Worth Meeting In Person, Or Should I Run NOW?
Fri Aug 14 2009 - 11:00 am
Dear Paige,
I am a 51 year old divorcee, and recently I met a man (53 years old and divorced) online who seems to be a really great guy. We are still in the getting-to-know-you stage, and so far I’m really impressed with how understanding and caring he seems to be. He also has a great sense of humor and lots of charm. In fact, he appears to be everything I’ve ever looked for in a man.
We live over 1000 miles apart and have not met in person, which to me has proven to be a good thing because I feel that we are getting to know each other without the distraction of intimacy, which when introduced too soon in a relationship can cause us to overlook danger signs that suggests that the person you’re interested in might not be all that they seem. All we have been able to do IS talk; and we’ve done quite a bit of that. He seems to be open and honest because he has told me both good and not so good things about himself. He doesn't seem to be trying to impress me with lots of hype that I have gotten from other men I've met.
Through these honest talks,though, I’ve learned something that makes me very wary: He has started a new career, one that does not come with a definite income, but one that requires networking to recruit others into the business. I have worked hard to become financially stable (not wealthy, by any means), and I have a definite income coming in, which makes me feel secure.
I’m cautious of becoming involved with a man who does NOT have a definite income. At the same time, however, he seems to be the best guy that I have met in years.
I have been divorced for 24 years, and I’ve longed to meet a good man and settle down again. My question is, is his not having a steady, reliable income a red flag? I am still at a stage where I can leave the relationship without being too devastated because I am taking things slowly anyway since we have not met in person. Lately, though, we have begun to discuss doing so.
So Paige, do you think this guy is even worth meeting in person? Or should I run NOW?!!!
Thanks in advance,
Springtime
Sat Aug 15 2009 - 07:04 am
#2
I don't think it could hurt to meet him....but if he knows you have a stable income, then please be financially wary, that on some level, he's not trying to get you to invest too.
If you go into this with the sure knowledge that you will not give any money into his business, under any circumstances, then this will help you to see his true worth. I think you'd be best advised too, to just drop a few subtle hints...imply that your money is tied up and you don't have any spare disposable income...that sort of thing. I realise this is being way, way, over-cautious, but just on the off chance this guy is looking for an investor rather than a partner, this might help. :-)
Tue Aug 25 2009 - 06:23 pm
#3
Hey there, I think it's awesome that he's got the fortitude to build his own business. If he's smart, self-motivated, has a positive mindset, knows what he wants, and stays focused on the outcome, then he'll end up surpassing your income anyway, no problem.
If you like him meet him but if you are focused on wanting the illusion that a man working 9 to 5 brings then date a man doing that. It depends on what kind of mindset you want and what kind of life you want. 9 to 5 is very limited, and it is not at all "secure". I'd date the man you wrote about, absolutely. But YOU must follow your own gut and go with what feels the best to YOU. Then you'll have the best outcome for your own life. :)
Enjoy! :)
Tue Sep 08 2009 - 11:01 am
#4
You're not marrying the guy tomorrow. So what if he's not financially stable because he's embarking on a new business venture? Good for him! It takes balls to take a risk like that. This does not constitute a red flag. A red flag in this instance would be if he were hitting you up for money for this business of his.
A little TMI: I was once in a longterm relationship with a man who, oftentimes, had no steady income to speak of. Guess what? He's now the creator of one of the biggest internet phenomenons of the last few years (not going to name names) and he's a billionaire. You never can tell.
So why don't you take a risk too and meet him?
Hi Springtime,
It's completely your decision and you're likely experienced enough in life to have aquired good judgement. If that is a red flag for you then perhaps forget it. It is important that you are financially stable - it is obvious that you will feel your best if you are not having to worry about when the next dollar is coming in. It would be unwise to put yourself in a position where a lot of uncertainty could be created.
But would there be any harm in just meeting this guy? It would certainly be an adventure! He may have truckloads of money in the bank and that is why he can afford to pursue this career of his. Perhaps find out a bit more before making a definite decision.