Mothers and daughters
Sat Sep 26 2009 - 02:34 pm
I have been spending an awful lot of time reading the threads here and sometimes been moved to tears because of the pain but also the strength of the women here. It has very much made me think of how we have learnt of how to behave in relationships and whether or not our mothers were the original natural DWD girls.
My Mum certainly is and I am forever grateful for her inspirational pearls of wisdom that she habitually dropped coupled with the great relationship I witnessed her have with my Dad. They have been together for well over 50 years and though they are very different, they love and actually still fancy each other immensely. My Dad is a ridiculously good-looking man, but never once during their 50 years together did my Mum have any reason to be worried about his wandering eye or any of this rubbish. But then again, my Mum IS pretty great and my Dad is crazy about her.
My Mum’s typical pearls of wisdom:
1) never take an interest in a man who hasn’t shown interest in you (typical DWD);
2) in the dating phase a man has to feed you, if it goes well, you will have plenty of opportunity to cook for him;
3) it is not a good idea to do everything your man tells you to;
4) never show a man that you are heartbroken over him. I remember my sister’s first boyfriend got married and invited her to his wedding. My Mum made her a most beautiful dress (you know the kind that makes you feel pretty and you just want to skip), my sister went to the wedding, felt and looked fantastic and had the best night.
Unfortunately none of my Mum's pearls involved insights into internet dating :)
I would love to hear whether you felt your mothers taught you how to date without drama. If you have daughters yourself, do you teach them?
Mon Sep 28 2009 - 05:42 pm
My parents were together till they died. They were best friends and intallectuals. Both good looking, both from wealthy families who met in the navy.Mum would often critisise me but I can see now why she said some things. My dad was old school, we had to stand when mum came in the room, never swear and ask her if we could start our meal.Mum was a shocking flirt and never a strong person.I was closer to my Dad but not sure why!
Dad taught me I guess how women should be treated
Mum told me not to throw myself away
That EMPTY CANS MAKE THE MOST NOISE
she told me I would find love but I looked in the wrong places
and that girls who drank and stayed out late would look old when they were 30
and she said life was hard and to grab the moments of happiness with both hands
My daughter I encouraged to be her best and to go for her goals. I told her not to throw herself away too. I also taught her to SHOP!
Sun Sep 27 2009 - 01:27 pm
My mum still advises me when i have a date, not to drink too much and just have them as a friend to begin with, but i always mess up, i am the black sheep i guess!
Sun Sep 27 2009 - 04:23 pm
My mother taught me dedication... but distance too... two interesting aspects to find as a pair.
I KNOW that when children come into this world they are the new and ready to improve - versions of ourselves. They lead us into the future - literally by the way in which we have to meet THEIR needs. If we can do this despite our (some) societal 'changes' then we are indeed developing ourselves.
My daughter learns a lot, the main ability that tends to shine at the moment is confidence in her self worth... so I'm hoping this continues into these other areas of her life as she travels/ journeys through life. I'm pretty sure it will. :)
Tue Oct 06 2009 - 09:56 am
Hi wise_until_th..,
How lucky you are to have a mum like yours and what good advice she brings! At the contrary mine was absent during my childhood; either full of self-pity, unsatisfaction, ego or unkindness. Spoiled as she was when growing up she had learned tricks to get what she wanted, tricks how to get a man interested in her, picking everything there was to pick (with or without giving him sex in return)then trow him away. Hard words? I don't think so. You realize that this game has nothing to do with love. We, ordinary women are looking for love - from one man. You probably wont be surprised when I tell you that the first words my mother told me when I met my first boyfriend was: "Men are only after one thing?" Back then I didn't understand it, my boyfriend wasn't like that, and believe me, noone after him. Having a raw-model like my mum, life becomes difficult. Cold blooded parents may destroy you whole life. Look at Jane Fonda. I understand her so much and her too much looking good dad Henry, who made the mum take her life and scared away one or two step mothers. I ended up in a marriage with abuse and finally got out of it, no thanks to my mum, my sister helped me and my dear grandma who is not alive but the memory of her lightens up my life. Now I've finally found a man who is normal, loving, listeing and caring. I didn't think this was possible for me. Thank's to Paige Parkers datingwithoutdrama e-book I have learnt most of the tools to find a good man, making him dating me and hold on to me. Because I wanna keep him. When he discovered I was serious in my intentions he had either to take it or run away. He stayed. I am so grateful to Paige. Her advice has really heped me so I'm gonna tell the story about how me met him and how I made him go further on with me by handling the situation step by step.
Tue Oct 06 2009 - 05:49 pm
bornlola-
I like that expression - the empty cans make the most noise. never heard that expression before
Sun Oct 11 2009 - 06:14 pm
I never had a close relationship with my mother, but understand she had to be a wife, mother and herself during very hard times. I often think she could have done better, but believe she did the best she could with what she had.
Wed Oct 14 2009 - 01:54 am
I have two daughters. They are 8 and 10 years old, a little over 3 years ago I learned their dad was not only having an affair; he was also taking my girls to this so called friend of his and introducing her as his best friend. He wanted to live a double life and that's when I realized I needed to end my marriage not only for me but for them as well. I did not want my daughters to grow up thinking it was acceptable for a man to have a family and a "girlfriend" I loved my ex more than myself at the time. I later learned this was a great mistake. I did what I had to do, my daughters are very smart and understand why. They love their daddy to death but clearly undestand why Mami can't be with him. I believe my daughters have learned self respect from me. I must say I know have great self esteem and don't allow negativity in my life...
Thu Oct 29 2009 - 05:27 am
Great story Gigio. Full of strength, courage, dignity and guts! Your daughters are truly lucky to have such a great mother!
Wed Jan 06 2010 - 08:38 pm
My parents have been married for over 50 years. I saw many hard times and struggles with the two of them and could feel the doubts they had on occasion. They taught me that relationships are work and if you truly love each other you do the work. My husband and I were married for 27 years and through a whole lot a life, ups and downs, ins and outs I always looked and thought of him like the day I married him. He's deceased now died at 47 years old due to his hard living. The last date I had I was at 18 years old, I had no idea how to date! Paige's e-book and e-mails have absolutely taught me to honor myself and my individuality first, I'm so grateful I've found her.
Sun Jan 17 2010 - 12:45 pm
Great topic. No, my mother did not share any pearls of wisdom with me and she did not provide a good example for my sister and I. She is a good person, but she is an enabler and does not take care of herself first in meaningful ways.
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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