"MOTHER"
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 01:43 pm
So, I had a horrible weekend.... (Let me know if any of you need the background on the bf and I)
This weekend was horrible... I feel awful! (Trying to make a long story short)
Let me give you a little idea of where this started. The other day my bf was leaving to denver for a coaching clinic. When him and i go away for the weekends, I usually am the one who packs all the hygiene stuff. So before he leaves i ask.. "hey did you get your tooth brush?" and he responds "YES MOTHER!" I get caught off guard and i say.."Gee just didnt want you to forget it"
That whole weekend i backed off and didnt text or bugg him. (I wanted him to miss me!) Things worked out great he came back and we were back to normal.
So this past thursday... I msg him casually and say.."what are you doing?" His response: "drinking" so i say oh, with who? he replies to me and says "i dont even know anymore?" So im like.. WHAT? what is he talking about? So i figured i'd just call... So i do.. before he answers i get a message saying "i cant tell you who she is!" So he answers and is laughing: Im like, hey what are you doing... and he's laughing and said that he was drinking and that the girl he was with wasnt supposed to be there so he cant tell me. (am i wrong but i was like why wouldnt you tell me?) So he finally tells me.. and its not even a big deal. I know this woman. so i say oh cool, well ill call after school. I call a bit after school and i ask " hey, did you have a good time with ***** ?" and his response was.. "YES MOTHER"
So at this point im really irratated... so i tell him.. Why are you saying that? Im not trying to "mother" you... I have a 3yr old! and im just asking a question im not trying to check up on you!? Soo we get over it...
So This weekend the bf and I were hanging out. Decided to go have a drinks with some friends. We both get really trashed.. He and this other guy that were there were talking about some music. So they both leave to the other room.. I ask one of the girls who lives there if she has gum.. so i follow her to the back room. He sees me and says.. "GET OUTTA HERE MOM!"
Im sorry but i was pissed off! we just talked about this! we left home and i BLEW UP... So bad that we were screaming our heads off.. I am so stupid.. But he asked me what he has ever done to make me feel like he's doing something wrong.. For those of you who remember my issue with "ANNA".. My big mouth slipped up... And told him all my issuses and concerns. I AM SO DUMB.. but it all came out! We have talked but i just feel so really embarassed and stupid! Some one help...
The whole "mother" thing pisses me off! But i feel like i opened a big can...
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 01:49 pm
Hey....oh oh, I feel bad for you. But I can totally understand where this is coming from. You are just at that stage in the relationship where you need to feel more secure perhaps and he is at the stage where he is getting a bit scared because he is either going to have to be all in or not.
I think he is just exerting his independence and not wanting to feel like he is trapped. You just have to make him see that being with you will not make him feel trapped. Sooo, I guess not asking those types of questions or letting him forget his own toothbrush may be one way to do this. Sounds silly, but we sometimes have to trick guys into thinking that we are very cool girlfriends. Not "mothering" is one way. Even though I know you weren't intentionally doing this, we have to intentionally go out of our way not to say or do anything that may make him feel that you are.
Kind of reverse psychology I guess....Have you spoken to him since the blow up??
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 01:58 pm
Hey margaret...
Im really upset today.
We talked but it was very quiet. He said he didnt remember even telling me "get outta here mom!" But i was embarrassed and pissed off! He said that the issue with "ANNA" can't obviously be fixed or resolved right then and there. I told him that i wanted to meet her so i can feel better about the situaion. I just dont feel "COMPLETE" like (unresolved)..we text a bit last night.. but not much. And he stayed at his house last night.
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 02:02 pm
I am so sorry this happened to you PartyG. I totally agree with Margaret. I am not familiar with your history, but sometimes we women just love our guys so much that we over do the nurturing thing.
He is being like a little kid just asserting his independence.
If it was me I would say "I am not your mother. Don't call me that." and walk away. But that is just me.
I am a big fan of giving the guy exactly what he wants as much as he can stomach. Margaret gave great advice. Let him be. If he forgets his toothbrush that is his responsibility not yours. Let him deal with it. Let him pack his own stuff and if he forgets something, he can buy it when he gets there.
If it were me I would take this as my cue to go into NC, but I am not familiar enough with your story to advise that
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 02:05 pm
I feel so stupid... But in a way, this was building up!
And i exploded...
We have not talked or messaged or anything today. And im going to leave it that way..and do my best to go about my day. Would you guys be pissed about the "MOTHER" comments? OR am i overreacting?
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 02:14 pm
In the context you describe, yes I find it most disrespectful and no you are not overreacting.
The first time it happened, ok whatever, but he said it twice more and in a way that was deliberately intended to hurt you, especially about that other girl. That is not ok. I am glad it turned out to be nothing, but he obviously has control issues, independence issues, whatever.
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 02:17 pm
I was mainly upset when he said: "You are trying to control my social life"
I feel like i cant even ask a question anymore :(
I explained to him how he sometimes playfully gives me the runaround.. and makes me wonder AND THATS NOT COOL FOR MY SELFMIND!?
He most definately has "INDEPENDANCE ISSUE'
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 03:16 pm
Hey PartyG.....can you fill me in on this Anna girl situation? Was she the girl he was having drinks with the other night when you called him?
I would also be pissed off about the "mother" comment. But he is obviously trying to send you a big message in a passive/aggressive way. You guys need to have a conversation about this but you have to be careful that it doesn't come across as stifling to him. You need to say that you just want to talk about why he called you "mothering". If you get there, just listen to him and hear what he says and tell him you understanding where he is coming from.
Then go from there....
but yes, just leave him be for awhile and let him have his space.....MEN!!!! Try not to worry.
Margaret
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 03:50 pm
Let me find the post about "anna"
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 03:59 pm
Ok margaret..
Read my post its called GEE...
its under relationships. and thats were i talke about "ANNA"
Mon Feb 22 2010 - 04:16 pm
Ugh...
Im so sad today! Still NC...
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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