Made a mistake......! Asked why he has decreased with the SMSes :(
Tue Aug 18 2009 - 10:02 pm
I jus made one of the most fundamental mistakes Paige has been advicing us women not to do....i politely nicely asked the man in my life now why his SMSes have decreased i know i shouldnt have done that but sometimes following advice is so much easier reading rather than actually having to do it...
he said he had been out of credit which is fair enough but i thought i was important enough for him to actually get credit
i mean we chat on MSN everyday during work etc but the first couple of weeks of knowing him he used to surprise me with cute text msgs even called coz he is living in a diff continent to me..so i told him that its an observation that ive made ur msgs are less and he politely responded saying but we do chat everyday....anyways i kinda got the feeling i ruined the moment by it....
what should i do....help plz...
Thu Aug 20 2009 - 01:13 pm
#2
I've said this on other posts, but I'll say it again--I think the only way to avoid this phenomenon of guys who set it up so you're chatting every day and then start pulling back is to not talk to them everyday. Even if you want to, and even if they call and text and IM you every day.
Once they've been talking to you that much, after awhile, they're going to start to get bored. Guys just don't need to talk as much as women do. You have to keep it so he considers it a joy to talk to you, and that he managed to catch you amidst your busy schedule, not something he ends up feeling obligated to do. I think that a lot of guys come into a new romance like a bull in a china shop, wanting to talk to you constantly, to secure your interest. Once it's secured, they get bored, and don't contact you as much. Even though YOU might not have made them feel obligated to call you, they are going to start to feel that way themselves. I've had several relationships where this happened and sometimes they really do bring it on themselves--this feeling of "obligation" and having to "check in" and "loss of freedom."
Keep it interesting for them (and for yourself!) and DON'T answer the phone every time they call. Sometimes don't call them back or email them back for a day. It keeps life much more exciting if you have 2-3 days worth of stuff to tell someone rather than going through your daily routine with them. Also, it makes them wonder what you've been doing without them when you talk to them only every couple of days.
Mon Aug 24 2009 - 01:22 am
#3
thanks guys nice to know im not alone in this....its jus hard isnt it with all our emotions we require the constant communication and sometimes ignoring him is even worse
i spoke to him yesterday coz i have been feeling neglected and i know probably i shouldnt have done this too but i told him straight out wats the deal well he told me a whole bunch of things abt how he had been busy and he had made the effort to chat with me whenever he can etc etc
i jus like him, he seems different to the others ive met in my life but i dont wanna have false expectations and have my heart broken all over again
so ya i am being cautious....thanks for the advice girls....
Fri Sep 25 2009 - 04:12 am
#4
well girls sorry to say it didnt work out...in short he gave me hints as to how he is not interested in a relationship or commitment NOT forgetting the fact that he had given me the impression we were heading somewhere....anyways we stopped talking for a while and he spotted me online after sometime and asked me how i was and actually that particular day was important to me coz of personal matters and i couldnt believe he rememberd....
i thought fine then we are ok atleast as friends but he has gone back to not initiating convo on chat even though he is online for hours and hours and i honestly dont want to be the one to say hi first...as childish as it may sound i need to spare myself the lil bit of pain it is causing
disappointed and sad really....
Sun Sep 27 2009 - 06:39 am
#5
I agree with every single syllable in tinydancer2009's response.
Sorry to read that you are sad, sheshe. It is my understanding that it is quite a new relationship, so hopefully you are not too heartbroken. And actually look at the potential positive outcomes: 1) If you let him be, he may still re-emerge, but you shouldn't put your life on hold, go and TRY to have as much fun as possible dating other guys and even more importantly yourself. Under no circumstances, contact him yourself and no, it is NOT childish at all; 2) you have learnt a very very valuable lesson and will be much better prepared to handle your life and relationships in the future whether with him or the next person.
Lots of love,
Wise_until_it_happened_to_me
hi shenalia.
I too have been through the torment your suffering.i meet a guy online he use to text me constantly, chat every night on msn, called me daily, we meet up and it was electric.repeat meetings always heaven.then the texts got less and his excuse was also lack of credit.It was a plane journey 2hrs away for me ( yes i did the traveling)as he lived in Germany im in ireland.i ALWAYS made sure i had credit no matter what, it was more important than food to me.So i know your pain and frustration.All you can do is wait, if he thinks the same of you he will contact but Dont make the fatal mistake of doing the chaseing it doesnt work it just make you feel more pain if he doesnt respond.See if he misses you, if he doesent then he's not worth suffering,easy to say i know, but believe me ive been there..be strong we are all here for you,keep me updated know your not alone.