letting go
Sun Oct 04 2009 - 03:14 am
After a dramatised few months in a year long relationship that was otherwise great, my exboy and i broke up a few months ago. it was he broke it off as there was alot of events happening in his life that meant it was too difficult for him.
I thought id let it go. I thought id let him go. I didnt see him for a few months and we hardly kept contact. living in a small communtiy and having alot of the same friend group however means that i have been seeing him around alot more in the last month. He had been avoiding seeing me and withdrew from our mutual friends group completely - as he thought it was too awkward seeing me - leaving them high and dry and leaving him consequently - and admittedly lonely. After hearing from a mutal friend that this was the case i sent him a msg to say it is ok, and that i was fine with seeing him as i'd let it go. And admittedly i thought i had. Until a close friend of mine told me how he wishes we were still together and things could go back to the way they were - but he didnt want to marry me?! (im confused by that bit as marriage is the furtherest thing from my mind and he knows that)- anyway, started seeing him around alot lately and last night with another girl. Everytime i see him i slip right back into the rut. Iv tried to move on with my life. Focus on me - and for most of the time i love it.- not seeing him - being angry at him - taking interest in other things - trying to find interest in other people - but i keep falling back. I am still very much in love with him and i dont know how to let go?? Dating other people - is not that easy as there honestly is not many people single or of my interest in the area.
What do i do? How do i walk away and let it go?
Sun Oct 04 2009 - 08:55 am
I feel your pain. If I had the quick fix, I would bottle it up and drink it by the gallons. Time is the only answer. They say it gets easier, and it does but it also is tough because they moments you spent are just memories now. Hang in there!
Mon Oct 05 2009 - 01:24 pm
Orchid...letting go is one of the hardest things to do in life especially when you are in love with someone and they seem to be all around you. I too am having an issue with letting go of a guy I was with for 2 years and guess what? "WE WORK TOGETHER"...so its quadrupley (mspelled) hard. I can only suggest to go into NC mode with him...no emails/text/IM's/phone calls nor smoke signals...and just allow time to heal. No one has the "secret" remedy..but time does allow you to move on...its just the process that time takes that is the HEARTWRENCHING PAINFUL PART....you will get thru this. Stay strong and you will be fine.
Sun Oct 11 2009 - 12:27 pm
Hi Orchid!
I'm in the same both as you but I wasn't with my guy as long as you, just 2 months for me but still I really really liked him...he turned out to be an asshole though...
I still see him as we're both involved in the musical society and we're both too stubborn to want to leave...I refuse to anyway! He's not happy that I'm still going to rehearsals but I say... F**k him! It's not up to him what I decide to do with my life! Although I'm still in pain, the only way I've been able to let go is by deleting his number off my phone and deleting any of his texts he ever sent me and whatever texts I ever sent him.... It was hard to do but it sure felt good...u see by deleting his number, you're less likely to contact him when you've had one too many!!
My advice to you is, if you're ex says he doesn't want to marry you, he's really saying he doesn't like u enough.... he just wants to be with you until something better comes along.... You go and find yourself a nice guy who would see it as a priviledge to have you in his life and would therefore be glad to marry you!! Don't you want a great guy....?? We all deserve a good and decent guy in our life!
I hope this helps!
Ciara
Tue Oct 27 2009 - 11:41 pm
I think my guy and I broke up and got back together..but I am not sure....I had a lot of health issues in the past 4-6 weeks...he stuck by me thru all this...then 2 Wednesdays when I was laid up due to knee surgery I found out he was at our mutual dance party dancing with his recent ex...we were together almost 6 months...he wanted me with him all the time..I was hardly ever home..when I confronted him about the ex...he got angry...I got angry..denied him sex last Thursday...on Friday at our mutal dance party...he barely spoke to me...said he didn't want to go see our band afterwards and when I asked if he wanted company he said to leave him alone...I told him to go F--- himself...he left while I was in the bathroom...I called on Saturday and apologied..he would not return my call..I was with my grandkids on Sunday and did not try to contact him..on Monday I got sad and sloshed...went to his house but saw his car outside his neighborhood bar...called and left a message stating I was waiting for him at his house to talk..he finally called me back and said what about..I said I wanted to talk to him in person..he said to come up...we talked...I asked if we could "fix this" and he kissed me and we made love...I also told him there was something I wanted to tell him for a long time--that I love him..he said he loved me too...when I left this morning he did not say 'I will talk to you later like he usually does...I called this afternoon and left a message that I made a pot roast if he wanted me to drop some off...he never called back...now I am just sad..hurt and confused...btw...he is 58 and I am 62...
Tue Oct 27 2009 - 11:49 pm
Somebody talk me off the ledge!!! Sorry, but I so want to call him after day 4 of no contact to get some closure...I know I'm not supposed to; that's why I'm here...It's also day one of no ciggies...I'm a masochist! Basics...6+ year relationship. Decided to "take a break" had a nice conversation w/i a week ending w/ "we'll talk" and then nothing f/ almost 6 wks...WTF! Very out of character and weird f/ him..but jerky nonetheless...Help! I'm freakin' over here!
Wed Oct 28 2009 - 12:05 am
Don't do it!
Wrong thread!
Go to NC thread!
You will regret it and re-open the wounds and have to start over! Contacting him would only be a temporary fix, but in the long run it would cause more pain!
Give him time to miss you. If it was meant to be, he will be back.
Wed Oct 28 2009 - 08:30 am
SMERK,
I'm pulling you off the ledge gently. Come down from the ledge, honey.
Day one of no cigs is very good. Have you tried those e-cigs?
I bought them and I switch between real cigs and them.
I hope that when it gets brutally cold here in NY and I don't want to stink up my home, I'll use them instead.
Listen to dwdnut and calm down...
Auds
xoxox
Wed Oct 28 2009 - 10:44 am
Im on day 40 of no contact and finding it so hard to let go. I know he is with someone else and has no feelings for me and doesnt even think about me. I know I made a lot of mistakes and and we hadnt treated each other well for a very long time and he stopped caring about me a long time ago. Its just so hard, I still miss him and care about him. I know if he hadnt left then I wouldnt have done the soul searching and realised the mistakes I made and how I need to change my behaviour. Im trying so hard to make changes im my life but feel like im constantly coming up against a brick wall and nothing seems to be moving forward. I know neither of us were happy and neither of us was having the relationship we wanted. I wish I could just tell him im sorry for the mistakes I made and that I understand why he left. I just wish he hadnt left for someone else and maybe we could have worked through things. I feel like im right back at the beginning again girls
Wed Oct 28 2009 - 10:56 am
NNN
You are going to have those days. It's normal. Letting go is a choice, we often don't let go because we hold onto false hope. We spend too much time looking back and not enough looking ahead. Once you do let go, trust me, you are going to feel really silly for not doing so sooner. Really, I have not heard a peep in 4 months, so how do you think I feel? Silly, stupid, but that's ok. I have a choice and I choose to move on. There is so much waiting ahead for us. There is someone out there looking for someone exactly like you, there is where you put your hope, in the future, not the past. What are you holding onto exactly? A shattered dream. It can't be glued back together, sweep it up and throw it in the trash and build a new one.
Wed Oct 28 2009 - 11:37 am
Hi Robin
I know everything you say is true. I just wish I could let go. Ive spent 4 and half years loving this guy. I know where I went wrong and I know I wouldnt do that again. I know we could have have had a really good relationship. When we got back together last time I said it would be different and then I dropped straight back into my old behaviour of being the soul sucker and depending on him for everything. I know if I was him I would have left. I can see it so clearly now, shame I couldnt before. The other stupid thing is Im worried this new girl is going to hurt him, how stupid is that, why do I care? A mutual friend told me she was due to get married next year, so I have no idea whats going on between them, why do I even care?
I dont understand why any man wouldnt want to be with you, you are a great person and always know what to say.
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