Just Need to Gripe to Someone....
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 11:02 am
Alright, so for those of you out there who are familiar with the saga of me and the BF, you know I have been instituting a "no initiating contact" method which I have dubbed "Space" The Final Frontier" (go ahead and laugh Audrey :) )
Anyway, so as of Monday, the program officially kicked off.... I left his house Mon am and have not initiated contact (yippee for me !).
On Monday I got nothing from him. Yesterday (Tues) he emailed me to get my opinion on some sheets for his bed (?!) which, fyi HE refers to as OUR bed.... I refrain from calling it that since, uh, I don't live there. I emailed him back that I thought the pocket might not be deep enough.
Then.... finally.... he called last night. Well, at first I thought this was great until he chatted with me for 5 minutes and told me he had to get back to his new video game. For all you girls out there who have men that have no interest in video games, let me tell you, Call of Duty is sometimes the bane of my existence. Just kidding, it's not that bad, but seriously, we hadn't spoken in almost 48 hours and he spares me 5 minutes of his time? Then he has the audacity to say "well I emailed you today".
I also got the impression that it was not an "I really want to talk to you" phone call, but that it was more of a "I'm just checking to make sure you're not mad at me" thing.
Like I said, I just needed to gripe to someone.... sorry to seem petty but I guess we all know how hard it is not to call and chat with someone you really want to talk to. :)
Just need some help staying strong ! And also, should I continue to reply to his emails? I don't want him getting the impression that that is a sufficient form of communication, especially when he's not emailing to chat, he's emailing cause he wants to ask me something !
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 11:06 am
deleted... tried to fix typo and it posted twice :)
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 11:04 am
Ps.... I guess the no contact thing is working though... he may not be calling to chat, but at least he's a little worried that the reason I'm not calling is because I might be pissed ! ha ha.
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 02:33 pm
What was the context of his saying, "well I emailed you today"? Had you mentioned that he hadn't called in a while or said something like, "about time you called" or anything like that? Because if so THAT was your mistake. If he was calling to see if you were mad, then you confirmed it. It would have been far better NOT to answer his call or to answer cheerfully and genuinely and REALLY throw him off base.
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 02:50 pm
The general tone of the call was happy and playful.... the context of the whole "email" comment was after we were chatting happily for a couple of minutes and then he abruptly said "ok babe I'll let you go" and I said "what, do you need to get back to your video game" and he said yeah it was about to start to which I replied "damn, no call in two days and I only get five minutes?" (I made this comment very jokingly though, NOT in a mad tone AT ALL) and he said "well I emailed you !" , like knowing he was being a butt head.
It was all very cutesy and not irritated sounding or anything, I swear.
And I answered with a very upbeat "hey you!".
I'm just irritated that he had been playing video games for seven hours, and it's not like the game was going anywhere.... all he could spare me was five minutes time?
Like I said, I know this is a petty gripe, but I am trying really hard to let him do some of the chasing, and after that call it just irritated me cause he was just calling to "check up". SO ANNOYING ! :)
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 03:01 pm
Girlie!
Oh this sounds like someone i know, (me!!!) Just wanting a bit of time!I think what your doing is fine, and allot stronger then i would be! I totally understand your frustration... My thought would be to continue the NC as you have been... and if he thinks a email replaces a real conversation...he is wrong! I maybe wouldnt respond to the email... and let him wonder a little further... (GRAB HIS ATTENTION)and then maybe he will call. I would also stay playful, and cute with him. Let him realize it on his own. And hopefully he will!
LET ME KNOW!
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 03:09 pm
Hey PG ! :)
I am trying to be tough, but it sucks when you are trying to do something to "take your power back" and you feel like he is on to you and just playing a game of his own !
I am just hoping he does not become too stubborn about this because then I am going to have to take drastic measures and I really don't want to have to go down that road....
We'll see. In the past it has taken him about a week to come around, and it is only day three :) Hopefully he'll wise up or I am going to have to start cutting out some of our weekend time.
I just don't want to get into a pattern where he thinks it's ok to not call me all week cause he knows I am going to be there on the weekend, you know? And he is fully aware of the fact that I would like (ideally) to talk to him everyday.
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 03:20 pm
ugh!!
My ex used to play the dam game day or night, rain or shine, thick or thin... i was so over it! finally i took drastic measures and said... if you'd rather play your game then dont come try and "sleep" with me later.. lol drastic i know! (BUT IT WORKED)
I hate when i start to feel like "D" is playing me right back! WTF? have you ever seen the movie, 2 CAN PLAY THAT GAME? If you have its something like that... were you start to say, "im gonna call, im not gonna call" etc...
Dang it a whole week!?
Hmmmm.... I hope it dont take that long! I'd say the next time he calls... maybe cut it two 2 min although you have been waiting to talk forever!
Then do your best to stay in control and call him a little over an hour later...
What drastic measures were you thinking of?
Wed Nov 11 2009 - 11:09 pm
Geesh, those games drive me nuts. My ex played WOW for months on end and would forego plans when a "mission" ended up running so late we'd miss going out. Maddening!!
It's good you're saying something about the game bothering you. Otherwise, it can become like a running joke, where he never changes his behavior at all.
I suggest trying to do your own thing and genuinely get your mind on that instead of him?? Sometimes when they sense the distance, they automatically respond to fill the void.
There is hope...about a year into WOW, my ex gave it up completely and admitted it was eating his life. So hang in there; if you keep your cool he could come around! :)
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 10:31 am
Thanks for all the support guys. When you create a habit of being the one to always pick up the phone, it's pretty hard to break.
I am having a tough time today. Just to recap:
Mon.... I left his house in the morning, later on his Mom asked me to email him something about a small family issue
Tue.... He sent me an email asking what I thought about some sheets for his bed, he called and chatted with me for about 5 minutes later that evening.
Wed....No contact.
I know it has been only 72 hours, but I am really irritated.
Also, I HATE game playing. With a passion. Did I mention I hate game playing? I do feel like this is a habit that needs to be broken though.
So here's my question for ya'll:
If I assume that when he is not calling it means that he is not interested enough to call, won't he assume the same when I am not calling him?
No, we are not in the first stages of dating or anything, and we have a standing weekend get together every week, so I guess it's not that big of a deal, but I have so much to tell him ! This man is my best friend and not talking to him feels like someone removed a limb. It sucks.
Do you guys think I am just being crazy? He goes through periods where he seems to get pissy when I am calling and then other times he seems fine. I felt like the thing to do to cure that would be to just let him do all the calling, but now I am wondering if that's the right thing to do.
Oh, and if you aren't familiar with what's gone on lately in my relationship... please read "Need Serious Help" under the relationships forum.
I am trying to "take a step back" as so many of you had advised.
Help me hang in there girls... this one is tough for me!
Thu Nov 12 2009 - 12:09 pm
Aimee,
Did he call last night? How did you hold up...
Are you doing ok today!?
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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