The Long-Distance Curse
Wed Oct 14 2009 - 09:25 am
While on a month trip to South Carolina I met a guy and we seemed to have hit it off really well. Things were great and we saw each other almost everyday. After that month, I headed back to Texas, where Im from. I was there for about a week because there I learned that I had to return to South Carolina once again for another three weeks to tend to a very important matter. While I was back home for a week, the guy and I contacted each other everyday.Things were great. He really seemed into me. Upon my return to South Carolina towards the first two weeks things were still going great. Then, towards the last week, I noticed that the guy started getting a bit distant.Then, I had to leave to go back home. So, we both decided to remain friends.Several months have passed and we have not seen each other ever since. We keep in contact every once in a blue moon. He tends to flitter in and out of my life. He left me a voicemail about two weeks ago and I have not contacted him ever since. I have grown tired of his games. And to top it all off, there is this other guy I met on another trip that contacts me once in a blue moon and we have not physically seen each other since we met either. we also seemed to hit it off really well and now he's coming to Texas soon and wants to see me. So, my question is one, Why do men flitter in and out of your life like nothing? Two, why is it that I keep attracting the men that do this? and three, should I see this guy that's coming to Texas or is it just that he is looking to get some? BTW,I must mention I am not easy! This is a summary of my story.
Thu Oct 15 2009 - 09:16 am
Hi erdapes1
Okay, well in answer to question 1 (Why do men flitter in and out of your life like nothing?):
...if only we knew lol! Serious answer: if you haven't done so already, read this thread as it is very insightful!
One explanation for this - or at least many of them - have a different way of looking at relationships than we do. Of course this is a genearlization but by and large we ladies know what we want - i.e. we either want a guy to be around or we don't - and if we don't want him around then we leave him be. More often than not when we sleep with a guy, we are looking at him as relationship material. Many guys, however, can be quite content with spending time with a girl, sleeping with her, showing some level of feeings etc. etc. but no full well she is not really 'the one'.
So they can be quite happy to keep someone around as a 'for now' or a 'maybe-but-I'm-not-quite-sure' girl - hence the 'flitting'.
2. (why is it that I keep attracting the men that do this?) Again - we have probably all asked ourselves that very question?
Simple answer is: you have to kiss a few frogs before a prince comes along, but a more in-depth version is, in order to try and weed out the time-wasters you have to set some groundrules - i.e. don't put up with him never calling, only arranging dates at the last minute, etc., and if you feel a man is stalling or messing you about you can say something like 'Well you know I like you but I think I'm looking for someone who'll take me a bit more seriously'...
3.(should I see this guy that's coming to Texas or is it just that he is looking to get some?)
As long as you view the meeting as just a fun date and don't pin too many hopes on anything working out), you have nothing to lose. At best something *might* come out of it (assuming you're happy to do the LDR thing?), at worst you'll have a bad date, or a good date and never see him again.
All men are out to 'get some' but he's only gonna 'get it' if you offer it. If you don't wanna - refuse!
Sun Oct 18 2009 - 09:14 pm
I agree. I hate the fact that guys wont tell u that theyre only using u for a good time until "the one" comes along. Obviously they dont want to ruin their chances of getting any which is why they dont tell us. And considering the guy will say that he really enjoys your time and likes you only confuses us women even more. Oh if only we knew these things at a younger age to save time.
Anyway, take note that u met these guys travelling. In most cases people who travel are still trying to cram in as much experiences and various forms of enjoyment before even thinking about settling down. You can be completely compatible with a person but if the other person is not ready and u are, then it just doesnt work. These travelling guys are still trying to explore themselves and u happened to cross their path on their journey.
Sun Oct 18 2009 - 10:01 pm
Update regarding the guy I met in South Carolina:
Ok, so last week I ran into a coworker/Upper Management -Peter -who knows the guy that I met and dated while in South Carolina (lets name him -David). Peter also knows that David and I dated while I was in South Carolina and that we still keep in touch. (Peter knows no details of course as he is Upper Management) (Peter and David have met before but are not friends and dont really know each other)
Anyway, so last week Peter came back from a business trip in South Carolina and when he saw me he told me something about David which was funny. Now mind you, like I mentioned on my post, David called me about 3 weeks ago. He did leave me a message and I never did return his phonecall since then.
Anyway, I dont know what came over me but after the conversation that I had with Peter it made me think of David. So, I decided to send David a text message regarding the funny conversation that I had with Peter about something that David had done.
So, I sent David the text jokingly and in good spirit. And with No expectations of course!
David responded to my text immediately. I did sense a little sternness and a little attitude on his end, towards the beginning of the conversation. But then I got a laugh out of him and the conversation went well. He asked about my plans for the weekend and blah,blah, blah. He jokingly said things like thanks for the invite. Anyway, I ended the conversation by wishing him a good weekend. He then wished the same for me and told me to stay in touch.
Thoughts ??
Mon Oct 26 2009 - 07:34 am
as long as u feel u r in control of this situation i suppose harmless conversation a hi hello here and there is alrite....see ive learnt not to waste my time with guys who flutter in and out as u mentioned but some of em arent all bad ppl so i do keep in touch with the ones worthy of an intellectual exchange of thoughts..but i dont let it crack my brains when he doesnt reply a text for an example...
women deserve better dont u think...men who love and appreciate us for who we are and to actually know they are lucky to have us...im sure there are those men out there atleast a few of em left...
Tue Nov 24 2009 - 04:46 am
Sometimes I think guys don't view time like we do. To a woman, no contact for 3 days can feel like a year. For some guys, no contact for 3 weeks can feel like nothing. Then he calls you like no time has passed. "Hey! let's meet up!" But to you, it's been an eternity, and we're like, "no, you missed your chance!" And the guy doesn't understand where it went wrong.
I just broke up with a guy because (one of many issues) he didn't see timeframes the way I did AT ALL. His schedule is totally overloaded, as is mine, in different ways. He kept scheduling things that made it impossible for us to see each other much. Basically, it came down to that we could see each other a few hours a week on a Sunday and that was about it. To him, that was enough time. "Love" could overcome the short amount of time we could see each other. To me, it was insurmountable. To him, it was insignificant. I said, "So we can basically watch 1 movie a week together and that will be the extent of our time together from now until God only knows when." Not enough. Ridiculous....why even bother? To him, 3 hrs, more than enough time, since we had "love" to keep us together. I told him love was not enough and I broke it off. He still doesn't understand why. Two totally different points of view.
Tue Dec 01 2009 - 10:30 pm
,
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
Replies