Lost and confused
Sun Nov 15 2009 - 08:30 am
hello everyone,
I really need some advice as I am not sure which dirction to go.
here is the stroy.
I am divorced with two childern and the guy whom I will be talking about is single and never been married.A few months ago I came a cross this wonderful man online. we started chating and talking with each other and we both were interested in a serious realtionship that would lead to marriage. we both really liked each other and most of the time had good converstaions and we even mad plans to meet as we both live in different states. Before meeting each other I mentioned some expections that I had regarding my childern which truned things around. He told me that it would be really demanding from my husband to do that. towards the end of the conversation he said that he want give this realtionship a full chance befroe abondon it and we will discuss this later. however, after this convesation i felt that i was being ignored for a few weeks and then he started saying hi again without meintioning much about the past. he told me that he has abondon the idea of getting married but his mom his pushing him. we have chated a few times now but i am not sure what really to do. Should mention anything about what he had promised or just continue chat with him sometimes as a friend. I need some dvice please thank you.
Sun Nov 15 2009 - 09:26 pm
Pinky...don't mention anything. He has obviously changed his mind about marriage or about pursuing something deeper with you.
I know this may sound cruel, but just let him be, if/when you all do talk or he comes to visit, then allow him to be the one that brings it up and not you!
I don't believe in dating numerous people at one time..but others do...but I would say don't put all of your eggs into this one basket!
Also, I didn't quite understand what happened with you bringing up the kids, and the ex, ect....so if you can elaborate please do.
Wed Nov 18 2009 - 01:36 am
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Wed Nov 18 2009 - 01:35 am
thanks for you advice. What I really mention to him about the kids was that I basically said that I want my childern to grow with guidance of theirr religion by doing that I need to be a good role modal and so does my husband. after this he asked me if at the moment my ex and are able to give them that guidence since my childern spend 50% of the time with me and the other half with their father. What is annoying is that is that the consistency with his words that he said he want to give it a full chance before abondon it. He could have just got back to me and said things will just not work inseated of just ingnoring me. by the way he himslef is a religious person and we follow the same religion.
Mon Dec 07 2009 - 01:29 pm
Pinky, I'm lost & confused too. Did you guys actually meet in person already? You said you guys made plans to meet, but I don't quite get it if you actually did.
Because I feel that there is no sense to talk about marriage if you guys have only met online and just like each other. Please clarify.
Please note that he may be talking about marriage b/c he's being pushed by his mom, not b/c he actually wants to. That's a red flag.
Please remember that LOVE is what holds a marriage solid. You don't mention that at all here.
Are you guys really in love? Ask yourself "Is he someone you want to grow old with"? Go with what pops in your mind first and go by that instinct.
Good luck!
Mon Jan 18 2010 - 12:46 am
Long story short met this guy a year and half ago'...things kicked off great he lives in another state I have been to see him several times he has not came to see me at all during this time has always mentioned but has not fell through. At first he would communicate with me on a regular basis, we had some what of a misunderstanding and he has backed away. We still keep in contact but I do almost all the texting or calling, I want to know what I should do to get this man to get more involved with me like before. I've went over and beyond with showing him that I'm very much interested in him just not sure if I scared him away or why he would continue to communicate with me if he wasn't somewhat still interested in me, since he lives in another state why would he continue to answer my tex and phone calls. What is the best way to get the chase back on me instead of me chasing him?
Mon Jan 18 2010 - 12:15 pm
Spicyone,
You have been too available for him. He is taking you for granted. You need to cut back drastically on the calls and texts you are initiating.
In order for him to chase you, he has to do the majority of the initiating. The common ratio is that he initiates 70 percent of the time and you initiate the other 30 percent of the time.
I know this is going to be hard for you but you should go into no contact until he contacts you first for now.
That is the only known way to get him to chase you again.
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