i met a man online this summer, and i erased his number after he didnt call me back after our first date.. then i erased my whole profile because i was tired of dating, all told. i just wanted to write my novel and heal from my car accident..

then in the beginning of september he found me on facebook, saying he had a lot of personal things happening for him and could i meet him for lunch so he could explain. since then, he's been calling every other day, we've been watching sunsets over the ocean at his cabin on the beach, meandering through farmers markets, laughing hysterically.. he's mentioned how he's looking forward to being a crotchety old man, still getting in crap from his wife for leaving the toilet seat up and whiskers in the sink.. he owns a small business in town, and he's a few years older than me (im 30, he's 39).. he's said he's always dreamed of having little girls, so he could scare their boyfriends later on.. he is kind to everyone ive ever seen him interact with, funny, and we share similar politics, spirituality..

he's told me that he doesnt find women that he likes very often.. he told me he's crazy about me.. im crazy about him.. we're not intimate, physically yet.. i want to get to know him better and make sure this is it.. i want to get married, have children and have a partner. im tired, tired, tired of men rocking my heart and soul on the rocks. he's so respectful of that, and he's told me we'll wait until we're both totally ready..

i think this is it, girls.. but the pieces of me that have been hurt so badly in the past keep rising up, threatening to take me over with fear.. i keep challenging my fear, saying "has he, personally, let me down, at this point?" and the answer is no. and i smile and send love towards him. johnny.