I'm new to site have lots of Q's
Sun Oct 25 2009 - 06:36 am
Hi everyone I am new to this site and dating per say I am 51yrs old and don't have a clue. Never really dated. Was exstremely shy as a child and young adult. Fell in love at 19 chased the guy right out of my life. Never let anyone close after that. Not emotionally anyway. Had a couple of affairs. Didn't care if anyone got hurt in the proscess. Was married to a guy I never loved he was an abuser, mental not physical. Have been on personnals site several months now. Have been talking to several men. The first one contacted me first. The Second I contacted first I really wanted to get to know him. So, I made all the big mistakes I've made in the past and persued him right out of my life. I then started talking to another man. IMing and e-mailing back and forth. He seems to be really nice and wants to meet. He is a very busy man. He is out of the country on business right now. I have been IMing him. But I feel like I am reverting back to old habits, and becoming a pest. Do you think that he will lose interest if I just stop. Should I tell him I am backing off but still interested? Or should I just stop and wait and see what happens?
Sun Oct 25 2009 - 09:03 am
Hi Martiki,
Welcome to the forum, hugs.
A busy person no matter how busy will make time for that which he/she is interested in.
Stop chasing him, remember you are going by what you used to do when you were 19, rethink the thinking, it didn't work for you then and most likely it won't work now.
Old habits are not hard to break if you keep practicing on new habits.
You are not a couple which means you should keep dating.
Good luck
Sun Oct 25 2009 - 01:14 pm
He will not lose interest of you back off and let him be the man. In all likelihood his interest will increase if you hang back. And do not tell him you are backing off, just do it. He won't think anything bad of you if you do. Just keep it light and breezy when he does make contact and be your wonderful self.
You made it this far without a man in your life so you are stronger than you think. Don't go getting desperate now.
Sun Oct 25 2009 - 02:13 pm
Thank you for your input I thought that it would be a good idea to back off. I really like this one and don't want to chase him off. And I do feel like I was coming off as being desperate. thanks again I'll keep you posted as to how it goes.
Mon Oct 26 2009 - 09:38 am
One thing I forgot to tell. I am not dating and told him I am not talking to anyone else. Wouldn't it be dishonest to start doing so? We haven't even met yet and I don't know if I want to date until after we do. Is that crazy or not? I am just not sure how to do any of this stuff. One thing I learned about myself after being married. I really like to have a man around. I am a great believer in monogamy. I feel that if I tell a man that I am only talking or dating him then that is exactly what I should do. But lately I have be exploring the personnals thinking about dating someone closer in location. Is this wrong? Would it be cheating? Should I tell him that?
Mon Oct 26 2009 - 09:39 am
Help, I am so confused.
Mon Oct 26 2009 - 03:31 pm
If you haven't even met him yet, you are not cheating on him by dating others. It is not like you have an agreement to be exclusive. It is always wise to keep your options open. Do you think he isn't?
Give your head a shake Girlfriend. You are a free agent. So is he. That is what dating is for. You are not engaged to the guy. You don't even know if you will LIKE him in person. So yes, keep checking the personals.
Mon Oct 26 2009 - 03:40 pm
Thanks thetababe I am totally clueless in all this dating stuff. Even when I was supposed to be dating I wasn't really dating. I ussually just ended up with the extra guy of my group I was out parting with. And I haven't done that in 20yrs. Here I am divorced and still clueless at 52 (mistated age earlier).
Mon Oct 26 2009 - 04:16 pm
Well that is what we are here for. You are in your prime.
You know the song "you better shop around" by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles and later by the Captain and Tenille? The principle is the same whether you are shopping for shoes or a man. You gotta try on a lot of shoes before you get your perfect fit.
And you gotta kiss a lot of frogs....oops, never mind.
lmao!!
Tue Oct 27 2009 - 06:57 am
Wow, I have been talking to the first guy that contacted me. He keeps IMing me. He knows about the others and still keeps writing. I think that he must really be interested. In fact He even called me once. But didn't call back. Just keeps coming on internet while I'm on. So, I guess I'm going to try to get to know him. I haven't heard from the other man in several days. I just don't want to hurt anybody. I know how that feels. Never talked to men or tried to get to know any of them before starting a relationship. Have been independent and self suffitiant all my life,except, after Ex nearly destroyed who I was. I became a insecure wimp and didn't know who I was anymore. I don't want to go back there ever again. I am a surviver and want a good man I can count on. BUT, I have no clue as to how to find or keep one.
Tue Oct 27 2009 - 10:03 am
Wow, you are like a kid in a candy store. Enjoy the attention.
Inspiration Story:
Connect w/ Paige
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