My boyfriend is interviewing for a job in another stste
Sun Nov 22 2009 - 11:01 am
I have been dating my boyfriend for just over 2 years. He lives an hour away from me now. Over the summer he mentioned a fabulous job opportunity in another state. Naturally I was excited....however, he told me to relax...he wasn't asking me to marry him!! We discussed the move and what it meant to him and his children-they are 16 and 21 and live with his ex. Fast forward to this week, he tells me he is going to check this job out.....BUT, as I got upset because I'm remembering that conversation over the summer...I'm thinking if he can handle his children situation, he's leaving.....he tells me it's not about us. That he doesn't want it to be the pinnacle of our relationship. What does that mean???? He asked to wait and discuss this opportunity when he returns from his trip. He said I am waaay ahead of him... I told him I don't want to lose him, he said the feeling's mutual....and listen, we are not in our 20's here.... I am confused. Any thoughts ladies????
Sun Nov 22 2009 - 11:02 am
Oh yeah, he also said it doesn't change how he feels about me.
Mon Nov 23 2009 - 02:48 am
Gabriela...it sounds like nothing is changing between the two of you except for distance and it also sounds like this is an opportunity that he is finding hard to pass up. How far away will he be after the move?
Tue Nov 24 2009 - 08:26 am
He will be a plane ride away. Could it work if he gets the job? Sure. We can certainly fly back and forth.... He has a daughter to consider, I'm sure that is his primary concern. He has her 3 nights a week and they are very close. We have discussed the options he would need should this job become a reality. He would either want his daughter with him, or he would be flying up here a couple times a month to see her. I understand. I just am trying to sort through what this means to us...I have been speculating for months now... Everytime I asked about the job, he hadn't heard anything. When he did hear from them, I was having some issues with my son, and he didn't want to tell me about the job, he literally waited until the last minute....I was shocked. In my eyes, it's simple- I love you, you love me, if he gets the job, we are in this together.... but, I have to wait until he returns to talk about it. Oh, and in person, which means after the holiday....another 5 days!!!!!!
Mon Nov 30 2009 - 07:04 am
I am in a long distance relationship and have made the mistake of trying to communicate important issues over the phone. It does NOT work. Only make it worse, trust me. Even skype with webcam is not good enough and you cant hug each other if you need comfort.
Face to face is the only safe way to communicate properly about the hard stuff so do yourself a favor and wait the five days till he gets home and you can discuss this over a cup of tea.
Also, to push a man is never good. I know its a hard wait, but be glad that he wants to talk this over (men usually hate it) and be grateful when he does (reward him). He will greatly appreciate this and remember for the future that he can talk to you.
Good luck and keep yourself busy with work or other things until he is ready to talk.
Tue Dec 01 2009 - 02:41 am
Hmmm. I am not trying to be a negative nelly here, but I think it is kind of a red flag that he waited until the last minute to tell you about this potential out-of-state move. When you are with someone for 2 years and you love them, my feeling is that you shouldn't just TELL them you're interviewing for a job out of state, but consult with the other person about the opportunity and what it means to the relationship.
In my experience, long-distance relationships almost never work. Unless it is for a pre-determined period (ie. one person goes off to war, or one person is moving to be with the other, and there might be some months where they will be apart.)
If I were you, I would be very wary of getting into a LDR with someone who has not professed intentions to marry you, and who will very possibly be starting a brand new life in a new state. I did this once and it was a big mistake. Absence did not make either of our hearts grow fonder and we ended up breaking up over the phone after a 5 year relationship. And then he got engaged 3 months later to some girl he met while he was travelling a lot on business. Hmmm...I wonder how long they'd been seeing each other while we were still dating...and I spent 5 years with no ring. What a waste!
Also, the fact that he has not been open to talking about the job with you, and now you have to wait until he gets back, concerns me a bit. I'm not trying to worry you or make you suspicious, but it sounds like he's possibly hiding something.
I think that when he gets back, he's probably going to have a talk with you himself, especially if the job interview goes well. You've been together for 2 years. I don't think you should hesitate to ask what this move means for your relationship. Don't get suckered into a deal where you get the short end of the stick. If he's not asking to marry you, and to have you move with him, but wants to move to another state but still have the convenience of seeing you when he comes back into town to see his daughter....don't become a long-distance booty call, is all I'm saying. You have the right to tell him what you want and need.
Tue Mar 09 2010 - 11:03 am
trust me! you have known him for 2 years and that s enough time to understand about his personality or about the chemistry between the two of you. do not give up just because of the distance.
LDRs is not as bad as we have thought and it can not kill the relationship if we really want to work it out.Im from Vietnam and my bf from Montreal, there is 8558 miles between us. and we still survive. Be strong! here are many ladies to share and to help you. hugs
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