I was asked to be exclusive TWICE in the same week! IS IT OVER?
Sun Feb 07 2010 - 12:01 pm
Girls,
I can't believe it! I may be doing something really good... Dating, that is. I just met two guys in the past two weeks. We talked over the phone a couple of times and arranged dates to meet in person. The first guy, I met Saturday last week. He seemed to be very into me. He asked me for another date Thursday. On Thursday he asked me to be exclusive. He said he does not want to share me with anybody else, and since we are both in an online site, he said he would like for us to take off our profiles. He was very delicate in the way he asked. I was not so clear in my answer, because I had someone else to meet on Friday, but I like this guy and want to give it a shot.
Then on Friday I met this other guy who asked me, right there, on our fitrst date, to be his girlfriend. He called me Saturday to let me know he had hidden his profile. I said, well... I guess I should
do the same. He responded: I don't care if you do it or not. If you don't I still will be with you. Now what?? I think I like the first guy more. What should I do? I just met them and I was never asked to be exclusive from two guys at the same time. What about intimacy? What are the rules about having sex after you have been asked for exclusivity?
Sun Feb 07 2010 - 12:12 pm
Dels,
You had one guy tell you he wants to see you exclusively after one date and another one after two dates...that's all fine and dandy if you want to only DATE one of these guys...you can do that...sex at this point, especially with guys you don't know (have mutual friends with or have family members who know them) is a tricky business.
Personally, with a guy from a dating site, if he brings up the subject of sex (as in when are we going to have sex) I'd tell him, not until I get to know you a whole lot better...
That leaves it open to having sex when you feel comfortable and not an artificial time table.
You always have to ask yourself if you feel you know him well enough to know for sure he's going to stick around and you feel sure you are going to want to have a relationship with this guy...
If you are not positive that the answers to both of those questions is a resounding YES! I would suggest you don't have sex with him until you are sure.
Sun Feb 07 2010 - 12:17 pm
This is where you can put everything you have learnt from DWD in practice.
Whatever you do, do not hide your profile yet and do not agree to be exclusive unless YOU are ready to be exclusive.
I would smile and say 'That is really so sweet, but we have only just met and I don't like to give promises I cannot keep' or something like that.
YOU are the one that determines the pace of your relationships.
Good luck! You are on fire!!!
xoxoxo
Sun Feb 07 2010 - 12:34 pm
I agree with Wise. Even though you're off to a great start, I've come to learn there can sometimes be a real difference between what a guy says, and what he actually does.
I would keep your options open at this early stage of the game. Give both guys positive encouragement, tell them what you like about each and tell them you'd like to date them to get to know them better. Hopefully one will come through with sustained action to make your decision easy.
I would say you simply don't have enough information about both right now, and because of this, I wouldn't like to see you close off your options on one or the other - even though at this point, you like one better.
Leave off the sex part until later on, and once you have more information collected.
Woo hoo though! You go girl!
Sun Feb 07 2010 - 01:45 pm
Double the woo hoo, you go girl, sounds great!
It is nice to be in an exclusive relationship, even to be asked, but the timing is just a bit off, you haven't really gotten the opportunity to know them and I would ask both just what does being exclusive mean? Sure hiding a profile is fine, but they can be reactiviated at any time. What about taking them down completely. And with so little time of know both men, how do you know they are what it is you seek in order to establish a healthy and maintain a trustworthy, full wonderful relationship?
There is nothing else I would add, the ladies before me summed it up beautifully.
Good luck!
Sun Feb 07 2010 - 03:52 pm
I would say to just take it slow and not "expect" a full blown exclusive relationship so early...only b/c I have heard and seen that most people show their true colors from 3-6 mths!!!
And also, know what you want, do you even want an exclusive rel with one or both of them at this time?
I hope at least one is true blue! BUT HAVE FUN ENJOYING ALL OF THE ATTENTION!
Tue Feb 09 2010 - 04:10 pm
Girls,
I have taken your advice. I haven't taken my profile off and I am dating both men at least for now. I have a date tomorrow with guy #1 (J) and Thursday with guy #2 (R). So far I like J more than R.
I feel like R has been a little too persistant for my taste. Just met him Friday and he wanted to spend the whole weekend with me. I turned him down because I already had plans and he called and texted a couple of times, even thought I told him I was busy. He already asked about being intimate and I responded that it will happen when I'm ready. He said he will wait months if necessary, but kept asking me to go to his place....??
J has been more patience. He has not mentioned anything about intimacy, but in today's text he asked me if I want to meet for dinner around his neighborhood because he wants to show me his new place...??
I'm kind of dissapointed, because he had been more respectful than R.
R just kissed me in the first date without any warning, plus he was a little agressive when he drove me to my car. I had to stop him.
J instead asked me first if he could kiss me. I said yes, and he was very delicate and respectful, he continue to be delicate and respectful on the second date. But an invitation to his place???
I will decline the invitation, of course. Hope this is not only about sex. Your thoughts?
Tue Feb 09 2010 - 05:27 pm
Hello Dels,
i've read your thread, so interesting, just agree to J's invitation and i can guarantee you that nothing will happen.
I am saying this b'cos from the look of things he is a gentleman, look at how he even asked you b4 he kissed you.
I had a same experienced with my guy on our first date he really during the week was like begging me to go home with him and spend the night after our first date, i was very very afraid that his intentions was to be intimate with me so i was a bit afraid,
but lo and behold i agredd to go home with him after our date, he drove home to his place, treated me nicely so when we went to bed though he kissed me and we did all those loving things together he tried not to become intimate.
Since that day i really respected him.
So please just accept his invitasjon and go home with him, there is no harm in trying and when you go just relax and look at what he will do then tell him if you are not comfortable with it. Hope this will help.
Tue Feb 09 2010 - 08:35 pm
Tricia,
I already told him I won't be able to drive near his place cause my time is limited during week days and asked him to come to my neighborhood, he responded no problem. So we are meeting by my area tomorrow.
Tue Feb 09 2010 - 08:40 pm
Tricia,
I already told him I won't be able to drive near his place cause my time is limited during week days and asked him to come to my neighborhood, he responded no problem. So we are meeting by my area tomorrow.
Tue Feb 09 2010 - 08:56 pm
Dels,
Nice job girl on winning over two guys. I too met this guy on eharmony and went out on a date with him on a Sat night in Nov, had a great time so he asked me to go out again the following Tues. I said yes and we talked for hours. That night he asked me to be exclusive, I thought why not since everything was clicking for me and I was getting tired of dating 4 different guys.
We have been going out now for 3 months and everything is great!!
I don't regret for one minute going exclusive with him so quickly.
I would definitely lean on the side of the polite guy. He seems like he is not rushing you and maybe he really wants you to see his new place for what it is and not just a chance that you will hop in bed with him. Trust your instincts.
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