I had the same problem with my LDR. Right before I was going to visit, the communication would drop off. I found out later it was because he was working extra time so he could take time off while I was there as well as cleaning and fixing up his place to impress me.

I wouldn't be too concerned over the 'quantity' of the communications but be looking at the 'quality' of it. If his communication is considerate, meaningful and special then I would not be too concerned with how often he's talking.

On the other hand, if you get there and he's clearly got his mind somewhere else, then I'd be on the first plane home. Just try not to have any expectations, just see what's really there, not what you WANT to be there.

Good luck to you!

BTW, I'm now engaged to my LDR!

Congrats Ms Vancouver its a good feeling to know LDRs can work into something as wonderful as an engagement and eventually a marriage...gives hope...
its hard u know all this advice of be a Moving Object of Desire, let him miss u let him chase bla bla bla oh my god i feel like i need a manual and sometimes it feels like all of it backfires...
i jus wish men were as simple to get as we...or mayb they are and we get it all mixed up with the over thinking...
anyways Flora i do hope things work out for u...im going thro something like u r facing now so thought ill jus write here under ur post...
take care girls....

A manual! Funny, I could use one on life! lol

All of a sudden 41/2 hours away doesn't seem so bad!

life i can handle but relationships..! honestly im so unaware sometimes wat on earth im doing all Paige's advice goes out the window when it comes to him not in touch or theres the ex gf in the pic or the 'girl' best friend!!!
mayb its certain qualities in me too which brings out cruella de ville...im the only child so i have the possessiveness in me wanting all the attention etc etc......

I think this would be a great subject for an experienced counsellor/author to write about: A Game Plan for the Long-Distance Runner, err Relationship, that is! I doubt whether anything's been written up on it. I've recently met someone on-line who lives around 5 hours' drive away. Initially, he didn't get in touch since he didn't see the point in trying to estabish a relationship that far away. Then he said "Bear with me, I've a lot on my plate right now." That was okay since I'm in the process of moving anyway. He seems a very genuine sort, but I still wonder if he'll get in touch again. I'm going to give it awhile, but really as a woman I'd rather he'd initiate geting back in touch with me rather than me him. I told him that "anything's possible" (since if we hit it off for real, I'd be willing to move: he's in work, I'm retired; we're in our 60's), but think that it would require him to make the intial move for us to meet, ie. drive, come up with a plan (meet half way?). Men, it's said, probably think more seriously just how a woman will fit into their lives while we tend to fantasize and step way ahead of ourselves and the situation. It's probably true to say that we're more readily willing to "go the extra mile" literally, yet forget we as women need to be the recipient, rather, of his kind considerations as the pursuer rather than for US to make it easier for THEM! Therefore, they will notice how we value ourselves and and hold back and then they in turn become more and more happy to please US and thereby be more and more attracted! John Gray's book I would highly recommend "Mars and Venus On a Date" isn't just simply about dating but writes about the importance of going through, not missing out, the 5 Stages of a relationship. I realize that it could be hard enough to tackle these when you each person is available, but when there's distance involved can understand how much harder it would be! I'd just love there to be written up a "game plan" of some sorts how one can go about this intelligently and MAKE IT WORK! as there must be a lot of us out there with this predictament. Perhaps we've never met anyone suitable who lives closeby (which is my problem). Are many of you out there who can give of your successful advice and/or the pitfalls you've experienced?

My LDF has been feeling me out (haven't met yet and getting closer to that moment) about living in different places. He is 41/2 hrs away and he knows I am not likely to move to that part of the state, yet he has a home and I don't so it would be more complicated for him. He is thinking of selling and buying a Condo one day, so who knows. First we have to see if there is a mutual attraction. that is so my problem...it seems the ones I find remotely attractive live on the other side of the state! He has tried to convince me from day one that this could be possible and i just kind of laughed it off, yet here we are two months later talking 11/2 hrs twice a week getting to know the others personality and life!

Hi Flora,
I'm also in an east coast-west coast LDR. I've noticed a similar pattern with my guy, with the communication gradually dropping off. I visited him for 10 days last month - everything was great (if you'd like all the gory details, you can read my (very long!) post in the topic "i think my guy is freaking out!" in the Understanding Men forum)- and now i've barely heard from him in the past 2 1/2 weeks! I hope this hasn't happened to you and that you're both commmunicating at least somewhat regularly.

Anyway, I'm trying to follow Paige's advice and assume that he's just freaking out. I'm trying not to be paranoid and insecure about it, but sometimes it just depends on the time of day ;). But, I've been very good about not calling or over-texting, so we'll see what happens. Not sure how much longer I'm expected to wait, but I'm just trying to take it day by day and not obsess about it (too much!).

So, in the end, I'm not sure what advice to give you since I'm going through something similar (!) but perhaps, approach it as if he's freaking out a bit and see what happens if you give him space. Also, it depends on how things were between you when you visited him and what they're like now. Please share )))