Is it true love or just insanity?
Mon Sep 14 2009 - 05:51 pm
I'm very confused right now and could use some good advice from clear-minded people! I know I love my ex boyfriend and I know he loves me. But for some reason, we just can't make it work. We tried and tried and tried, but it was always something.
I was with him for 6 years and to make a long story short, we broke up many times because I felt that he choose a friendship with an ex-girlfriend over me - a girl he broke up with me to go out with for 3 months, just to come crawling back to me - which is why their friendship made me uncomfortable. He would tell me he wouldn't talk to her and then buy a cell phone just to call her. But of course, I would find out because she would call my best friend to let her know, who would in turn tell me. Basically, this chick uses people and likes to create drama, and before all this went down, I faded our friendship because I saw through her. My ex boyfriend is still friends with her (she now has a baby with her boyfriend) and she still uses and talks badly about him, but I just ignore it now, it is not my problem.
I didn't accept any of his calls for 6 months and started dating again (with the help of DWD). When I did accept his call, I was surprised to find out that he would do anything for us to get back together. I was very hesitant, I have heard it before. I told him I didn't think it would work and didn't hear from him for 3 months until last week.
I still constantly think about my ex boyfriend, I still love him. We talked for a while and he said that he would like us to be friends and get together for dinner. Now, I'm not sure why he keeps coming back to me and I know that if we do go out as friends that there is a VERY good chance it will lead to more, as it has in the past.
I'm torn - I'm not sure what to do. Do I try to go the friend route and see how that goes, which possibly could lead to a healthier romantic relationship or do I tell him I can't be friends because I still have feelings of love for him?
I've actually just decided to take off the rest of the year from dating and focus on other things in my life. And then BAM - he calls me. Any advice for someone who feels that she's caught in a vicious circle of love?
Tue Sep 15 2009 - 11:07 am
Hi pjay
My first piece of 'advice' is to not be too hard on yourself. Sure, your *head* knows that he's not right for you, but your *heart* still holds strong feelings for him. That's totally normal...if it were that easy to let go I doubt many of us would be here :-)
Other people may say different things, but personally I find it impossible to be just friends with someone I'm in love with. It sounds like you know your own mind; you've established that you can't make it work with him so it sounds as if another try at a relationship would be pointless, and if being friends with him would be too difficult then you are best sticking to your guns and staying away. Don't blow him off completely, be pleasant - there's no reason why you can't be friends eventually - but you need to let him know that you need some distance. Request he doesn't contact you for a couple of months and see what happens from there.
Sat Sep 19 2009 - 01:30 am
I agree Smiler.
Sun Sep 20 2009 - 01:54 am
i agree! i was just going through a similiar thing with my ex. we just werent meant to be as much as we tried. i know that for me it was sooo hard not to contact him even just to see how he was doing and what not. it was even hard not to go and look a his facebook for a while after we decided things were finally over,officially over. its incredibly hard not to talk to him or not be tempted to contact him in some way but im telling you its a must. i know its the hardest thing ever to do and it will be for a long time but girl you have to do this. its the only way to help yourself get over him. good luck!
Wed Oct 07 2009 - 12:46 am
I've learnt over the years that if I have to work so hard at something, it can be a sign to me that it's just not meant to be.
Relax, let go, and just see what happens.
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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