LIVING TOGETHER A GOOD IDEA?

The old saying goes...WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU GET THE MILK FREE comes to my mind!

I don't think its a good idea.....but that's just me!

I for one could not ever marry someone I had not lived with. You never REALLY know someone until you have lived with them, and believe me, sometimes seeing what someone is like when they think no one is watching is enough to make you realize there was no way in heck you were going to be able to spend your life with them.

Consider it a good way to find out if you dodged a bullet.

Well Mystic agrees with theta and itsy, by the way theta how do you pronounce your name? short e or long e? :)

It is not so much a matter of what's OK, because any thing is OK between consenting adults, right?

But living together is not necessarily a step towards marraige especially for the man who may be completely exclusive yet still not completely committed, and if you are getting the benifits of marraige why give up the freedom, or at least the idea of freedom which is still a huge thing for a man.

Just look at examples on the board of couples living together for 3,4,5 or more years and then breaking up never having gotten married.

Why be engaged that long? It seems a couple of years of courting should be plenty. Get married while the feelings are still fresh!

Yes, don't move in with him before an engagement, at least. I agree with ITM, and I was one of those girls in a 4 year relationship, living with a guy, and it went nowhere!

If you wanna see your relationship go south, then move in with him! But it is true...for him, there is not much reason to get married when you get all the benefits of a wife for free. And you may not know what he considers to be "wifely duties." (Good to find this out over time). He may seem pretty progressive but still expect his wife to do ALL of the domestic chores, and have very specific ideas on what men and women's work is, depending on how he grew up and how much his mom doted on him.)

I can see Aimee's point about wanting to see how the person lives to see if you can spend the rest of your life with him. But I'm assuming that if you're at the point of thinking about marriage, you've spent weekends over at each other's place, you've seen each other sick, you've seen how clean or messy the other is. At that point I'm sure you've gone on vacations with each other and been in the same hotel room. So you can get an idea.

I think engagement might be a good time to start thinking about moving in, looking for a place together that meets both of your needs. But not before.

And I don't think it's wise to buy property with someone you're not yet married to. I know a girl at my work who is buying a condo with her fiance. The financial stress and problems with the condo are tearing them apart and they're not even married yet, and now both are questioning the relationship, when prior to that they were very happy. That is too much stress on a relationship that has not yet been 100% solidified. There's nothing wrong with getting married, and living in an apartment for awhile while taking time to make these huge joint financial decisions.

good call Vic