Hi Martiki,

Welcome to the forum, hugs.

A busy person no matter how busy will make time for that which he/she is interested in.

Stop chasing him, remember you are going by what you used to do when you were 19, rethink the thinking, it didn't work for you then and most likely it won't work now.

Old habits are not hard to break if you keep practicing on new habits.

You are not a couple which means you should keep dating.

Good luck

He will not lose interest of you back off and let him be the man. In all likelihood his interest will increase if you hang back. And do not tell him you are backing off, just do it. He won't think anything bad of you if you do. Just keep it light and breezy when he does make contact and be your wonderful self.

You made it this far without a man in your life so you are stronger than you think. Don't go getting desperate now.

Thank you for your input I thought that it would be a good idea to back off. I really like this one and don't want to chase him off. And I do feel like I was coming off as being desperate. thanks again I'll keep you posted as to how it goes.

One thing I forgot to tell. I am not dating and told him I am not talking to anyone else. Wouldn't it be dishonest to start doing so? We haven't even met yet and I don't know if I want to date until after we do. Is that crazy or not? I am just not sure how to do any of this stuff. One thing I learned about myself after being married. I really like to have a man around. I am a great believer in monogamy. I feel that if I tell a man that I am only talking or dating him then that is exactly what I should do. But lately I have be exploring the personnals thinking about dating someone closer in location. Is this wrong? Would it be cheating? Should I tell him that?

Help, I am so confused.

If you haven't even met him yet, you are not cheating on him by dating others. It is not like you have an agreement to be exclusive. It is always wise to keep your options open. Do you think he isn't?

Give your head a shake Girlfriend. You are a free agent. So is he. That is what dating is for. You are not engaged to the guy. You don't even know if you will LIKE him in person. So yes, keep checking the personals.

Thanks thetababe I am totally clueless in all this dating stuff. Even when I was supposed to be dating I wasn't really dating. I ussually just ended up with the extra guy of my group I was out parting with. And I haven't done that in 20yrs. Here I am divorced and still clueless at 52 (mistated age earlier).

Well that is what we are here for. You are in your prime.

You know the song "you better shop around" by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles and later by the Captain and Tenille? The principle is the same whether you are shopping for shoes or a man. You gotta try on a lot of shoes before you get your perfect fit.

And you gotta kiss a lot of frogs....oops, never mind.

lmao!!

Wow, I have been talking to the first guy that contacted me. He keeps IMing me. He knows about the others and still keeps writing. I think that he must really be interested. In fact He even called me once. But didn't call back. Just keeps coming on internet while I'm on. So, I guess I'm going to try to get to know him. I haven't heard from the other man in several days. I just don't want to hurt anybody. I know how that feels. Never talked to men or tried to get to know any of them before starting a relationship. Have been independent and self suffitiant all my life,except, after Ex nearly destroyed who I was. I became a insecure wimp and didn't know who I was anymore. I don't want to go back there ever again. I am a surviver and want a good man I can count on. BUT, I have no clue as to how to find or keep one.

Wow, you are like a kid in a candy store. Enjoy the attention.

Thanks I really don't know how to act.

Just be your wonderful self. Relax. Sounds like you are doing fine.

I don't know it is all just too scary

I have a Q that is not real date Q. Here goes: How do I meet new people closer to my own age in a new place? I moved from MI to FL 5months ago and live with my mom and her boyfriend. Who are both in their 70's most everyone I have met are in their age group. I am only 52 and feel like a baby. so how and where do I neet younger people?

why do men want the thin girls? Us heavy girls don't have a chance.

NO No NO nO NONONONO!!!

There are LOTs of T&A men around. Curvy women are just as attractive and much of the time more. Men like women with something to hold on to.

Presentation is everything my dear. Learn to dress the body that you have. Are you burying yourself in frumpy oversized clothes in an effort to cover up? That just makes you look bigger.

I watch "what not to wear" religiously. Seriously, you can "lose" up to 20 lbs just by changing your style. A stylish do helps as well.

As for meeting people Google "singles activities" in your area and see that comes up

My very curvy friend is getting married to a very hot guy in Central Park, NYC today!!!! How romantic...

I really am clueless. I don't know what looks good on me all I see is my big stomach. I do have nice legs and people always tell me that I would be beautiful if I just lose weight. I read the personnals and the best looking guys usually say they want slim/athletic girls. How do you change their mind?

people always tell me that I would be beautiful if I just lose weight. Oh boo!

I am all for losing weight for health reasons. I tend to be on the voluptuous side myself and my weight goes up and down. But you do not have to put your life on hold till you do.

Yes a lot of men who specify do want someone slim. That sucks. But look around. Is every woman who has a boyfriend slim?

Do some web searches for how to dress your body type. I have found some marvelous articles on how to dress a full figure.

2 words. Fit and Cut. Make sure that your clothes are the right size. A structured blazer is your best friend and goes a long way to camoflagueing a wide mid section.

You probably need to go shopping my friend. Of course I always advocate retail therapy.

And if losing weight is important to you than suck it up and do it. join a group like weight watchers. I find the group dynamic very effective and much more so than going it alone.

Every time I have lost significant weight I have been in a similar group--Even if it is just 2 or 3 of us from the office

Boy, this is hard. I need to find something more to do. I always end up on line and when I see the guy I've been talking to is on there I want to go to IM and buzz him. In fact I did go that far. Thankfully he didn't come on. I just try so hard not to do the same stupid things. As soon as I did it I got offline. bad habits are hard to break. I just need to stay off this darn computer. I looked on line for things to do around here but didn't find anything that looked good. Everything is geerd to the very old or the very young. not much for the inbetween. I really don't know how to change. How do you do the personnals when every profile I've looked at they want you to contact them first? How do I make it clear in my profile that they need to contact me?

Wow, you got me there. There is a thread called Online Tips that may help you. I think it is in the Dating Forum. It is probably a few pages in by now. I hadn't gone through that one. I am still trying to figure out how to set up my Facebook.

What do YOU like to do. What is therapeutic for you? I think you need a treat. Just for yourself. A movie, concert, day at the spa?

Try doing something that will make you feel fabulous and powerful, even if it is something you haven't done in years.

Can you scamper away for the weekend for a shopping trip?

I haven't a dime left to my name I had to move in with my mom and her man friend. She tries to help me stay busy by volunteering here in the mobilehome park. I love the people but they are mostly two generations older than I am. It does help though. I need a job badly. I have lost weight since coming down here though. I've been on the personnals checking things out. have had several hits. but no one communicates.

Martiki, you wrote that you moved to FL and are looking for activities/men around 50-ish.
Thetababe gave you some great advice:)

Also, you miight want to check out who from this site is located in your area. On Dwd-Catching Up, I believe, someone started a thread "Where are we all from" - add you name to the list and contact those people:)
Maybe you guys can get together, no?

There are three-day cruises and plenty of them. That would be a great Holiday getaway!- not costly, I've heard. Now, that winter is approaching, many of the snowbirds are going south.
There are lots of FL activites you've just got to be on a mission:)

Those people that are two gens older have their children and some of those might be available men. Chin up! Positive attitude, okay?

First, let's get you hooked up with some of the ladies from here that are in your area!

Auds
xoxox

Welcome!

not all guys like skinny minnies. I'm pretty sure there's some dating sites out there specifically f/ people of size...we come in all shapes and sizes...and that's good thing!

go to: www.BBPeopleMeet.com Here's just one dating site. If you run a search under dating sites for big people, there's 51,400,000 sites alone

wise...is she a Yankee fan?!

Martiki...As you can see, the wonderful girls on here aren't letting you get away with anything...there are no excuses on DWD! :) They will hook you up. Be proud of you!

Allo, Goddesses!!!! Resting up f/ the big game tonite! Home field advantage...Go Phils...good ole farm boys ;}

oh little darlin,

You ask whether my friend is a Yankee fan. Sorry to disappoint you, but I really don't think so. She is a Kiwi girl and the only team she is really passionate about is New Zealand All Blacks rugby team.

I sure am no good at this I just IMed him again. boy I hate this. Just want to talk to him so bad but don't want to seem desperate at same time. I am so bored and lonely. Have no job no money and feeling sorry for self right now. Makes me feel desperate. HHELP!!!!!

It is vitally important that you take care of yourself first. It is hard to be alluring when you are stressing about money. Believe me, I know. Energy spent toward getting a job--I know it is tough with the recession and all--is well spent. Then you can be proud of yourself and self sufficient, which is sexy. And you will be able to DO things that will enable you to meet quality men

OK heres more Qs I have been on and off the personnals for the last 2 or3 months w/pictures and without. have had hits both ways now here is my Q. Is it OK to contact him back if he leaves a message to contact him back? And another Q is it OK to Intiate contact to some one your interested in?

My personal policy is always to return calls out of common courtesy.

There are several threads regarding online dating in the Dating and Understanding Men sections. Check them out. Your answer is probably there

I'm right back to my old bad habits of calling them first how long does it take before one learns not to do something? I am not sure If I am capable of changing. Is there any exception to not calling first? I am really just not good at this waiting game. I waited till I was in my fourties to have a long term relationship. Never even dated the guy just ended up moveing in with him after a month. I never even felt love for him in the ten years we were together.I have always been independent any taken care of myself and my son. Didn't need anyone else. But every relationship I've had has been unsatifying to me.I have always been the aggressor(I guess you would call it) Even being as shy as I am I have been the one to go after what I think I want.I am trying not to do the same stupid things but I just am having a hard time not calling first. I really need a sponser that can talk to me when I am having these urges to revert back to my old ways. I am getting desperate but don't want to act desperate.Please help.

That is what we are here for. You need to start taking care of yourself. ie get a job, get some adequate money coming in and start doing things for yourself. Then if he calls or IMs, groovy. If not you just carry on.

I know, I have been on my own for years now myself and it is hard to change tracks. But you have some things on the priority list before him. Namely YOU.

Sort yourself out first. Then sort yourself out with him.

How'd you get so smart thetababe? I know what I should do am just having a hard time keeping on track. I have got some small paying jobs nothing perminent yet. Have been taking care of myself waring make up after nearly thirty years. Am walking anywhere possible. Still need to meet some people my age to hange out with. I still have trouble with the IMing thing but am trying. It is easier when I get encouragement and advice from good people like You. Thank you.

How'd you get so smart thetababe? I went to the same school of life that you are currently attending.

You will find a wealth of life experience on this site. That is why I find it so @#$d addicting.

There are clubs of various interests that don't cost anything or are pretty cheap.

My favorites re meetup.com and MeetMarketAdventures.com

Pick activities you enjoy and think of it as a way to meet people your own age to hang out with, not as a way of meeting Mr. Right
(although it does help if you are interested in stuff that attracts a lot of men.

If you like bowling Go Bowling!!

O/K girls, I am new to the community, really need to get myself back in the dating world and away from an abuser (verbal). I have my plan to get him out this week (he lives with me for about 14months now). I have been with this man for 11 years, no ring, no real financial support and he is just plain moody and mean. I can't believe I am in this situation, threw him out about a month ago... I had him out and took him back. I feel like an idiot. I recently met a good guy, actually one who is nice to me and sweet. I know I have to change the type of guy I am attracted to and have been with. Please wish me luck and and give me strength to change my dating behaviors. My question is why do we stay in bad relationships, mine has been bad for so long, why is it so difficult to move on?

V you need to start improving your self esteem. You are the one who teaches people how you want to be treated. Women with high self respect do not tolerate abuse, verbal and certainly not physical. Physical abuse usually starts off verbal and women who value themselves just don't believe it. Women who believe they do not deserve decent treatment do believe it.

Get this man out of your life and don't look back. Don't make excuses for him. There is no excuse for this ever.

I was with a verbal abuser for ten years also and i walked away and have not looked back. I was married to him for six of the ten years we were together he used to tell me he owned me because we were married. He was like Jeckle and Hyde sweet one minute and abusive the next. I got fed up and just walked out took what I wanted and moved on. Thanks to the wonderful girls on this sight I am working on getting back to my old (new) self. Was always independent and did what I needed to suvive. But was and am a disaster when it comes to men. so take their advice to heart and good luck moving on without the abuser.

Hello everyone, I'm new to this site, but I find it a wonderful
networking system where women can just talk. I have what I call a serious problem. I'm 50yrs old, divorced for 10yrs. I got married at age 16 and it lasted for 24yrs until I ended it b/c he was very abusive to me. I've now been with the same guy(50yrs old) for the past 8 years, who's not ready for married. I'm ready to settle down and live together in marriage. We really don't talk about it, but he knows how I feel. I live in my own house and he lives in his apt. We both have decent jobs, he's a Social Worker, and I'm a Elementary School Principal. The only thing that's standing in the way is he's not ready. I don't like his mentality when it comes to other women. He's always quick to run to the rescue to save other women in difficult situations. While I'm at his apt. women come there to ask him for money, food, drinks, cigarettes, social interaction etc.. He tells me that I don't understand b/c I never lived in an apt b/4. Women leave personal items there and I find them without looking including, jewelry, bathroom personal items, garments, and he wants me to believe that nothing is going on. He never introduces them to me or invite them there when I'm there. Just the other night he gave a total stranger a ride because she asked him. She said she missed her bus. I know this b/c I found her number and called her. She said they went to his apt. and out for drinks. We once broke up over him being involved with a prostitute. I believe that he wants to help people but somehow I think there's other hidden motives. He's now making plans to move into his mother's home, which is paid for. I don't seem to be apart of those plans either. I want marriage and he says "it's gonna happen one day." "I need more time". I don't pressure him or even bring up the matter, he does from time to time. I've been thinking of moving on because I think he's stinging me along to hold on to me. I do love him and we spend a lot of time together and we travel alot. Am I being insecure? or Is his behavior out of line?

Help

I'd get out if I were U sounds like he has a commitment phobia. I have another problem myself. Have been talking to a guy on-line I have no job and he is trying to find me a job at his company were he works. I don't think it is a good idea to mix business with personnal relationships. I need the job but is that a lagit reason to turn him down? And how do I turn him down without insulting the gift of his help. We haven't even met yet. I don't want to be ungrateful sounding or anything. I am afraid he is so commited to his job that there won't be time for us, even if we do get together and hit it off. I am supposed to talk to him again tommorrow. how do I break it to him gently that I can't except his generous offer? please help.

Martiki...You can change!! I have! :) DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE? That is the question. It sounds like you need to pull back from the men thing just for now and put those energies in to making yourself self sufficient and BELIEVE me, you will feel sooo much better and in control and it WILL shine through like thetababe says! (she is always so right on) Try it this way and stay here and fill us in along the way...we want to hear how things are going for you. :) hugs!!!

Martiki, I would say that this wouldn't feel right and how you appreciate it anyway...or, tell him you have some other possibilities in the works...Remember, you owe him nothing, he is a stranger and you don't know him or his agenda.

I actually just told him that I appreciated his generousness and that I wouldn't relocate. He didn't understand at first but seemed OK with it after I was totally honest with him. I know you all are right about working on myself. And I have been. Have gotten a couple of odd jobs and volenteered for things here in the park. Still haven't found anyone to hang out with but am working on that too. I am going to arobics and pilates and walking anywhere I can get to on foot. Am determined to lose weight. Oh, and I went back on the personnals maybe too soon but as long as it take for those men to reply to your profile I should have plenty of time to work on me. I am doing my crafts and taking a painting class. hows that for keeping busy.

Sounds like now you're talkin'!! ;) Keep on that track of helping you be in a better place...then show those guys out there what you really have to offer!!!

Thanks oh little darlin now if I could find some ladies or guys to just hang out with I'd be all set. Other singles that is in my age group or at least closer than I have now. I love my new friends but they are in my Mom's generation.

Martiki...there is a website called "meetup.com" and you can enter any interest (walking, golf, tennis, etc) you choose and meet people that way...:)

Hi!
I am new to this website! Oh man do I have a lot of confusing questions! I hope I can get some answers from woman who have gone through this.
Thanks lots,
Fable Benish

That is great!

Fable if you start your own thread you will get personalized attention and good feedback too! :)