Lost a Great Guy due to Malicious Man on Dating Website.
Mon Oct 26 2009 - 06:26 pm
I lost a great guy, because of a malicious man on dating site.
I have being dating a guy for 2 months who I met on an dating site. Saw him at least twice a week and he phoned and texed every day. Things were going very well., but no talk of feelings and no talk of exclusivity. I played the DWD game to the book.
Suddenly he stops texting me and didn't call. I immediately knew something was wrong and texted him if he was OK. He replied that someone he knows, who was also on the same dating site, texted him and told him he had received an email from me (recently via the website) and asked him if he was still seeing me.
This was all BS, no way would i risk loosing such a great guy. Although I had not removed my profile, I was inactive. I tried to explain that it was not true and asked him to forward the email as proof., He said that he felt he could not trust me and was hurt (understandable). I tried so hard to explain that I thought he was a terrific guy and that it was all BS and to tell the guy concerned to get lost and leave us alone. No way would I jeapordise what was developing between us. It was probably someone I had rejected ages ago and had sour grapes. He said that he felt he needed proof and asked this man to forward the email, even though he did not want to read it. (There isn't an email) I asked him to come back to me when he had received the email and forward it to me. I asked for the ID and number of the guy as I wanted to sort this issue out. I wanted to prove my honesty and I knew there was no email. It crossed my mind that it could have been a joke (sick) or maybe my guy was trying to find an excuse to finsih with me (also sick).
My guy has not contacted me since the phone call. Of course, there is no email and I hate how I feel. It is obviously over. I am in no contact mode and it is day 5. I am left wondering how I can rectify this situation, but in truth it is all in his hands. I did not date, email or contact anyone else when I was seeing him and I know I have been loyal and true. It is his problem.
I comfort myself with the knowledge that he obviously had more feelings for me than he showed (or this would have been such a huge issue). He never mentioned how he feld about me and I never asked (so I missed the message somewhere), but he has serious trust issues (last girl friend cheated on him and broke his heart) which I should have picked up earlier (missed that flag). Clearly he has doubts regarding his feelings for me. I am back on the dating website, I am active and chalking this down to experience.
I doubt that I will hear from him again., which is a shame, he was a wonderful guy, but obviously doesn't want me.
I am moving on. Next fish please.
Daisey Belle
Tue Oct 27 2009 - 01:59 pm
Whoa whoa whoa, Honey something is way off here
Firstly you should report this to the dating site if you know who this guy is who has been bad mouthing you.
Secondly, why are you on the defensive here? Had you decided to be exclusive?
You don't need to explain ANYTHING. I understand that you were not contacting any one else but even if you were that is your business. You hadn't even discussed your feelings never mind decided to forsake all others. If he were contacting other people that would be his business too.
Me suspects a little projection here. Like maybe he is accusing you of something to get himself off the hook. Or he is just too jealous and possesive which can be a major pain. Maybe it is a good thing he slithered away early.
He has trust issues. Boo hoo. don't we all. If he can just dump you without giving you the benefit of the doubt AND without producing any proof, this guy is at best too high maintenance and more trouble than he is worth. At worst he could have been a jealous insecure psycho
As you say...Next
Tue Oct 27 2009 - 02:24 pm
Hi thetababe
Thanks for your words of support. I needed them. I am on day 6 of No Contact and it is hard.
I have decided to draw a line over the issue. For whatever reason, we have crashed and burned. I would like to have some closure and know who the spiteful man was. But I refuse to come out of No contact mode with my x amd to request follow up and evidence. My X knows who it is, but refused to give me info. I am on Dating Direct. I do not know the ID or who the guy was, so it is hard for me to reach any conclusions. I have thought of changing out my ID though.
Good point about high maintenence, never thought of that.I am even thinking that perhaps he was looking to emotionally sabotage our relationship as we were getting pretty close and this pushed the issue. Were we exclusive? God knows. I doubt he was seeing anyone else. Maybe his X is back on the scene. I have no idea.
The whole thing stinks really. He would rather believe a so called friend than me. He has made accusations that are not true and I just want to clear my name. Yes, U r right maybe he met someone else and just wanted to get rid. Seems a pretty elaborate way to dump a lady though.
God knows what I'll do if he contacts me. It will be an ackward conversation and I know that will not happen. He is a coward. By now, he will know, that what has been said is not true and he will feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for your support. I love this site, it is helping push through the tears and humilation and build my self esteem.
Thanks Again
Tue Oct 27 2009 - 02:33 pm
Ya, I hear you.
One little tid bit though for future reference. Never assume exclusivity unless you have discussed it.
I think he is hiding something. But never mind. Onward. Not worth it to dwell here
Wed Oct 28 2009 - 02:22 pm
Thanks thetababe,
Hey, Guess what.
Got this weird guy on my profile on the DD website. Winking and checking me out every couple of hours. I do not recognise the ID but he is persistant but not actually a pain yet. I am convinced it is 'him' or a buddy of his trying to get me to engage in conversation and emails. Now I know I maybe paranoid and loosing my mind but similar profile as my X, same area, it could be him. 6 Days of no contact for me. Almost a week, I can do this. Could be a coincedence though.
Never had a guy so persistant. Friends at work feel the same as me. Especially as it was over the DD website that he dumped me. This is all a bit weird. Better than crying my eyes though.
Daisey
Wed Oct 28 2009 - 02:26 pm
Way weird. If it is your guy, maybe he is trying to "trap" you. Sounds like stalking to me. Please be careful
Wed Oct 28 2009 - 04:42 pm
Thanks thetababe,
He has already winked again and visited me since you replied. 4th wink today. Can't tell you how many times he has visited me. Numerous. So obsessive but nothing abusive, nothing over the line if you know what I mean. I will be careful. Certainly adds to the intrigue though. That is thing with online dating you never know who you are dealing with. That is why I prefer photos and really take my time on meeting a guy.
Probably nothing in it. It is probably me just being paranoid.
Daisey Belle
Wed Oct 28 2009 - 05:01 pm
Always listen to your instincts. If it seems weird it probably is
Sun Nov 01 2009 - 06:56 pm
Hi there,
Well the weird dating direct stalker., was getting out of control. Winking, emailing and visiting me all the time. So i finally plucked up the courage and told him, that I didn't know he was was but that I wanted him to leave me alon. Blah Blah, Blah
He has since left me alone and the email reply was seriously weird. I have decided to go inactive and leave the DD website alone for a while.
It seems to have worked. Lost a super guy. But am moving on.
I love the internet dating and I understand that it works and can be successul but there are some seriousy weird men out there and when you live on an island and you have your photo on the websitee., it can be seriously weird.
Daisey
Mon Nov 02 2009 - 11:21 am
Lost a super guy.
No you lost a potential control freak creep. Congratulations
Mon Nov 02 2009 - 11:31 am
Hi DaiseyBelle
I am sorry to hear what happened, but have to say I agree with thetababe 100%. Sounds like this 'great guy' is actually a bit of a jerk and it's a blessing in disguise it's all been nipped in the bud early. As we like to say here: NEXT!
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